2nd Annual National Psychotherapy Day!

Exactly one year ago, Ryan Howes, Ph.D., launched the first ever National Psychotherapy Day.  In the past 365 days, the support for NPD has ballooned, and includes therapy greats like Irvin Yalom, among others.

Once again, I am strongly promoting and supporting NPD, because I believe, as do many others I know, that therapy has saved my life on so many levels.

The media has been all a buzz lately, attempting to tackle the "mental health crisis" that has sprung up across the nation.  Thing is, it hasn't really sprung up.  It's finally getting some attention.  Some much deserved attention, that sadly has sprung up as a result of numerous crises, often exacerbated by the media.

Mental health is equally as important as physical health.  There is no shame in going to the doctor when you are having physical challenges, why is it so shame-filled and embarrassing to go to the psychotherapist when you're having some emotional challenges?

Let me debunk one myth that I know is common, at least among my peers.

Therapy is not for the weak.  It's not for the broken.  It's not for the sissies, the wimps, the losers, the damaged, the lost......

It's for those who are strong.  It's for those who want to make changes in their lives.  It's for those who are looking to repair the broken parts of life, to move past the bullies, the naysayers, the ones lying in the gutter looking at the stars.  It's for the believers, the dreamers, the wishers, the hopers, the doers, the ones who think differently, who believe there is more in life than what they currently have.

Therapy is for everyone. 

Except the close minded.

So today, on this second annual National Psychotherapy Day, maybe you're ready to step up and be strong.  Maybe you're ready to accept some much needed help to get you to that place in your dreams.  Maybe you're already there, working with a therapist that supports you, and you're ready to step out of the proverbial therapy closet and invite others to give it a try.....

Look for the Helpers

My thoughts and prayers are with all who have 

been impacted by the tragedy in Boston today.

Bring on the Blues....

As in, lighting things up in blue.
You know.
For autism awareness.
I'm wearing blue today.
Are you?

 

April 2, 2013
 World Autism Day

An inspiring blog, by "a sassy crafty mama bird from Los Angeles raising a very sweet little girl with autism in the Midwest... and stuff."

Autism Awareness

Yep.  It's that time again.  April.

Yep.  It's poetry month.

But April also hosts a pretty important topic.

Autism Awareness.

Now, you might think, "Why do we need to have a month for THAT?  It's something people deal with every single day!"  That is true, but..... it's pretty powerful to have a month where everyone focuses on EDUCATING others about AUTISM.  For 30 days, people who may or may not be connected to autism share information, encourage others, and promote awareness in general.

In my web-travels, I stumbled across this great article by someone from the Friendship Circle - 10 Ways to Support Autism Awareness Without Writing a Check.  April 2nd has been designated Autism Awareness Day by the United Nations.  Across the globe, people "light it up blue" in an effort to spread autism awareness.  What struck me about this article is that it's possible for EVERYONE, ANYWHERE to show support and increase awareness, without spending a dime.

So no more excuses.  Let's get moving.  Here are a few to get you started, but be sure to check out the full article, it's short and sweet, and chock full of ways that YOU can make a difference in the lives of someone different.

2. Offer a kind compliment to a family that you know is struggling, you never know how much a genuine compliment warms the heart.
5.  Stand up and speak out if you hear someone being unkind to someone with autism, or any disability/difference, for that matter.
9.  Add a little note to your prayers, including those who care for and have autism, offering them compassion and tolerance.


P.S.  If you're not sure what autism looks like, here's a great read about the 20 Faces of Autism.

You Can Tell Me

Four simple words.
Short.
One syllable.
Unremarkable apart.
But together?

Those four words flooded my heart,
filling me with the warmth only a hug brings.

Four little words,
spoken at just the right moment,
turned a fear-filled few minutes
with hope.......
with understanding.......
with possibility.........

And filled me
with gratitude........
with appreciation.......
with faith........

You can tell me.

You.
Can.
Tell.
Me.

Thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you.

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 16

16. What experience(s) has been most helpful your recovery (for example, meeting a supportive friend, deciding to go to therapy, etc)?

The most helpful experience of my recovery has been having the most amazing treatment team.  Seriously, I would not be here without their support.  With my therapist coordinating pretty much everything - she sent me to my psychiatrist and dietitian, I have gotten the best possible care as I trudge through this hell.

I've also found it helpful having my two best friends knowing about the situation.  They are both amazing people, and they each help in their own ways - one of them is great for distracting me from my head, the other is great for a quick pick-me-up get together of sorts.

Finally, this blog has been a pretty powerful tool in my recovery.  Through this blog I've met so many others who are walking along a similar road.  I've found comfort in reading others' words, and found confidence in comments left on this blog.  What began as a recovery project has morphed into an instrumental recovery tool - a place where I can share my experience, my voice, my challenges, and my successes - has become a special community that feeds my soul in a unique way.

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 12

12. Who in your life knows about your eating disorder? Has sharing about your eating disorder been helpful for you?

Well, the people in my life that know about my eating disorder are very few, exceptionally few outside of my treatment team.

Medical Allies
1. My doctor
2. My dietitian

3. My therapist
4. My psychaitrist
5. My cardiologist

Non-medical supportive Allies
1. BFF -EH
2. BFF -JC
3. mentor - AT
4. mentor - SB

Non-medical, 
non-supportive Allies
1. Friend - LK
2. Friend - KA
3. Friend - KH
4. Friend - LD
5. Sister (horrible choice on my part to disclose to her)

Sharing my eating disorder has been really challenging.  The supportive peers that took it well have been very helpful.  But telling those that I thought would be able to be supportive, and weren't..... that was painful.  Quite painful.  Which is hard, cause sometimes I just want to vent, to talk about it, to complain, to puzzle through something, and as those moments can't be scheduled, it doesn't always work out to talk about that to anyone on my treatment team.  Would I change who I told?  In hindsight, yes.  I would not have told the group that are non-supportive.  Ironically, they all have something in common, and that probably is part of why they aren't supportive.

Ok, this post was long and rambly- love those long answers to short questions!

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 5

5. Who supports you in your recovery?

Considering there are very few who know my "story" my support circle isn't that large.  But size isn't necessary with the power packed team I have.

Funny thing is, when I went back to therapy, I never expected to be diagnosed with an eating disorder, to be sent to a dietitian, to see my GP bi-weekly, etc, etc, etc.  I went back to therapy because I was not coping with life anymore, not bouncing back, and my GP, who tried taking care of my depression herself by prescribing anti-depressants - we tried two different ones, both of which I had severe reactions to.  So she did what any great doctor would do, she sent me to therapy.  My therapist sent me to my psychiatrist so we could get some med support (which was a journey in itself!) and after six months of struggling, she sent me to my dietitian.

I know, I know, this has been a long answer to a short question.  I'm almost done, I promise!

My GP and dietitian and therapist are the ones I work with the most, and they suggested I line up one or two people at work that can be support for me there if something comes up.  They have never steered me wrong, so I followed their suggestion and let two people into my world.

Which means my support comes from my treatment team, two colleagues, and my two best friends.  That's not a lot, but it's what I've got, and I value each and every one of them!

If you want to meet my support system, check out these past posts:

Meaningful People

Meet my GP: In Awe and Appreciation 

Little Things (or why I love my therapist and dietitian)

My Story

A little more about my team

In Awe and Appreciation

It's no secret that I'm in the midst of some yucky changes that I would prefer to avoid.  I really do work hard to keep this blog somewhat motivating and positive, but sometimes life happens and that is reflected here.  Gotta keep things honest and real, at least that's my goal.

Despite the changes and challenges, or maybe because of them, today I was once again reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful team.  Really truly beyond what I could have dreamed up..... they are amazing.

Today was my annual physical, which I'll admit is not my favorite thing.  But I know that it's necessary if I want to take the best care of myself that I can.  I've been seeing my physician for upwards of 13 years now, and I have nothing but admiration and appreciation for her.  She cares, above and beyond, she cares.

Truth be told, my doctor is the reason I'm still around today.  She sent me to my therapist, who sent me to my dietitian.  Between the three of them...... I don't know that I'll ever be able to find the words to express my gratitude.  They've pushed me, frustrated me, scared me, annoyed me, and most of all, they've cared about me.... all for my own good.  Because of my team, not only am I here today, but I am able to survive challenging changes (albeit kicking and screaming sometimes!)  The mix of love, admiration, appreciation, and gratitude that I have for them.... I don't know where I'd be without them.

The confidence they have in me is actually somewhat frightening, as I'm not really sure where they find it.  But my trust in them?  I'd travel to Mars and back if they told me to.  And it is nice to have that trust in them.... maybe one day I'll find that confidence they seem to have, too.

National Psychotherapy Day

Today is the first annual National Psychotherapy Day.  I am proud to share this information with the masses, because I have experienced the benefits of psychotherapy.

This movement is just beginning, and it's an important one.  Therapy should not be reserved for the just special situations.  Therapy should not be seen as a decadent indulgent for the middle class.  No, therapy should be seen as a lifesaving tool.  Cause that's what it is.

Therapy saved my life.  Not once, but twice.  Because at two different periods in my life, my world came crashing down around me and I was unable to dig out from beneath the rubble.  The first crash was as a young adult when I was facing some major life changes.  The therapist I worked with then was more of a short term experience from which I benefited greatly.  The second crash was more recent, and this time, I had a team to help support me, led by my incredible therapist.

See, therapy isn't just a place to go to dump your worries and whine about your life.  Therapy is a place to go if you are seeking change.  Therapy is a place to go if you want to make your life, and your world, better.  Therapy is not for the faint-hearted.  Therapy is not easy.  In fact, it's the hardest work I've ever done.  EVER.

But I'm becoming a better person because of it.  I'm on the road to liking myself, for the first time ever.  And for me, that's a huge step.  While my history may be littered with experiences that would shock many, because of therapy, I know I don't have to let the past define my present, or ruin my future.

To the most amazing team of professionals - my dietitian, my doctor, and of course, my therapist, I am forever grateful for your guidance!

Oh, and please do not think you can't afford therapy - there are people and places out there that will help you!

Read more about National Psychotherapy Day here and find them on Facebook!  Also check out this article written by one of the founders of National Psychotherapy day, as well as these articles written by those who support the day.

World Suicide Prevention Day

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

Which kicks of National Suicide Prevention Week.

A few statistics:

• Data from The World Health Organization (WHO) indicates that 1 million people die every year of suicide worldwide
• There is one death by suicide every 40 seconds
• There are more people lost to suicide than to homicide and war combined
• Suicide ranks as the second leading cause of death worldwide among 15-19 year olds
• More than 100,000 adolescents die by suicide each year worldwide
• Highest rates of suicide are among those age 75 and older
• Up to 90% of people who take their own life have a psychiatric disorder

A few sites for information and support:

To Write Love On Her Arms

Here We Collide

Bipolar Burble

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Read This First

SAVE: Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

There is always help, please be brave enough to ask, you are worth it!

Challenge 4, Part 5 - 7: Belief, Acceptance, Love

Self Belief.  Self Acceptance.  Self Love.

Mushing them all together for one final post for this week's topic.

I think they are actually rather well connected.  In order to have self love, you need to have self acceptance.  In order to have self acceptance, you need to have self belief.  Links in the chain of Self.  All the topics this week weave together a rather complex chain in which we build our lives upon - some more successfully than others, but all seven concepts are within each of us.  Sometimes they are buried rather deep, below layers of other self stuff (hatred, loathing, pity, etc) but they are still there.  It's our job to uncover them.  Yes, it can take a village, as no one should have to endure the process alone.  But I've been told it's a worth while journey to take, no matter how bumpy the road.

I'm taking baby steps, every few weeks, just a tiny bit closer to self love.  Along the way, of course, belief and acceptance hitch a ride, making the journey rocky and long.  But I'm finally starting to think that I might be worth it.  It's not been easy, accepting all that I've dealt with, knowing I can do nothing to change the past and make things better.  I can only accept what has happened, and believe that I am worth more than repeating the same patterns.  I have to find the belief somewhere, buried way deep inside, that I am worthy of love.  Cause no one deserves a life without love.  Not even me.

Comfort Zone

I am a person who loves routine and stability.  Which is why when I was asked to step out of my comfort zone, and do something that I'd rather not do, I panicked.

A few weeks ago I, was encouraged to start volunteering.  I mean, why not?  Anne Frank said "no one ever became poor by giving."  She may have meant that in financial terms, but I think it also applies to time.  I do have time to give, so why not give some?

Because I am afraid.  That's why.  Because I am afraid to commit doing something that I might not be able to handle.  How do I know I won't be able to handle it?  I don't.  And I won't, unless I try.  No matter how scared I am, I have to try.

So this afternoon I finally took a chance and emailed an organization I am interested in volunteering for.  According to their website, they require a minimum commitment of one hour a week.  I think I can handle that.  At least, I hope I can.  Volunteering is something that would help me in so many ways, especially volunteering for an organization like the one I chose to contact. Now that the ball is in motion, I'm in that information gathering stage, where I need to know as much as possible, so I can find a bit of a life preserver as I head out of my comfort zone and into the zone where the magic happens.

Here's hoping for some magic.....

Challenge 3, Part 2: Becoming Self Empowered

Becoming self empowered is not easy, or at least it has not been an easy journey for me. I still fear the path one must walk to become self empowered, especially as I head toward learning to speak up for myself, learning to ask for what I need, and actually giving myself what I need. Funny how that works, what we most need for ourselves, the ability to meet our own needs, something we should be empowered to do at least once we reach adulthood, is often a very hard task to accomplish!

Think about it.  Once you reach a certain age, you learn to feed yourself. Yes, the food you are given may not be a choice, but you get to feed it to yourself. I mean, how many people fawn over baby as he grasps that first fistful of Cheerios and shoves them adorably in his mouth? Same with potty training- to be free of that diaper means "I'm a big kid now."  Riding a two-wheeler. Learning to tie your shoes. Being home alone for the first time. All empowering milestones that we pass through as we grow.

For some, those milestones are celebrated and begin to instill that sense of accomplishment and pride in oneself. This can pave the way to a life where the feeling of accomplishment, of pride, comes from within. Self empowerment to the maximum level- believing in yourself, not needing external praise to know you've done well. This boost gives one the power to try new things without worry of failure.  All those little milestones along the way were sprinkled with failures, but because the successes were celebrated, the failures just became a part of the process, and not the end all self belief.

For others, that is not how their journey went. Successes weren't as frequently celebrated and failures filled the gaps between. Becoming empowered was feared, and developing a reliance on those around you (your family) was the expectation. Sure, some milestones were celebrated and many skills were learned. There was even a bit of fun sprinkled along the path. But that self confidence that grows as a result of positive experiences that are praised, and failures that are encouraged to be challenged into successes, well, that is often missing. Instead of looking at a failure and saying to yourself, as was modeled to you by your parents, "I can do it, let me try again, I know I can do it," a failure means the end. A failure means you need someone else to help, and you always will.

Which, in reality, is not true.

Because EVERYONE can become self empowered. Everyone. Doesn't matter how old you are or how lousy your life was growing up or how little you were celebrated. It IS possible to learn to lean on, to empower yourself to reach for those experiences, to learn to nourish your body, feed your soul, and love yourself. No, you might not be able to do it alone, at least not at first. Yes, it may take a long time, and you will need to have people that are walking along the path with you. And yes, at first you will need them to feed you the praise and encouragement you missed as you grew. But eventually, at least I'm told, you will no longer need the encouragement to come from those walking with you. Eventually you will be able to internalize their positive words, replace the negative tracks with positive messages, and empower yourself.

Challenge 1, Part 3: Creativity

I learned a lot about this week's topic by reading everyone's posts.  That is probably one of the best gifts of a blogging community - we learn from each others words, experiences, and stories.  Still have a lot to learn over here, but this challenge sure gave me a good start on the topics of self-care and self-soothing!

Struggling to learn

Enough about how to

Live a life

Full of love and

Compassion for my self

Along with

Realizing that

Even I am worth it.

Self-Care

complicated, effort-full

discouraging, challenging, empowering

a worthwhile skill to acquire

Self-Soothing 

© MGD July 2012

A really great list of ideas to take care of the self: 70 ways for Self Care

Week 24: Overcoming Challenges

I've faced a lot of challenges in my life. No biggie, you get kinda used to them after a while.  Doesn't make it any easier, but I'm no longer surprised when faced with what feels like an impossible or uncomfortable or painful situation, since they happen to appear on a fairly regular basis.

The 2010-2011 school year started off challenging, with multiple funerals of friends and family all within a short time frame.  I had a great class, and as much as I enjoyed being their teacher, I was not able to bounce back from the depression of the funerals.  I spiraled further into depression, and my doctor decided that I needed to return to therapy.  This was in December.  I was fine once I got to school because I loved my job and my students, but it was really hard to get going in the morning.  I was maintaining professionalism and fulfilling all my job responsibilities and then some.

Things changed in February.  I was still struggling to get out of bed, but now preparing for work and getting myself there had become even more challenging.  I was always exhausted.  I had been through 4 different meds, none of which helped.  By April I was ready to quit my job and sleep full time.  As much as I loved my job, I just wasn't motivated to do anything, even at school.  I was on auto-pilot.  I still fulfilled my basic job requirements, but I was barely holding on.  I felt like the worst teacher ever, despite the fact that my class still loved coming to school and their parents were thrilled with the school year.  I got home every day and slept for two hours, got up long enough to eat something, and then went to bed. I was hardly eating, always tired, and often on the verge of tears.

By June, I wanted to quit everything.  Parents raved about the school year, kids were happy, looking forward to summer, and all the while, I felt terrible.  I felt so bad for short changing my students.  They didn't get the *best* me that I could be.  They got a shadow of me, which was, in my mind, not good enough, even though it was fine with everyone else.  I'm honestly surprised I didn't get put on notice or something, I mean, I was running in late for everything at work, hardly participating, leaving as soon as the bell rang.  I was truly a shadow of myself.

Summer arrived and gave me much needed down time.  In addition to working with my therapist multiple times weekly, my dietitian joined the team.  The amount of support I had that summer, and still have today, is what helped me overcome the intense lethargy that had taken over my life.

By the time the 2011-2012 school year started, I was able to tackle school more like the old me.  I finally had a much needed support system, and with their help, the 2011-2012 school year was my best year yet.  I'm still working closely with my team, and am still battling ed and depression on a daily basis, but because of the support I have, things are better balanced - I am able to concentrate on school when I'm there, and on life when I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, things are not all sunshine and roses, and there is still a dark cloud that likes to follow me around.  I'm just better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life that will always be there.  But now I have people that toss out the life preserver before I get too far from the ship.

Three down, one to go

I have made it three months.  The first two months d-r-a-g-g-e-d by, the last month, while slow, wasn't as torturous.  That's likely cause I was rather preoccupied with recovering from surgery.  Doesn't mean I didn't think about her every single day.  One month from today, she'll be back.  Three months ago, I was shocked I survived the first month.  One month from now, I'll be able to say I survived four whole months without someone pretty important in my life right now.  

Like that Kelly Clarkson song...

There were lots (I mean lots) of ups and downs.  There were a few scary moments, where all I wanted was to be wrapped up the safety of a hug, but I survived.  It was really hard for me to admit how much it hurts to miss someone special, but strangely, there was a sense of relief once I did.  I still am not comfortable with this attachment, with this idea of missing someone that much.  But I'm dealing.

My therapist would say that because of all the challenges over the past three months, because of those ups and downs, and because of the emotional pain involved in missing someone... she would say that surviving this ordeal has made me stronger. 

I think she's right... kind of.  I don't know that I'm any stronger, but I do agree that I've changed, that I've grown as a result of this experience.  I've been more in touch (reluctantly) with my emotions than ever before.  I've felt very supported and cared for, despite this absence, my therapist has made sure of that.  I don't know where I would be without her.  My whole team is incredible, but my therapist?  One of a kind.  I've learned what it's like to feel some key emotions I've repressed for my whole life.  No, I don't enjoy that whole feel-the-anger-feel-the-sadness part, and I'm not terribly good at it, but I've experienced both over the past three months, and as promised, neither killed me.

Life has a funny way of teaching lessons.  All I know right now, is one month... I just hope it doesn't go as slowly as that first month did!