I was watching a movie this morning, Bedazzled, and as the
end credits rolled, this song came on.
Funny thing is that as I watched the movie (I only caught the last 45 minutes or so) I kept thinking that there was a bigger message than selling your soul to the devil, that there was more to the film than the humor and Satan references. I mean, it's pretty obvious, and I knew that, I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Then I heard the song.
And I cried.
Cause this battle, the one I'm fighting with myself, is exhausting.
It's been a while since a song made it's way onto the blog, and there's no time like the present to pop one in right now. Especially this one. Life, right now, has become so complicated lately. My mind is even fuller than usual (if that's even possible!) and that makes a lot of tasks more challenging than they need to be.
I know this is an old one, but it's a good one, at least in my mind....
So there's the song that's been stuck in my head for a while. Not the greatest of earworms, but not the worst. A part of me really likes the song, as there is a great message in it. Yet.... another part of me doesn't like it. There's something just not right about it.
The first time I heard it on the radio, I skipped over it, only to come back to it when nothing good was on the other stations. There was (and is) something catchy about the tune. The line that caught me was this:
"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."
I don't know about you, but that is a reminder I need to hear every hour on the hour, and on the quarter hour when I'm in a bad place. Another less powerful, but equally powerful (I know, I'm oxymoronic today) line says "my mamma she told me don't worry about your size." Another truth. Another thing I need to be reminded of. All good so far, right?
And yet...... maybe you need to watch the video (though it may be a little offensive in places? Or not? I like the throw back to the 50's-ish-era.) and see what you think. There's just something about the fact that "boys like a little more booty to hold at night," and "I ain't no size two but I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do, Cause I got that boom boom in that all the boys chase, all the right junk in all the right places."
I don't know about you, but something just doesn't sit well with me there. Does that mean I turn the song off when I hear it on the radio? Nope. I even sing along to this earworm. Doesn't mean I love all of it, though. Guess that's the black and white thinking my therapist always reminds me of - this song is a grey are for me.
ETA - Just found this article that outlines my exact dilemma about this song..... interesting read.....
I love, love, love this topic! You may have been able to tell, as last time around this topic had, oh....... nine entries!
Anyway, right now there is yet another Katy Perry song that I LOVE. It reminds me of a song I posted a while ago by Sara Bareillis. They both have such an uplifting message, and both songs make me smile when I hear even the first few bars on the radio.
Katy Perry: Roar
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now [Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now [Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...
Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...
You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
Oh boy. Another one? Seriously? Only five?! I have an entire page devoted to music! Picking only five is gonna be tough. So here's my compromise. I'm picking five that may or may not be on the list already. Promise me you'll check out the music page for the rest.... and note that like the quote page, it's an ever growing page, too!
Here we go.... in no particular order, five favorite songs:
Song 1: The Killers - When You Were Young
Song 2: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
Song 3: Owl City - Fireflies
Song 4: Yes - I've Seen All Good People
Song 5: Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go
There you have it. My very eclectic mix of songs. It took me over two hours to narrow it down to just five! Not an easy (or fun) task!
Day 29 Prompt: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post.
Have you seen the movie Meet The Robinsons? It's one of, if not my favorite Disney movie. It's one of those movies that if I see it is on, I flip to it just to have it playing in the background, and then end up watching much of it!
The other day, I hit the couch after a very intense therapy session, and flipped on the television. What was on? Yup! Meet The Robinsons! It was the tail end of the movie, and the perfect way to decompress.
While I've seen the movie in it's entirety at least a half dozen times (I show it nearly every year in the classroom) I've never truly heard the song that plays at the end. And this time, after the intensity of therapy, I heard it.
Don't know if it's cause of where I was in the moment, or if I finally listened to the lyrics, or what, but wow. I heard it like I've never heard it before. And I cried. Oh...... how I cried.
Have you seen the movie Moneyball? It's one of my favorite movies. I never get tired of watching it. In fact, I just finished watching it again.... and though this song struck me from the first time I watched the movie, it hit a homer tonight. Make that a grand slam.
Music seems to be speaking to me louder than usual as of late. Maybe because these days, other than my therapist's voice, music is the only thing that gets through to this frenetically hyperactive brain of mine. Gives me momentary pause to think.
Sometimes that's a good thing. Tonight? I've kinda liked not thinking.
More processing ahead.......
The Show (Lyrics below)
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone,
I've tried and I don't know why
Slow it down, make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough..
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows, they've got a ticket to the show
Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone,
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show....
I was out for a walk with The Pup this afternoon and noticed a few blackbirds enjoying the patches of sunshine. The song Blackbird instantly popped into my head and I've been humming it ever since.
This lyric has been stuck in my head:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
It took me by complete surprise how profoundly this lyric struck me. My mom is a huge Beatles fan, so I've been listening to them since birth. I enjoy their music, but I'm not a die-hard fan. There is definitely some significance of this particular lyric, the part about these broken wings, and learning to fly? Only waiting for this moment to arise?
Might be obvious at first glance, but methinks something is percolating in this chaotic brain of mine... something more significant than face value of the words printed here....
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Black bird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise, You were only waiting for this moment to arise, You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
"I wanted to do SOMETHING for the
families and I didn't know what else to do. Ed Sheeran's guitar played
at the exact moment I heard about the tragedy. The song came out of me
faster than any before. It felt wrong not to share it. I hope this finds
its way to the proper ears at the proper time. God Bless you. I'm so
grateful to be alive. Maybe this terrible day will make sense in Heaven." --Mike Posner
I guess this fits in the ongoing "Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning" series. Lately I've been really challenged to find the words to express myself. I feel full of this false sense of good, and if I open my mouth, I'll lose it all. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but this time, the shoe is in my hand.
And I know I'm going to drop it.
In fact, I might already have. That would explain the tearful mess I've been this evening. On the heels of a pretty decent end to the week, as life would have it. Now, though? I just feel like....
Some Nights by Fun
Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style
And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I? mmm... mmm...
Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (come on)
So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?
(Come on)
No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on
Oh, come on. Oh, come on, OH COME ON!
Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the heck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...
Some terrible nights...ahhh...
The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...
The title says it all. I'm down in the dumps. I have been for a while. I was just hoping that once school started, I'd snap out of it.
But that doesn't seem to be the case.
Instead, I still feel lost. Sad. Depressed. Exhausted. Emotionally distraught.
I've tried to write a post for the last week or so, but the words aren't coming. That's probably been one of the best things about the Blogging for Wellbeing project - it's easier for me to write to a prompt when I'm stuck like this. With this lack of words, I'm resorting to music. Which ironically, I haven't been listening to much of lately. You could say this is another round of Words That Give Me Meaning if you wanted. I really don't care.
The current song that is looping through the lost neurons in my brain is Kings of Leon's Use Somebody. The first hundred times I listened to it, I really did want somebody. I wanted somebody else to fix things, to make things better, to make things easier, to be there for me. Now I realize that I need to be the person who is there for me. It's a lousy realization, even though it's a healthy one. I just gotta figure out how to be there for me..... cause it's pretty hard to hug yourself....
Use Somebody
Kings of Leon
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now, I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Such a fun topic! As a quote collector, it's going to be tough to choose just the right ones this week.....
I am a big music junkie. I have music playing whenever I can (thanks to streaming music sources!) I will listen to pretty much anything, too. I love this line from The Middle because it is one of those songs that no matter how many times I listen to it, I always smile. I can always use the reminder that I don't need to try to be someone else, just being me is good enough. Sometimes I'm better at listening than others, but hey, what can I say?
July 4th is a special day in the United States of America.
It's the 236th birthday of the good ole' U. S. of A.
If you think about it, today can be more than the country's independence day. It can be a day that we choose to take back our independence from whatever it is holding us back. It also might mean we surrender that fierce independence and begin to allow ourselves to lean on others for support. Today can be a lot more than just the birthday of a nation.... it can be a celebration of a personal victory, celebrating one step closer toward freedom from whatever it is holding you back.
With that in mind.... I'm revisiting Week 7... yep, that means another song! As cliche as this is for today, this song is one of my all time favorites. I remember when it first came out, how the words spoke to the depths of my cells, and the lyrics filled me with hope. I actually did a pretty dynamic writing assignment with my students using this song. The video is quite powerful, but even more powerful is the story behind the video's creation. Enjoy!
Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning - Take 7
Firework by Katy Perry
(lyrics below video)
(Check out the making of the video at the end of this post!)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"
You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, you cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
I really don't have much to say about perfect. It has such negative connotations for me I can't yet speak about it well. However, there are two songs that I absolutely cling to for words when I need to explain. The above song is my favorite, and it's a relatively unknown song. In fact, the only place I found it was a clip someone put up on YouTube, patched together from the episode of Make It or Break It in which the song was heard. I have yet to find a complete version anywhere, and believe me, I've searched! The title of the song is so motivating - It's Not Perfect, But It's Me. I want to get to the place where I can say that, and mean it.
The other song? You're probably more familiar with it. When I first heard P!nk's Perfect(I prefer the clean version, thank you very much!) I was floored that someone could pull thoughts out of my head so cleanly. But she did. And while these days, the song doesn't invoke the strong emotional reaction it did when I first heard it, it still speaks to me.
Prompt: Does this word have positive feelings attached to it or
negative ones? Do you feel the same way about this word as you used to?
What does perfect mean to you? To other people? Does “perfect” even
exist? Maybe there is a poem that expresses this best for you, maybe a
quote, an image, etc.
(It's P!nk's lyric video - no images shown in the video.)
Ok. I know I tend to hide behind lyrics or quotes. So I'll elaborate a bit.
I cringe when I hear the word trouble. Yes, I'm an adult (chronologically, at least) but I still worry about getting in trouble. Especially with my team. I am driven to work on tasks they set forth solely based on the fear of getting in trouble. I hate screwing up, making a mistake, I hate doing anything that could get me in trouble. Remember, I don't like to make waves. To me, getting in trouble makes some pretty big waves.
As a kid, getting in trouble was not good. Not good at all. I think I took that fear of getting in trouble into my adult life. While that fear may have been very rational as a kid, and a great coping mechanism to keep me from some harsh punishments, it's a tool that no longer serves me as an adult. Instead, sometimes that fear of getting in trouble keeps me from trying. Whenever someone says, "we need to talk," my stomach drops and I instantly think that I've done something wrong, that I'm in trouble. That fear of making a mistake can keep me from taking a risk that could prove positive and successful.
On a lighter note...
remember these?
Prompt: What does this word signify for you? Does it trigger a memory? A diagnosis?
I have made it three months. The first two months d-r-a-g-g-e-d by, the last month, while slow, wasn't as torturous. That's likely cause I was rather preoccupied with recovering from surgery. Doesn't mean I didn't think about her every single day. One month from today, she'll be back. Three months ago, I was shocked I survived the first month. One month from now, I'll be able to say I survived four whole months without someone pretty important in my life right now.
There were lots (I mean lots) of ups and downs. There were a few scary moments, where all I wanted was to be wrapped up the safety of a hug, but I survived. It was really hard for me to admit how much it hurts to miss someone special, but strangely, there was a sense of relief once I did. I still am not comfortable with this attachment, with this idea of missing someone that much. But I'm dealing.
My therapist would say that because of all the challenges over the past three months, because of those ups and downs, and because of the emotional pain involved in missing someone... she would say that surviving this ordeal has made me stronger.
I think she's right... kind of. I don't know that I'm any stronger, but I do agree that I've changed, that I've grown as a result of this experience. I've been more in touch (reluctantly) with my emotions than ever before. I've felt very supported and cared for, despite this absence, my therapist has made sure of that. I don't know where I would be without her. My whole team is incredible, but my therapist? One of a kind. I've learned what it's like to feel some key emotions I've repressed for my whole life. No, I don't enjoy that whole feel-the-anger-feel-the-sadness part, and I'm not terribly good at it, but I've experienced both over the past three months, and as promised, neither killed me.
Life has a funny way of teaching lessons. All I know right now, is one month... I just hope it doesn't go as slowly as that first month did!
It has absolutely been a crazy few months. Lots of family stuff, lots of health stuff, lots of stuff in general. I'm starting to realize that my life thrives on the chaotic times that never seem to end, yet, somehow, I seemed to have learned to live amidst the chaos.
Despite the chaos, though, I have managed to somewhat stabilize my weight. This is a very good thing, and a part of me is quite pleased with my progress. Only a few short months ago, I was barely able to maintain from week to week. A year ago, I wasn't even eating enough to sustain basic metabolic function. I've come a long way! I mean, I even saw *that* number a few weeks ago, and while it startled me, it didn't derail my progress like it did last time. Talk about progress!
In a few weeks, I'll be having minor surgery. This comes after a two and a half year journey and dozens upon dozens of doctor visits, so I'm actually kind of excited that there is not only an answer to this issue, but a solution, too.
Here's what I don't get.
In thinking about my progress with my health and eating, I can see how far I've come, and how much better I'm doing. So why then, has the nasty little voice in my mind been telling me that as soon as the surgery is over, and I'm recovered from that, I'm going back to my (not-so) good buddy who never has my best interest in mind in the first place? Why then, would I throw away the hard work of the past few months once the surgery is done, only to go backwards in my recovery? Why on earth would I even entertain those thoughts?
No explanation needed for this one. The lyrics really say it all.
Introducing Song 6:
Waiting For The End by Linkin Park
This is not the end, this is not the beginning Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm Though the words sound steady something empty's within them We say yeah with fists flying up in the air Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear
Waiting for the end to come Wishing I had strength to stand This is not what I had planned It's out of my control Flying at the speed of light Thoughts were spinning in my head So many things were left unsaid It's hard to let you go
I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I want to do Is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got
Sitting in an empty room Trying to forget the past This was never meant to last I wish it wasn't so
I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I want to do Is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got
What was left when that fire was gone I thought it felt right but that right was wrong All caught up in the eye of the storm And trying to figure out what it's like moving on And I don't even know what kind of things I said My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin The hardest part of ending is starting again
All I want to do Is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got I'm holding on to what I haven't got I'm holding on to what I haven't got
This is not the end, this is not the beginning Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm Though the words sound steady something empty's within them We say yeah with fists flying up in the air Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear
