I had a very dreaded doctor's appointment today -- one that I made way back in September, which means I've been waiting over four months. Not gonna lie, t was a pretty bad appointment, too. The doctor was nice enough, but the office always stresses me out -- it's outdated, the walls need repainting desperately, the floors never look clean enough, and the staff are so not the best.....
However.
I was very pleasantly surprised when the X-ray technician called me in to her space. Her space was SUCH a contrast to the rest of the office. The X-ray room had inspirational quotes on the walls. It had framed pictures of beautiful images. There was calming classical music playing. There were soft curtains and a beautiful wooden bench with welcoming pillows in the changing area. There were little smiles tucked all over the space, which was not very big.
For the first time all appointment, I was able to breathe. I didn't feel like I was holding myself, stressed, clenched muscles. I was comfortable, calmer, and breathing. I complimented the technician on the space, and she replied that it's important to help people feel calm, and that since she spends so much time in the room, she wanted it to be a place she'd like, too.
It was a very unexpected surprise to find this little gem of a room in such an "interesting" office...............
Have you seen the movie Moneyball? It's one of my favorite movies. I never get tired of watching it. In fact, I just finished watching it again.... and though this song struck me from the first time I watched the movie, it hit a homer tonight. Make that a grand slam.
Music seems to be speaking to me louder than usual as of late. Maybe because these days, other than my therapist's voice, music is the only thing that gets through to this frenetically hyperactive brain of mine. Gives me momentary pause to think.
Sometimes that's a good thing. Tonight? I've kinda liked not thinking.
More processing ahead.......
The Show (Lyrics below)
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone,
I've tried and I don't know why
Slow it down, make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough..
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows, they've got a ticket to the show
Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone,
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show....
It's ironic that this week's topic is learning, because boy did I do a lot of that this week, and much of it was unexpected and happened in a way that I didn't realize I was even learning!
I know this quote is somewhat cliche, and a bit old school, but this was my week (except for the last line about being beautiful, of course.) I found an inner strength that I didn't realize I had. I was braver than I thought I could be. And even more than that, through all the insanity, I remained calm. At least on the outside.
See, this week was back to school week. Time to set up the classroom. Four whole days dedicated to setting up and getting ready. But my room wasn't ready for me to set it up. It wasn't even ready for me to be in until after quittin' time on day four. Which meant that for four days, I watched my colleagues get their rooms ready. I watched them excitedly open their classroom supply orders and put everything away.
And I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. I wanted to throw a temper tantrum. Cause my room was the ONLY room not ready. Not safe to be in because of construction chaos.
Instead, I stayed strong. I kept a brave face. I made myself as useful as I could. And when I did need to cry (which happened the whole way home each day) I escaped to my good friend's quiet classroom. No one knew how upset I was on the inside. And it seemed that the more upset I got inside, the calmer I became on the outside. I've always been able to do that IN the classroom. But this? Even this was more than I expected.
So what did I learn? That when push comes to shove, and strong is the only thing you can be, I can pull it together and be that. (And fall apart afterward. Which for now, is gonna have to be ok!)
I love this image of Hobbes. Telling me, and everyone else, to calm down. It is kind of funny, because Hobbes was always the calming factor of the pair - Calvin, off creating mischief while Hobbes was looking for a sun filled spot on the rug to rest. Which, by the way, is one of my favorite ways to calm down, too. A quiet rest, curled up with a soft blanket. Nap or not, just laying there resting helps.
I also like to do something repetitive, like bounce a ball, or toss something from hand to hand - something that requires no thought, but slowly becomes a mundane routine. Even something simple like fiddling with a soft piece of cuddle fleece, weaving it through my fingers while curled up in the corner of the couch? That does wonders for my hyperactive mind.
Finally, I often turn to music. Like a fellowblogger in this project, music is a huge tool for bringing me back to Earth. On the flip side, it can also pump me up, too. I have playlists for just about every mood - I know which list to play if I'm feeling down in the dumps and want a good cry, which list cheers me up, which list makes me want to dance (when no one is looking, of course!) and which list will settle me down. Music says so much more than I can ever say, and there is definitely something reassuring in that.
However.
