Week 50: A Special Place

When I am overwhelmed or need a break, my first go-to place would be my therapist's office.  Unfortunately, that isn't always feasible...... and no amount of wishing changes that!

The next best place is my bed.  Sounds depressing, I know, but hear me out.

See, when I'm in that space of needing a break, a vacation, or to disappear for a while, curling up with the Pup in my bed is the fastest way for me to get back to the land of the living.  Sometimes it takes just ten minutes of lying on the cool sheets, wrapping my fingers around the super soft blanket, feeling the weight of the Pup curled up by my side, to bring my breathing and heart rate back to normal.  There is something very safe about my bed, even more so now that I've finished decorating (after like 10 years) my bedroom so that I truly love being in there.

(Yes, I'll be honest and admit that sometimes it is only ten minutes, while other times it's four hours or more.)

Now, if you're asking about my special place to go when I need a break in general, and can actually take one?  That's a while different story!  In that case, I'd hop on the first plane and go to one of two places:

- my friend's house in Los Angeles, whose backyard is a sanctuary and whose kitchen I actually enjoy being in, or
- this sweet little retreat center near Puerto Vallarta with individual open air casitas, that have running water and flushing toilets, but no electricity..... where the surfing is the best, and the food is unreal, and there is nothing to do but enjoy the nature surrounding you!

I think I'll go crawl into bed right now...... not because I need a break, but because it's time for bed!

Week 49: Traditions!

Whenever I hear the word traditions I think of the song from Fiddler on the Roof.  Don't know which one I'm talking about?  You can watch it here:

Anyway, my family doesn't have a ton of traditions.  My parents have hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the last at least 18 years.  My mom's extended family comes, which is kind of nice.  We've also always had a small family gathering for the holidays, just the immediate family, which again, is kind of nice.

Otherwise....... I know there are several traditions I want to begin when I have my own family..... one of which I've already begun! 

• First/Last Day of School - Sundaes for dinner! (I already do the last day of school sundae fun!)
• Fancy Dinner Night - At least once a month I want to turn the house into a "fancy restaurant" complete with table cloths, dinner in the dining room, candles, fancy china, etc.  Have the kids dress nicely, practice manners, and really just have a special evening together.
  
• Hights/Lows of the day - Evening meal conversation to include the high/lows of everyone's day.  If not at the dinner table, at bedtime.  If no children, then just with my future (and yet to meet) husband.
• Summer camping trip - once a summer I want to go for 5 days.  Camping.  Tent/cabin to be determined later.  Beach and hiking a must!
• Holiday gift giving - instead of purchasing gifts for each other, donations will be given to a charity the recipient would like instead of giving the recipient a gift.  I'd also like to either adopt a family, or make sure to participate in a local Mitzvah day, or visit a food pantry/shelter or something as a family.
• Volunteering will be a regular part of our life.
• Birthdays - Make them a memorable event - such as a concert, a play, a picnic at a favorite place, something that doesn't revolve around food, and doesn't revolve around lots of trinkets.

Overall, I want my family to collect memories, not clutter.  Easier said than done, but nonetheless, very important to me, as my family is the opposite.  They like to give lots of little trinket-gifts to show their "love" for each other, whereas I'd prefer either one nicer gift, or a nice outing together where the photographs become the gift....

Week 48: Celebrate!

I didn't really think that I'd have much worth celebrating.  My life just isn't that exciting.

However.  When I sat down and thought about it..... and started digging deep..... shocking (or not!) I found a celebration right in front of my face!  It wasn't in existence even a month ago, but now, as I sit here and type this, it is definitely worth celebrating!

Every summer my goal has been to work on my house.  To finish the kitchen.  To redo the bedroom.  To decorate.  To do something to make my house a home.  Well my friends, this summer, not only did I set the same goal, but I'm in process of actually accomplishing it!

Project one was simple, to make my mirror look a little nicer.  $25 later and two hours later, project one was complete, and made such a difference in the bathroom!  I still hate looking in the mirror, but now I can't help but look at the mirror!

Project two involved a not-so little box that has been sitting in the corner of my dining room for over four years.  I am proud to say it is no longer sitting in the dining room.  As a matter of fact, the box is no where to be seen anymore.  Instead, my kitchen is a bit happier!

Week 47: Motivation

This week's post is about motivation.  More specifically, what motivates me to recover.  I'm a little embarrassed to admit that my major source of motivation today is still quite closely resembling my motivation way back two years ago.....  And my motivation when I tackled this topic back in February......

Yes, I am still working on maintaining my recovery progress for my team.  They've put so much work into me, their time, their energy, their care.... I will not throw that away.  Funny thing is, while I still *need* my therapist multiple times a week, I've managed to taper back with my dietitian, and see her every three weeks.  And it's working pretty well, actually!  Maybe I have made more progress at that inner motivation than I thought....

And you know what?  I actually don't want to throw away the time and effort I've put in, either.  Yes, it's tempting, at times, to let myself sink back into my old ways, and I had a recent spell with that unwelcome visitor that I'm still recovering from.... but.... I'm not gonna throw it all away, either.  My hair finally stopped falling out in handfuls only a few months ago.  I am coming off the best school year ever.  All because I've been working at keeping recovery. 

So maybe there have been changes in my motivation to recover.... maybe it really is starting to switch to internal motivation after all.........

Week 46: Energy Boost!

What gives me energy, you ask? 
Why, chocolate, of course!

Oh.  Other than the obvious chocolate.

Hmmm...... lemme think on that.  To me, the obvious answer is to take a nap.  But sometimes I wake up more tired than energized.  Sunshine is always a good energizer, as is a quick swim in the pool, but those aren't usually that helpful in the winter!

I am energized by teaching.  Seriously.  You might think that being in charge of 25 nine year olds for seven hours is exhausting.  And it is.  Very much so.  But at the same time, it is so energizing!  When I'm running low at school, I can pause what we're doing and we can take a dance break, or go for a quick lap around the baseball field, or tell some jokes, or do some yoga.  Lots of possibilities for a quick, three-minute energy boost when you're surrounded by so much energy!

But my go-to answer when I'm at home?  And exhausted, without time for a nap?
Chocolate, of course!

Week 45: Three Wishes

Hmmm..... Three wishes.

If you were to grant me three wishes as a kid, my first wish would be for unlimited wishes!  Thank you to Aladdin for clarifying the rules!

My wishes are pretty simple, and have been the standard wishes I wish for when I wish upon a star. (Yeah, I still do that.  So what?)

Wish One - I wish for happiness and good health for those that I care about.
Wish Two - I wish that all children receive the love and care they deserve.
Wish Three - I wish to see myself the way others see me.

There you have it...  My three wishes...

(An aside - If Wish Three is granted, then I will also fall under the group of "those that I care about" and will therefore be rewarded with Wish One, as well.)

Week 44: Holiday Smiles

During the holiday season, what makes me smile the most is watching the Random Acts Of Kindness that seem to be more plentiful during this time of year.  It is so wonderful to see so much giving!  Whether someone has adopted a family, or donated to a food pantry, or volunteered at a soup kitchen.... giving is giving, no matter how you look at it.

My favorite part of the season would be the giving.  While I'm not a fan of receiving gifts (the same reaction I have to compliments) I do love giving them.  I enjoy shopping to special tokens of appreciation for those that I work with, and care about.  Though money isn't plentiful, there is always room to give.

Week 43: Advice for the Season

Well, this topic is a tough one for me, because I am one who avoids the holiday chaos as much as possible.  I'm not one for social gatherings, especially when the attendance is more than 8.  The topic is recovery advice or encouragement that is helpful during the holiday season.

The timing was quite perfect, as my friend Tamara over at Faith and Substance reminded me of a little saying that I've heard for years, but had forgotten about until she reminded me:

 
I think this is a great reminder for all of us this holiday season - from those of us who celebrate nearly every weekend till the new year, to those of us who celebrate solo.  For me, it's a reminder to stop and remember the little things that I have.  Some people wish they had a steady job, a warm bed, and food to eat.  I've got all of that, and more.  So when the depression of winter sets in, and the stress over the holidays knocks me out, I am going to work to remember that in the grand scheme of things, I really am too blessed to be stressed!

Week 41: Dream Job

That's an easy one!

If I could do any job, I'd be a technology teacher in an elementary school.  Let me be more specific- I would be a technology teacher in an elementary school that has up-to-date and fully functioning technology!

I've thought about a variety of different educational endeavors that I could tackle over the years, but all of them take me out of the classroom, which is my favorite part of teaching.  For the last few years I've become the go-to person for tech trouble in my building.  I'm also a creative brainstormer when it comes to ways to integrate technology into projects and learning instead of making it an add on.

I don't know...... there's something pretty spectacular about putting a digital native (read: child of today) in front of a computer and supporting them along the creative and innovative learning experience of today....

So there you have it, my dream job.  If anyone happens to have an extra salary laying around, and would be willing to donate it to my school, I'd happily accept it, cause right now, a tech teacher is not in the budget!

Week 40: Favorite TV Show

Yikes! This is going to be tough!  Kinda like picking characters that remind me of me, there are just too many choices! Not that I'm a big TV junkie, because I'm not. At least not anymore. I used to have the TV on whenever I was home, just for background noise. I usually kept it on Food Network. Now, I find the background noise to be a bit annoying, and I only watch a select few shows all together.

Dividing this up into current and past might make it a little simpler.

My current/recent favorite TV show is The Big Bang Theory. I can't help but laugh out loud as I watch! I DVR episodes just so I can watch them again and again. Really helps bring a smile to my face on a gloomy day! I am embarrassed to admit that I've probably seen every episode thus far. (Except this week's episode, still haven't watched it, but it's on DVR!)

My two favorite TV shows from the less-distant past are Friends and Gilmore Girls. And yes, I've seen every episode of both of them. I can quote both, too. And I never get tired of the reruns (though there are a few Friends episodes that I've seen so many times....) I wish I lived in a town like Stars Hollow, I loved the small feel of the place. Oh, and the banter between Lorelei and Rory didn't hurt, either.

As for overall most favorite shows?  These two three stem from my oh-so-distant childhood.  Kids Incorporated was a Disney Channel favorite and I loved watching it. I still remember every single word of the theme song, and can hear in my head at the slightest mention of Kids, Inc. (I may or may not have spent way too much money purchasing VHS tapes of the show on ebay.)  Nickelodeon hosted another favorite of mine, which recently came out on DVD, much to my surprise! Hey Dude was about as fake as they come, but I didn't care. I loved being at the Bar None ranch with Kyle and Brad and Mr. Ernst. My weekly escape to the summer vacation of my dreams. Finally, and likely my most favorite show of all time, Punky Brewster tops the list. I wanted her bedroom. I wanted her to be my best friend. I admired her optimism and spunk, despite the challenges she faced.

Ok, so I narrowed it down to six, not too bad considering the list spans 30 years!

Week 39: Favorite Time of Day

My favorite time of day is only a few minutes away, actually!  I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but this blog is all about keeping things real.  Nothing but the honest, albeit painful, truth.

In a few minutes, I get to crawl into bed.  My bed, that is so comfortable and cozy.... I feel almost giddy thinking about how yummy it feels to crawl into bed, snuggle into the layers of blankets and sheets and pillows and softness.... I can't adequately describe it..... so let's see if this helps.

Let me try and give a clearer picture.  Have you ever bathed a dog, or seen a dog bathed? Picture that.  Picture the dog in the shower or tub.  Then picture the dog being freed of the water, and giving that whole-body shake that sends water flying everywhere.  Now, picture that same dog, finally let loose into the yard, and watch that dog roll around in the grass and dirt.  Imagine how happy they feel.  Now picture that huge sigh that the dog releases as they finally feel like themselves again.

That's how I feel crawling into my bed.

It's just me and my comfortable, soft, warm, welcoming bed.... I look forward to crawling into bed hours before I actually get to crawl in.  And when that moment finally arrives?  Yeah.  I sigh.

(Ironically, I never liked my bed as a kid!)

Our One Year Blog-a-versary!

Exactly year ago today I decided to jump into the blog-o-sphere.

This blog wouldn't have happened without the encouragement of a few special people.  I was stumped as to what to name my blog, since I wanted it to be kept anonymous, I couldn't use anything too obvious as a name.  It was then that a friend suggested playing around with my favorite color as the name.  Hence, My Purple Dreams was born.

Without the encouragement of another friend, I'd never have started the blog in the first place.  She invited me to join a small group of people working on ed recovery on Facebook.  The project started eight weeks prior to me joining, so I was a bit behind, but I didn't mind, and neither did she.  Thank you T & T, for your encouragement and support with this blog project!

In the past year, sooooo much has changed.  Some for the better, some changes are still in need of being made.  Along the way there were periods where posts were plentiful, other times, posts were sparse, but all the while, My Purple Dreams grew.  It is still growing, just as I am.  This blog has become such a powerful tool for me in every area of my life.  There is something very empowering about sharing my life with others - the ups and the downs - and being accepted and supported by my readers.

We're all traveling on our journeys, and I'm honored that you've chosen to be a part of mine for this past year, and hope that we'll continue to travel together for many more years to come!

Week 38: Where Has Time Gone?

That is such a good question.  Where has time gone?  It seems like just yesterday it was summer vacation, and now it's nearly Halloween.  This school year is flying by, which while I don't mind that, I do mind that I always feel so stinking tired!

Funny thing is, that I was just looking at some recent pictures of my former students.  I worked with them when they were 8-9 years old.  This was a special group, so we've kept in contact through the years.  The pictures I saw today were pictures of young ladies and young men.  Not pictures of 8-9 year old kids.  These kids are gangly teens now.  Looking at them and seeing how much they've changed in the past few years.... makes me feel old.  At the same time, it makes me proud to see what wonderful people they have grown into.

Me, on the other hand?  It's been a whirlwind, that's for sure!

Week 37: Most Meaningful Gift I've Received

I'm going to take two perspectives on this one, too.  Cause there are at least two angles in which to view this prompt, at least as I see it!

First, the literal version.  The most meaningful gift I've received came from my students.  It actually came in three, no, four parts.  The first part was the gift my principal gave me in letting me loop up a grade with my entire class.  Yep.  Two years.  Same classroom.  Same kids.  Same families.  Ah-may-zing.  The final three parts of that gift came the last week of school.  The parents put together a few things that had me bawling.

For starters, the class made me a giant card.  We're talking GIANT.  Two poster boards.  They decorated it, wrote their favorite memories from the years, and signed it.  It is safely tucked away and I'll likely keep it forever.  The second part of the gift was an incredible step stool.  The sentiments on it talks about helping them "step up" into the next grade.  It is decorated so sweetly, with their fingerprints turned into animals, and their favorite sayings from our time together.  The last gift, was tucked away into the stool (which lives in my bedroom as a foot stool!)  It was a book.  It was no ordinary book.  It was a hard cover, dust jacked, photo book of our two years together.  Each child had a two page spread with pictures of them both in and out of school during our time together, along with a favorite memory or thought.  The last two pages in the book contain a note from each student.... I can't read that book without bawling....

Now, the not-so-literal version.

The most meaningful gift I've been given is the gift of reflection and connection.  Because of who I am, and my life, I, somehow, have a very easy time connecting with my students.  They comment that I understand them, I get them, and I just know how to make things work for them.  Which I guess, is true?  I don't quite know what it is that I do in the classroom, because a lot of it comes automatically, but somehow, I manage to connect with each of my students throughout the year and help make them feel special.  I think that gift comes via the gift of reflection.  I'm uber reflective, often to a fault.  I ponder and ponder until I have analyzed and journaled about everything.  I think that it's in that reflection process that I find ways to connect with my students.  Maybe?

Gifts.  Literal and figurative.  I still prefer to give them than receive them!

Week 36: Most Meaningful Gift I've Given

This topic had me stumped for a while, hence the hiatus on this particular blog challenge.  Ironic, too, as I posed this topic for conversation.

It's hard for me to gauge what the most meaningful gift I've given is, because I am not the receiver of the gift, and I will never fully know what the receiver thinks.  That said... there are a few gifts that were meaningful for me to gift, and I hope they were equally as meaningful for the receiver.

One of the gifts I gave was a quilt.  This was a very special quilt, as I had spent months working on it.  It was a photo quilt with pictures of the family.  No, this wasn't my family, it was a friend's family that had become very close to me.  I was nannying for them for a summer, but I've known them for a long time. In fact, the mother of this family is someone that I've written about before, as one S is an inspirational person in my life.  Though we don't see each other or talk as often as we did, S will always be special to me.

This quilt was extremely special to me, because upon graduating from high school, S gave me a blanket.  Said blanket has been on my bed ever since it was gifted to me, and it has very special meaning, as it is like being wrapped in a hug with all her good wishes for me.  So for me to be able to gift her and her family a blanket filled with photos of the family, making it was very special to me, and I know receiving it was very special to them.

The other gift that comes to mind is one with a slightly different story.  A person I work with, who was very helpful to me as I transitioned into my current position, was telling me about her favorite book as a child.  Knowing this, and with my affinity to books (ok, my addiction to book collecting) I was able to track down a copy of said book.  While the cost of this book was next to nothing, the value was priceless, as was the look on her face when she opened it.

Dunno.  I can only hope they appreciated the meaning behind their gifts as much as I did.....

Week 35: Turning Point

I can finally complete this week's topic!  I've been sitting on it for a while, and just couldn't find anything to write about.  This weekend, though, I was given a homework assignment from my therapist (very rare occurrence!) and found myself knee deep in old journals where I found it!  My turning point!  I actually even wrote in that entry "turning point:..." making it even easier for me to find!

There were several events that led to the turning point of my life, maybe you'd call them "mini-turning points" or something?  Dunno.  Anyway.  Here goes.

September 1995 - My teacher saved my life.  Literally.  I would not have made it through senior year of high school if she didn't find me that afternoon and rescue me from myself.

December 1996 - Wow!  There is life outside of the way my family lives!  I think I could learn to like this lifestyle! (Traveling as a nanny for an awesome family.)

May 1998 - ED behaviors escalate.... a lot....

August 1999 - Back in the saddle again!  Oh how I missed riding!

I am so not there yet...

December 2003 - Turning point.  Graduated from College after 6 1/2 years.  Hired on as a permanent sub at my school.  Never would have made it here if it weren't for my incredible teacher for my last course of college!  She saved my education!


June 2004 - Got hired!  In my own classroom!  MY CLASSROOM!  Yahoo!

August 2004 - Finally a homeowner (sort of) and moving out of their house!  Free at last!

Week 34: Calming Down

I love this image of Hobbes. Telling me, and everyone else, to calm down.  It is kind of funny, because Hobbes was always the calming factor of the pair - Calvin, off creating mischief while Hobbes was looking for a sun filled spot on the rug to rest.  Which, by the way, is one of my favorite ways to calm down, too.  A quiet rest, curled up with a soft blanket.  Nap or not, just laying there resting helps.

I also like to do something repetitive, like bounce a ball, or toss something from hand to hand - something that requires no thought, but slowly becomes a mundane routine.  Even something simple like fiddling with a soft piece of cuddle fleece, weaving it through my fingers while curled up in the corner of the couch?  That does wonders for my hyperactive mind.

Finally, I often turn to music.  Like a fellow blogger in this project, music is a huge tool for bringing me back to Earth.  On the flip side, it can also pump me up, too.  I have playlists for just about every mood - I know which list to play if I'm feeling down in the dumps and want a good cry, which list cheers me up, which list makes me want to dance (when no one is looking, of course!) and which list will settle me down.  Music says so much more than I can ever say, and there is definitely something reassuring in that.

Week 33: Prized Possession

Wow.  Most prized possession.  Does my house count?  Cause I am pretty proud of the fact that I, basically on my own, found a place to live, bought it (or am paying the mortgage) and have been fiscally responsible since moving out on my own.  It's quite a feat for me, actually.

But I'm not sure that a house counts as a possession.... So I guess.... well... I guess I'd say that I really value the pictures I have from when we had family gatherings when I was little.  Those are pretty special.  Back when I didn't realize how abnormal my life really was.

But that's a collection of things, so maybe that doesn't count either.... Alright.  I have it.  My most prized possession.

My teaching certificate.

It was a looonnnnggggg and rocky road getting through high school graduation and into college, and an even looonnnngggggeeeerrrr road getting through college.  When I got the phone call telling me I had gotten the job, my dream job in my dream building, in my dream grade?  All that was worth it.  The long journey to earn that teaching certificate has made me the teacher I am today.  Without that certificate, I would not be allowed to teach, to do what I love to do, and to work with the amazing kids and families that I do.  That certificate makes it all possible.  And I earned it. (And yes, 11 years after first earning that certificate, I still love my job and can't imagine doing anything else!)

Week 32: Inspirational Person

This summer, my support community expanded considerably.  In addition to the people I met that inspired this blog, I have become part of another blogging community, that has been wonderful in helping me continue finding words worth sharing along the journey.  While I don't know them personally, each of them, and the stories they share, inspire me.

I am so incredibly grateful for those that are
walking my road next to me...

I've written about S, K, and D before (you can read about them here.)  I've also written about JC, MJ, and E (and you can read about them here.)  And bear with me, cause I'm going to do a bit of repeating here...

E is my rock and the reason I am still here today.  The longer I work with MJ, the more inspired I become by her.  MJ and E are my motivation, my inspiration, and my surrogate parents.  I would not be here without them.  I don't even know if they realize it, but it's less about what they say that inspires me, and more about who they are and how they carry themselves.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say."  Both of these women carry themselves in a way that matches their words, that matches their teachings..... that draws me into their warmth and positivity, that motivates me to continue the journey..... that carries me on my dark days..... They inspire me to move forward in life, no matter how challenging things are.  And I can move forward, cause I know they are with me, even when I'm not with them.

Week 31: Smile!

What makes me smile.... Not a whole heck of a lot these days.  Which you may think is unusual cause it is summer, and summer is supposed to be full of fun and care-free days.  So as to avoid a major downer of a post, here are a few things that I hope make you smile.

AND, since laughter usually means you're smiling, take a peak at 

this post on laughter, I promise it will make you smile if you haven't already!