Week 16: Giving

I actually quite love to give - give time, gifts, talents, lessons, ideas, whatever I can give to make others smile.  There are so many quotes out there by wise philosophers that preach the importance of giving, and remind us that what we get out will come back to us.  Heck, there are songs written about this very topic!  So many people in the world "get" the message.  But do we follow it?

I've always been a giving person (unless you ask my family.)  Over the last seven or so years, I've become even more conscious of what I put out into the world.  I try to be a kind, giving person, that people can like.  I made the choice to give of myself selflessly.  I've spent countless hours helping colleagues and peers, friends and family, with everything from house chores to parties to technology to organizing to shopping - you name it.  And I've done so, most of the time, without complaint.  Would that be considered "good enough" giving to get good back?

No.  Why?  Because I gave everything I had, without boundaries.  While that *is* giving, it also trained people to take advantage of me.  People know that I never say no (unless you're my immediate family.)  People know I'll help them with just about anything at the drop of a hat.  This type of giving, that I lived for so long, taught people to take advantage of me.

It absolutely put good into the world, lots of it.  I made lots of people happy with my choice to limitlessly give.  But I wasn't feeling any of the "good" anymore.  I knew people were taking advantage of me, but I didn't want them to not like me, so I couldn't say no.  So things started feeling really bad inside.  Despite that, I continued to give.

Enter my incredible therapist.

The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein

It is through my work with her that I have learned how to truly give.  Yes, I was giving before.  Yes, I was giving without expectation of return.  But I was doing so in a way that taught people there was no reason to give back to me at all.  I taught people that they could happily take from me what they wanted, and leave me with little.  So my therapist taught me to set boundaries.  She taught me how saying no doesn't have to be the painful experience I once thought it was.  She helped me see that when I give of myself without giving up on myself, then, and only then, does giving feel light and freeing.

While I continue to give of myself to others, I now save some of me to give to me.  Not easy.  Worth it.

Act 23

Do you remember, when you were a kid, and you'd see a row of newspaper boxes?  You'd run over and check all the change receptacle to see if anyone left their change?

Do you remember doing the same thing at vending machines?  Only you'd check both the change receptacle AND the drop area to see if anyone forgot to grab their goodies?

You might not have done that, but I did.  Hit the jackpot once, too, when I found like $3.00 in quarters in a row of newspaper boxes.  It was awesome!

For this 23rd act, I decided to give someone a smile, the kind that lit me up when I found that jackpot of quarters.  I went to the first vending machine I found, slid my dollar in, and entered the numbers for peanut m&ms (my favorite!)  And then I left them sitting there.  In the bottom of the drop area.  Waiting for the next person to come along and smile as they find their freebie.

And this act is for the teacher that really made me look at my classroom differently that Monday when I returned to school.  27 year old Victoria Soto hid her students in closets and cabinets to save their lives, in exchange for her own.  When I walked back into my classroom that Monday morning, I looked for where I could do the same if need be, where I could hide a student or two or 24.

Victoria was working her dream job as a teacher, and loved her students in room 10.  She was also working toward her Master's Degree in special education.  Outside of teaching she enjoyed being with her family, and was active in her church.  Another life cut short, she will be remembered as a hero, one who did something no education class could ever prepare you to do.

Week 36: Most Meaningful Gift I've Given

This topic had me stumped for a while, hence the hiatus on this particular blog challenge.  Ironic, too, as I posed this topic for conversation.

It's hard for me to gauge what the most meaningful gift I've given is, because I am not the receiver of the gift, and I will never fully know what the receiver thinks.  That said... there are a few gifts that were meaningful for me to gift, and I hope they were equally as meaningful for the receiver.

One of the gifts I gave was a quilt.  This was a very special quilt, as I had spent months working on it.  It was a photo quilt with pictures of the family.  No, this wasn't my family, it was a friend's family that had become very close to me.  I was nannying for them for a summer, but I've known them for a long time. In fact, the mother of this family is someone that I've written about before, as one S is an inspirational person in my life.  Though we don't see each other or talk as often as we did, S will always be special to me.

This quilt was extremely special to me, because upon graduating from high school, S gave me a blanket.  Said blanket has been on my bed ever since it was gifted to me, and it has very special meaning, as it is like being wrapped in a hug with all her good wishes for me.  So for me to be able to gift her and her family a blanket filled with photos of the family, making it was very special to me, and I know receiving it was very special to them.

The other gift that comes to mind is one with a slightly different story.  A person I work with, who was very helpful to me as I transitioned into my current position, was telling me about her favorite book as a child.  Knowing this, and with my affinity to books (ok, my addiction to book collecting) I was able to track down a copy of said book.  While the cost of this book was next to nothing, the value was priceless, as was the look on her face when she opened it.

Dunno.  I can only hope they appreciated the meaning behind their gifts as much as I did.....

Comfort Zone

I am a person who loves routine and stability.  Which is why when I was asked to step out of my comfort zone, and do something that I'd rather not do, I panicked.

A few weeks ago I, was encouraged to start volunteering.  I mean, why not?  Anne Frank said "no one ever became poor by giving."  She may have meant that in financial terms, but I think it also applies to time.  I do have time to give, so why not give some?

Because I am afraid.  That's why.  Because I am afraid to commit doing something that I might not be able to handle.  How do I know I won't be able to handle it?  I don't.  And I won't, unless I try.  No matter how scared I am, I have to try.

So this afternoon I finally took a chance and emailed an organization I am interested in volunteering for.  According to their website, they require a minimum commitment of one hour a week.  I think I can handle that.  At least, I hope I can.  Volunteering is something that would help me in so many ways, especially volunteering for an organization like the one I chose to contact. Now that the ball is in motion, I'm in that information gathering stage, where I need to know as much as possible, so I can find a bit of a life preserver as I head out of my comfort zone and into the zone where the magic happens.

Here's hoping for some magic.....

Week 16: Giving

I consider myself a very giving person.  Or at least I've been told I'm a very giving person.  All I know is I much rather prefer to give than to receive.  I'm not good at receiving.  Unless, of course, it's criticism!

One of my favorite things to do is surprise someone with a gift - whether it's a small token from the dollar store that made me think of them, or it's a homemade batch of their favorite cookies, or if it's a regular old store bought gift.  Sometimes a simple compliment lights up peoples faces.  I love bringing smiles to other people.

The balance, I believe, comes in the motive.  If my motive for giving is to make someone smile, great.  If my motive for giving is to make myself stand out so I am more special, not so great.  If my motive for not wanting people to give to me is because I already have all that I need, great.  If my motive for not wanting people to give to me is because I feel unworthy, not so great.

I have been reminded, quite a few times, actually, that the good feeling I get from giving, comes from the giving itself.  Which means, if I want other people to be able to feel that same good feeling.... well.... I have to let people give to me, too.  I hate that logic, but it does make sense.  If only being on the receiving end wasn't so darn uncomfortable!