NEDA Week: Where I Stand

This is a new resource to me.  I found it..... I don't even know how I found it, but I wanted to share it with you, as their Purple Project is a powerful piece of Eating Disorder Awareness Month.  They have easy to follow, simple to read resources outlining the different types of eating disorders, as well as links to many, many resources (some of which I've already shared.)

I think my favorite part of this resource, though, is their "I wear purple" campaign.  It's quite inspiring, if you ask me!

Week 1: What is Beauty?

My view on beauty has changed.  A lot.
Didn't realize it before, but society defined beauty for me.
And I accepted society's definition without question.
Never liked the definition.
But I accepted it nonetheless.

I'm still not sure what beauty is.
But I do know it is NOT the models of today.
Sickly skinny.  Bones jutting out.  Never smiling.
It's much closer to the days of Marilyn Monroe.
Did you know she was a size 12?
Or that she had an IQ of 168?
Or that she loved to cook?

Not that I'm a "Marilyn" or anything,
But she sure knew how to rock the curves.
And boy.... was she beautiful in her day.
I think she's pretty beautiful by today's standards,
too.

Challenge 7, Part 6: Beauty

For my final post in the Beauty week, I'm going to pull together a few old posts on the topic, and intersperse a few new quotes too.  I hope that when I revisit these posts, I'll be able to look back and believe they apply to me... believe that beauty does describe me, not just inside, but outside, too.  Thank goodness there is no time limit on inner work... cause it is going to take a long time to get there, but my team is pretty positive I'll make it... and they haven't been wrong yet!

Anyway... here are some past ponderings on the topic...

October 2011: What is Beauty?

March 2012: The B Word

April 2012: Beauty

June 2012: Soul    Face

August 2012: Health & Beauty

I like this quote in the topic of beauty, because I think we tend to close our eyes to what we really see, and stop looking for the beauty because we are so sure we won't find it within ourselves.  But as this quote says, when we look carefully.... those secrets that are hidden everywhere?  Chances are pretty good that they'll reveal the true beauty in which you didn't even realize you were looking for....

I really like this quote by Thoreau... because again, it is so true!  We can choose to see things however we'd like - meaning, if I am in a good mood, I tend to notice positive qualities- kindness, beauty, grace.... But if I'm crabby?  I see ugly, heartless negativity.  So look at this picture?  What do you see?  The beautiful sunset?  Pine trees glowing from the backlight of the clouds?  The telephone poles off in the distance that allow communication to happen so effortlessly?  Or do you see the stop sign?  What else can you see?  Do you see the beauty?

Challenge 7, Part 5: Beauty

I don't know about you, but there are sooooo many quotes out there swirling around the subject of beauty.  This one struck me because it mentions nothing of appearance or accomplishment.  Instead, it emphasizes that beauty is who we are when we are at our best.  Which means we can ALL be beautiful, despite what we might think, or what a number might say.  If we are working to be the best version of ourselves, and that radiates from the inside out.... well then, we are beautiful.  You, my beautiful reader, are being the best version of you, and that is true beauty.

Challenge 7, Part 4: Beauty

I think this one is pretty self explanatory.  Or at least I hope it is.  It's one of the few quotes I understand fully.  How I feel about myself is not supposed to be based on what I see.  What I see should not determine how I feel.  Right?  Right.

Have you heard the acronym for fear? FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.  I bring that up because when I look in the mirror, it seems that FEAR gets in the way.  FEAR seems to drive my image of myself.  I live in my own little reality, which I am frequently reminded isn't all that logical at times!  My perception of myself is absolutely false, according to my team.  While we might agree to disagree on that point.... well.... this quote is something I do agree with.

Challenge 7, Part 3: Beauty

I think this quote kind of speaks for itself.  I am sure we all know people who just have that *something* that you can't quite put your finger on.  They are beautiful people, inside and out.  Keeping in mind that no one is perfect, and we all have our shadow sides and our dark moments, of course... but we all have the potential to be beautiful, if not to ourselves, then to someone else, who thinks that we are beautiful just by being who we are.

Challenge 7, Part 2: Beauty

I love this quote, because it so succinctly speaks the truth: we've as a society have given so much power to the media, that we're not comfortable with what we see in the mirror unless it's what the media portrays.  At least, I know I'm not.  I loathe the skin I'm in for all of the pain it's caused me.  I'm working on improving my self image, and one day hope I can use the word beautiful when referring to myself.

It's one thing to have outer beauty, but to have that inner beauty is where I think the true comfort comes from.  I know that we all look around and judge others on their appearances, but we don't know their story, we don't know what they've been through, and they might be just as self conscious as we are, they might not like the person under the make up and clothing, either.  Inner beauty?  Comfortable in your own skin?  Definitely still my goal.

Challenge 7, Part 1: Beauty

Beauty... I feel like I've spent a good deal of time on this topic, and may end up repeating a quote or two here and there.  But to start, I think this quote is so incredibly powerful.  We all need to keep in mind that Beauty is not a single definition.  It is really not definable, because every individual has their own idea of beauty.  The media has placed their spin on what "socially acceptable beauty" is, but the reality of it is that less than 8% of the population fit the media's definition.  I don't know about you, but I'm working on my own way to define beauty.  And size has no place in my definition.

Challenge 5, Part 3: Health & Beauty

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen. 
--Elizabeth Kubler Ross

<--- This is healthy self esteem.  Healthy self esteem can be very helpful on the quest for overall health!

We are --->

all beautiful, it just depends on what we see when we look in the mirror whether we believe it or not.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; 

for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; 

and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. 

-- Audrey Hepburn

When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy.  This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small.  My judgement called it disloyal.  Now I see it as self-loving.

-- Kim McMillen

  

Week 19: Favorite Time of Year

My favorite time of year has got to be Fall... or maybe Spring.... that's a tough one.  I'm going to do what I tell my students never to do - I'm not going to pick just one answer.  I'm just glad I live in a place where we have four distinct seasons, each with their own gifts.

Autumn 2011

I love fall, or autumn, depending on your word choice.  I love the crispness in the air, how the world smells just a little different, at least where Iive.  You can smell the leaves changing color as much as you enjoy the beauty of them.  The cider mills open, and there is nothing like fresh pressed, unpasteurized, apple cider.  Caramel apples, spiced cider, pumpkin pie... all delicious gifts of fall.  Usually the weather is pretty cooperative, too.  Just right for capris and long sleeves with a comfy vest.  Still warm enough to be out without a jacket, but not so warm that you're sweating your socks off.  There is something special about the crunch of fallen leaves on a peaceful walk in the fall.  It truly is my favorite season to wander the world.

Spring 2012

Now, I also enjoy spring.  Spring is the season of renewal, of hope, of new growth.  I love watching the apple blossoms burst through the buds on the branches of the trees in my yard.  I like seeing the flowers peeking out from the earth, stretching their way toward the cloudless blue sky.  Peeling off the layers of winter gear, it feels so nice to be outside without the heaviness of a jacket and hat and scarf.  Fresh fruits fill the fridge to top my breakfast cereal and snack on.  The spring walks lend themselves to pictures of baby animals scurrying about to explore their new world.  The air smells fresh and clean after the chill of winter.  Everything gets to start fresh in the spring.

This is one of those times where I'd definitely not get a passing grade on my paper, since I was asked to choose my favorite time of year.  I'd likely get good marks for creativity and word choice, but for following the directions?  This time I'll just have to accept the low score!

Arielle's Word of the Day: FACE

June Blog Challenge Day 24: FACE

I wrote a poem a little over a year ago called Who do you see? that was all about what I believe others see in my face verses what I see.  At that point, I was still in denial that food was any part of my problems and was in a pretty painful place at the time.  I've been surprised at how many times poems have appeared in my journal.  They seem to flow on their own accord.  What I see on the screen when I pause has often been startling, if only because it's brutally honest.  I'd like to say that the pain behind this poem is no longer there, but that wouldn't be honest.  I planned to share it in this post, and have it saved separately, in case I change my mind, but for now, I am just not ready to let other eyes linger over the words.

Instead, here is an image that I think fits rather well.  I tend to view my body, especially my face, with very skewed perception.  Of my whole body, my face is what I like the least. After 30 some years on this planet, you'd think I'd be used to the reflection in the mirror by now!  Every once in a while, a special occasion comes along and I actually get hair and makeup done.  When that happens, and I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the person staring back at me.  That person is pretty.  That person fits in with society's expectations of what women should look like.  My every day face?  It just takes too much work to make it look socially acceptable.  And sometimes I'd rather just stay home than make the effort to get ready to be seen in public.

I really do hope that one day, I can see myself as others do.

Prompt: Just as we all have soul, we all have a face. What do you see when you look into your own eyes? Or maybe the word “face” conjures up a visual of another who has been kind to you, or mean to you. Let your mind go free and let the word “face” tell you what to share today.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: SOUL

June Blog Challenge Day 23: SOUL

I am at a loss of words when it comes to the word for today.  Looking into the depths of my soul is not something I am able to do yet.  Instead, I'm borrowing the words of others.  Each of the quotes speak to me, to my soul, so while they aren't my words, they are filling in for the time being.

Thank you to the great minds who originally spoke these words.  In doing so, you shared a little bit of your soul, and inspired mine.

Prompt: We all have a soul. Sometimes it can be hard to reach. Sometimes our soul is what keeps us grounded.  Sometimes it’s what keeps us afraid. Sometimes we can’t find it. Talk about your soul.

Beauty

I found this quote this afternoon and it sent me into a rather complex thought spiral.  Not the place I want to be spending my time right now.

So, if it doesn't matter what I see in the mirror... how do I change what I see inside?  Cause my inside isn't all that attractive either.  In fact, sometimes I think that my outsides match my insides, and my insides need a complete makeover.  Like, tear everything apart and start from square one.

Beauty.  Guess I have a really, really, really long way to go.

The B word...

An article came across my twitter feed today that has me thinking.  A lot.  And not about stuff I wanted to think about.... About stuff I've been trying really, really hard to avoid thinking about.

Body Image.

I'm not a fan of my body.  I know I don't "fit in" with how society thinks I should look.  I did... until I was about 9 years old.  Then puberty hit.  It hit me hard.  And I've been hard on myself ever since.

I know I should just accept my body as it is and move on, but I can't.  I'm sure there are millions of people that deal with what I deal with, and I truly don't know how they do it.  I just know that I don't do it well.  At all.
 
I'm rather tired of living in this body. I know I shouldn't be.  Instead, I should be grateful that I have a body that works, despite a few hiccups.  I have legs and feet that will carry me wherever I want.  I have clear vision (as long as my glasses are on) and good hearing and I can smell chocolate chip cookies baking a block away.  I can talk.  I can read.  I can draw.  I can type.  I can think.  I can breathe.  I can teach.  I can make people smile.  I can make people laugh.  I can be a good listener.  I can make magic happen on computers... I can do all sorts of things, actually.

Why can't I be grateful for that?  I mean, I have sooooo many good things going for me... Why do I let this "image" issue create such chaos for me?  It makes everything hard.  I seem to be the only person that has a problem with the way I look, too.  No one ever says anything to me, but.... they don't need to.  I say it to myself.

Here's a link to the article... the title itself says a lot: Stop Fighting Against Yourself and Start Fighting for Yourself

Week 1: What Is Beauty?

Beauty.... I'm not sure I have my own definition, yet, so I dug up a few quotes to help me explore the topic...

Winter Sky January 2011

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.  
-- Anne Roiphe

Morning Dew July 2009

Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.  
-- Aldous Huxley

SnowDrops December 2010

Because beauty isn't enough, there must be something more.  
-- Eva Herzigova

Trumpet July 2009

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it. 
-- Confucius

Sunset July 2011

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. 
-- Kahlil Gibran

Inner Beauty July 2009

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical. 
--Sophia Loren

And one of my personal favorites...

Sunrise October 2011

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. 
--Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Pink in the Pool August 2009

I struggle with finding beauty in myself, but can easily find beauty in those and the world around me.

New Year's Day Sunset January 2011

New Years Sunshine January 2011

If they say

that what we recognize in others

is something

we have in ourselves, 

maybe 

there is still hope 

for me to find 

beauty within, 

since it is so easy 

to find it elsewhere...

© October 2011 MGD