Truth vs Lie

This is a truth I wish I believed.

I know it's true.  I know that every person on earth has value, just because of who they are.  Some people may appear not to have value, such as those that are cruel and unkind.  However, sometimes it is exactly that kind of person that can teach us pretty important life lessons.  We learn so much from the good people in our worlds, and we also learn from those who are not-so-good in our world.  I prefer the lessons from kind souls, though sometimes I learn the most from the unkind ones.........

Right now, I am struggling greatly with this truth.  I feel that the only value I have is through my job.  The only people I am of value to are my students and their families.  The only reason people are kind to me is because they need my assistance.  

These are the truths I believe to be true.

Even though I know they're lies.  All of them.  Nothing but twisted self-perception and lies.

Truth?  I am valuable just because I am here and I am me.  Truth.

It hurts, though it shouldn't.  

The truth can hurt, yet, somehow I think this truth should feel rather good, or at least neutral.

I am valuable just because I am here and I am me.

People like me because of who I am, not what I do for them.

My students and their families like me because I am me, and I happen to be a good teacher.

My friends like me because I am me, not because of what I do for them.

I am valuable just because I am here and I am me.

I wonder how many times I'll have to type that before it truly becomes my inner truth.

Keep on Keepin On...

I've had a very rough go of it the last few months, and I've played it off to be nothing that I can't handle.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  But the truth is, I've just been back in that place called denial.  And I forgot my paddles.

Time to come clean.  To admit that I'm struggling.  A lot.  To admit that yesterday's intake was a one time thing would be a lie.  Seems I've given myself permission to have one extremely low day nearly every week for the last two months, and I've brushed it off as no big deal.

Truth is, I do hope it's no big deal.  I do not want to fall into a full blown relapse, throwing away the months of hard work that I've done and that my team's done.  I've been stable for just over six months.  I don't want to throw it all away.

Serendipitously, a few resources passed through my twitter feed just this morning, that were so fitting for where I am right now, I wanted to share them.  Maybe they'll help someone else the way they helped me.

The first article has been floating around Facebook for a few days but I just stumbled upon it today.  So You're Feeling Too Fat To Be Photographed is a must read. So helpful as today I'm putting together a video of teaching clips for an assignment, and am not thrilled with what I see on screen. 

The second article, Beautiful Feathers reminded me that as I avoid letting my true talents show, as I try to hide from those that are unkind to me, the reality is that I'm hurting myself, not those who are trying to hurt me.  Leaning in, asking for help, and shining as brightly as you can... this is a post I'll be revisiting frequently.

Finally, and most serendipitous, is a post on the blog Thick Dumpling Skin entitled Relapse which I read this morning, shortly after reading an email from my nutritionist.  "So yesterday I struggled.  Today I move on.  Tomorrow, who knows.  I can’t promise to be perfect, but I promise to always be honest."  Lynn put into words a reminder that I most definitely needed to hear.

Challenge 7, Part 2: Beauty

I love this quote, because it so succinctly speaks the truth: we've as a society have given so much power to the media, that we're not comfortable with what we see in the mirror unless it's what the media portrays.  At least, I know I'm not.  I loathe the skin I'm in for all of the pain it's caused me.  I'm working on improving my self image, and one day hope I can use the word beautiful when referring to myself.

It's one thing to have outer beauty, but to have that inner beauty is where I think the true comfort comes from.  I know that we all look around and judge others on their appearances, but we don't know their story, we don't know what they've been through, and they might be just as self conscious as we are, they might not like the person under the make up and clothing, either.  Inner beauty?  Comfortable in your own skin?  Definitely still my goal.

Reality

Truth

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: HONESTY

June Blog Challenge Day 7: HONESTY

Would I lie?
Could I lie?
Can't.
Won't.
It's way too easy
to read me
like a book.

Would I lie?
Could I lie?
I don't think so.
It wouldn't be right.
Won't help at all
or make anything
better.

Would I lie?
Could I lie?
Hope not.
Shouldn't.
It'd hurt.
It'd be pretty
stupid.

Would I lie?
Could I lie?
I did.
To a fairly
important
person.
To me.

Would I lie?
Could I lie?
Didn't want to.
He made me.
They said
it would only
hurt me.

They were right.

© June 2012 © MGD

Prompt: Tell a story, sort your thoughts, do what feels right when you think of this word. Talk about honesty in regards to yourself or to a person from your past or present. Maybe a  quote seems more fitting today. Be honest with it. ;)