Three..... ish

Three year blogg-a-versary.  Sorta.  Cause I kinda skipped 2 months.  I mean, during those months I wrote blogs, I just never published them.  Maybe I will.  Maybe I'll pre-date them so they show up in the chronological order they were meant to be in.  Maybe not. 

But for now.....

I can't believe it's been three years!  Seriously!  I didn't think I'd have it in me to do this blog thing this long, but you know what?  It's been such a powerful experience, that I now have one for my teaching, too!  That one isn't as busy as this one, cause, well, teachers are busy people and don't always have time to write or read outside of the classroom, but you know.....

I love My Purple Dreams.  I love the name.  I love that I get to be myself here.  I love that my words inspire others (even if they don't inspire me.)  I love that when I look back on where I was, MPD shows me how much progress I've made, even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Three years.  Three long winded years.  Now...... who's up for three more?

Week 48: Celebrate!

I didn't really think that I'd have much worth celebrating.  My life just isn't that exciting.

However.  When I sat down and thought about it..... and started digging deep..... shocking (or not!) I found a celebration right in front of my face!  It wasn't in existence even a month ago, but now, as I sit here and type this, it is definitely worth celebrating!

Every summer my goal has been to work on my house.  To finish the kitchen.  To redo the bedroom.  To decorate.  To do something to make my house a home.  Well my friends, this summer, not only did I set the same goal, but I'm in process of actually accomplishing it!

Project one was simple, to make my mirror look a little nicer.  $25 later and two hours later, project one was complete, and made such a difference in the bathroom!  I still hate looking in the mirror, but now I can't help but look at the mirror!

Project two involved a not-so little box that has been sitting in the corner of my dining room for over four years.  I am proud to say it is no longer sitting in the dining room.  As a matter of fact, the box is no where to be seen anymore.  Instead, my kitchen is a bit happier!

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 3

3. Give yourself credit for the progress you’ve made - what are some positive steps you’ve taken in recovery, or recent progress that you’ve made?

Well, I actually am not one to take time to acknowledge any progress, so this is actually a great question for me to ponder.

I know that I've come quite a long way in my meal planning and consuming.  My dietitian first helped me see why I needed so many calories into my body each day.  From there, we slowly increased my intake to a level that was only slightly out of my comfort zone, and stabilized my weight at the same time.  The final hurdle in the eating department came in the form of variety.  I have so many food allergies, that finding a variety of safe foods has been a challenge.  She hasn't given up on me, though, even when I have.  And last time we met, after going over my records for the week, it was the first week where my meal plan looked "normal" and boy was she excited!

I know I've stabilized my intake and weight.  I know I'm increasing my variety.  I know that I'm really committed to recovery, even though it is so stinking hard still.  I know that I've been able to rebound more quickly from relapse-esque days.  And I know that my team is going to be there for me to remind me to celebrate the little successes, as well as the big ones.

A Foodie Post

It's no secret that food and I don't get along. With the plethora of allergies I have to deal with, it's no wonder cereal is my favorite meal - it's easy, it doesn't leave me covered in hives, and it doesn't wreak havoc on my digestive system.

Thankfully, my nutritionist has the patience of a saint and she's always looking for creative ways for me to expand my palate. Right now, we're working on increasing my daily intake of vegetables, and last week, she shared this great idea - creating veggie boxes.  What you do is prep and pack ahead of time, so that you have these little boxes, full of veggies, ready to grab and toss in a lunch bag, briefcase, whatever!

For me, the big task is getting things prepped and packed each day, so considering I can pack this up for the whole week? I'm giving it a try.  I bought my three favorite vegetables - sweet peppers, cucumbers, and broccoli. I washed em and chopped them and packed them all up!

I gave it a try last week, and surprisingly, I ended up eating all my veggies!  So far this week, I'm two for two in the veggie jar department. Tonight, I packed four days worth of veggie jars... wish me luck!

Looking Back....

I don't know if it's the season, or what, but today I journeyed back in time.... I found myself visiting blog posts from a year ago, and I think I'm pleased by what I've found?  Maybe?  Sorta?

A year ago today, I posted "Got Feelings?" on the blog.  The post was mostly about the fact that at that time, I was constantly fighting tears, and getting kind of sick of them!  The quote "I hate the moment when suddenly my anger turns into tears." was incredibly fitting at the time, because a year ago, I was still refusing to feel any anger.  I just couldn't let myself feel that emotion.  I thought I'd burst and be overwhelmed if I let myself feel anger.

Fast forward to the present moment.... yeah, I'm still battling tears, and I'm still pretty depressed.... BUT.... I have begun the process of learning to FEEL my FEELINGS.  All of them.  Yep.... even anger.  I still am working to identify some of these feelings, and the things that trigger them, but the good news is that I am actually able to feel them without exploding!  I think that's a pretty good accomplishment!

Still working on a lot, still dealing with a lot of the same crud, but at a different layer.  It's kinda like I'm reading and writing the next chapter all at the same time.  I'm rather glad that I chose to do a look back today, because I tend to focus on how much more work I have ahead of me instead of pausing and realizing that I really have come a long way!

Choice or Challenge?

The past two and a half days, I have been with out power.  Without power means no fans or AC on 100+ degree days.  (Yes, multiple days.)  Just so happens that I had stocked my fridge and freezer on Tuesday, with good choices to help me meet my daily goal.... only to have the power go out on Wednesday at four am.  Because of my food allergies, stocking my fridge costs a lot more than you'd think. 

And today, I had to throw 90% of it away.  Which really frustrated me.  For as much as I don't like food, I hate wasting it even more.

The way I see it, there are two perspectives I could take on the experience: 

I could look at it as a challenge - the chance to see how strong I am in my recovery and how well I can roll with this unexpected and very unwelcome challenge.  I could show my team how much progress I've made.

I could look at it as a choice - I am faced with a decision, do I choose to use this as an excuse to slip backward?  Or do I choose to use this as a chance to see how strong I've become?

I would really love it if I could wholeheartedly jump up and down, yelling gleefully "I did it!  I made it!  I successfully passed this challenge!"

Except that would be dishonest.

I can't completely berate myself either- I wasn't a 100% failure.  I didn't completely give in to my old habits.  I didn't let this become a full-on race backward down the path of regression.

Instead, this was a learning experience.  I learned how reliant I am on technology.  And while I didn't make my daily goals like I am supposed to, I didn't completely throw the days away, either.  I landed somewhere in the ballpark (albeit way in the outfield) of where I should be on an average-low day.

I learned that I am not strong enough to be unsupported through this type of challenging situation.  I learned that I am strong enough to not completely give in to old urges.  I learned that I've made some progress, but I still have a ways to go.

And somehow, through it all?  I managed not to melt!