Right now, the only feelings I know are (in alphabetical order) - angry, annoyed, frustrated, happy, hurt, sad, scared. All of them evoke the same reaction. Tears. When I'm happy, I cry. When I'm scared, I cry. When I'm annoyed, I cry. When I'm angry, I cry. I think you get the picture. If tears mean your eyes are clean? I have the cleanest eyes around. Yes, lately I cry a lot. And no, I don't enjoy it.
I actually don't like crying. I have been conditioned to see crying as a bad thing. Which is so bizarre, because crying is a perfectly natural reaction to so many things in life - good or bad. When one of my students comes up to me in tears, my first response is to make sure they aren't physically hurt and require immediate first aid. Once that is determined, I do my best to comfort them, hand them a tissue or two, and try to figure out what brought on their tears so I can help with whatever it is they need.
|Even flowers cry...|
The good news is that I've been told it's never too late to learn how to deal with, how to feel your feelings. How to stop stuffing them down, ignoring them, hoping they'll go away... only to have them explode when you least expect them to, and often in the worst possible situation. Cause I've gotten really good at doing that - ignoring my feelings and stuffing them away, only to have them explode at a totally inappropriate time. Supposedly, if you deal with feelings as they arise, they don't explode. If you deal with feelings as they arise, they are more manageable. Huh. Imagine that. Feelings that are manageable? That are a natural part of daily life? That don't need to be a constant source of agony? Where can I sign up for that class again?
"You can close your eyes to the things you do not
want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the
things you do not want to feel." -- unknown