Thursday, October 23, 2014

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2


Day 347 - Thursday 10/23/14 - I am thankful for my therapist.  Always.

Day 346 - Wednesday 10/22/14 - Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm kinda glad I can identify my emotions now, instead of just heap them all into the "melancholy" category.  Today's feeling?  Disgust.

Day 345 - Tuesday 10/21/14 - The Pup is back to normal, thankfully, and the whole ordeal can be put behind us now.

Day 344 - Monday 10/20/14 - SO happy the Pup is home after an overnight visit with the emergency vet!

Day 343 - Sunday 10/19/14 - Thankful for the bonus time with my niece today.  She slept in my arms for over an hour and it was heaven!

Day 342 - Saturday 10/18/14 - Loved being a part of such a positive educational movement!  Had a blast with 100+ colleagues today!

Day 341 - Friday 10/17/14 - Thankful the week is over.  It was a painfully, stressfully long one.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

All About WHAT Bass?

So there's the song that's been stuck in my head for a while.  Not the greatest of earworms, but not the worst.  A part of me really likes the song, as there is a great message in it.  Yet.... another part of me doesn't like it.  There's something just not right about it.

The first time I heard it on the radio, I skipped over it, only to come back to it when nothing good was on the other stations.  There was (and is) something catchy about the tune.  The line that caught me was this:

"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."

I don't know about you, but that is a reminder I need to hear every hour on the hour, and on the quarter hour when I'm in a bad place.  Another less powerful, but equally powerful (I know, I'm oxymoronic today) line says "my mamma she told me don't worry about your size."  Another truth.  Another thing I need to be reminded of.  All good so far, right?

And yet...... maybe you need to watch the video (though it may be a little offensive in places?  Or not?  I like the throw back to the 50's-ish-era.) and see what you think.  There's just something about the fact that "boys like a little more booty to hold at night," and "I ain't no size two but I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do, Cause I got that boom boom in that all the boys chase, all the right junk in all the right places."

I don't know about you, but something just doesn't sit well with me there.  Does that mean I turn the song off when I hear it on the radio?  Nope.  I even sing along to this earworm.  Doesn't mean I love all of it, though.  Guess that's the black and white thinking my therapist always reminds me of - this song is a grey are for me.




Thursday, October 16, 2014

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2


Day 340 - Thursday 10/16/14 - Terrified yet beyond grateful that one other on this Earth now knows holds the words that have tortured me for decades.

Day 339 - Wednesday 10/15/14 - Grateful to come home to the Pup, who is always happy to see me, no matter what.

Day 338 - Tuesday 10/14/14 - Appreciate the (sort of) apology I got in a meeting today for a breakdown in communication on the admin's part.  It's nice to hear administrators apologize for their mistakes.  Nice to see that they are indeed human.

Day 337 - Monday 10/13/14 - Relieved that the parent meeting that kicked off my day went a lot smoother than I anticipated.

Day 336 - Sunday 10/12/14 - First. Day. Home.  In ages.  LOVED being able to spend the day in my pajamas, finally!

Day 335 - Saturday 10/11/14 - Glad to have time with my dietitian today.  The way my stomach, and my eating, have been, I needed her input and support.

Day 334 - Friday 10/10/14 - So happy to be able to provide some pretty awesome, outside the norm learning experiences.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Running

I run a lot even though I don't use my feet.
I realize that now.
I run when things are uncomfortable.
I run from change.
I run out of fear.
I run from sadness.
I run from anger.
I run from hurt and pain and discomfort.

And I run from my head.
My own thoughts.
And that's the hardest running of all.

Therapy.
In my mind, major disaster session,
though my therapist said all was fine.
The time to talk will come when the words are ready.
No time limits.
No pressure.

Except all of this pressure from me.

I tried to talk I really did try I came close too.
At one point I had wandered off into silence for a bit.
She asked if we were done for the day.
I couldn't answer in words,
but I did un-bury my face and uncurl myself from ball on the chair that I had become.

Then the tears came.
Lots of them.
So uncomfortable.
I tried.
The words were on my tongue but they couldn't escape.
It just wasn't happening, no matter how much I wanted to speak them.
I told Her I wish she had was a mind reader.
She laughed. Not that easy she said.

She's right.

Maybe next time.

I can't hold this secret for much longer.

Maybe next time........
Maybe next time.........




Thursday, October 2, 2014

Impressive? Or not?

Image courtesy of Sketches in Stillness.
So timely.  So, so, so timely.  The best part of the weather turning colder is that I get to bury my body in bulky sweaters that make me feel super cozy.  Even more, they make me feel like I can finally breathe again, after wearing a spring and summer wardrobe that makes me feel like I have to suck in my stomach.  Which I can't do.  Cause it's not that simple for me.  The health issues in my belly do make me look much more rotund than I actually am.  My belly embarrasses me regularly, even though there's really nothing I can do about it.

This quote up here?  If the world was blind, who would I impress?  I love it.  I wish the whole world read it.  Cause if we didn't have a society that is so judged by how you look, I think there would be a lot more peace in the world, and a lot less scrutiny.  Scrutiny can lead to scary stuff, and we don't need anything else to be scared of.

Monday, September 29, 2014

National Coffee Day

For all my coffee drinking friends out there..... Happy Coffee Day!
I wish I drank coffee, especially on days like these, where I know it's a very long day, and the easiest thing to find for a pick-me-up would be a cup o joe..... except I don't like it one bit.  However, I appreciate all those that do drink it, because while I can't stand the taste, I sure love the smell!

Image courtesy of Shirt Woot!

Image courtesy of Shirt Woot!