Thursday, April 16, 2015

Thankful Thursdays - Year 3


Day 149 - Thursday 4/16/15 -  Received some reassurance from an unexpected place today.  Needed that.

Day 148 - Wednesday 4/15/15 - Took the chance of a lifetime today.  Let the adventure begin......

Day 147 - Tuesday 4/14/15 - I.  Stood.  Up.  For.  Myself.  I spoke up and made sure that I was taking care to ensure I would come out ok in the end.  And it worked.

Day 146 - Monday 4/13/15 - Enjoyed the first day back after spring break - the class was in a fun mood and we actually got EVERYthing done on our agenda, which is rare!

Day 145 - Sunday 4/12/15 - Never realized how satisfying it is to see a drawer full of clean socks and another full of clean underwear.  Clean laundry accomplished!

Day 144 - Saturday 4/11/15 - Though this might sound strange, I'm really rediscovering my love of writing......

Day 143 - Friday 4/10/15 - Got caught up on my schoolwork that has been staring at me all week.  Feels good to be done and caught up!

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Luck

Luck.

I'm the kind of person who prefers to attribute all my successes to luck.  That takes the pressure off of me to actually accept being "good enough" for something good to happen to me.  One of these days I'll have to start owning up to the "good" the way I accept responsibility for the "not so good" in my world.

Luck.

I'm getting a do-over.  My therapist and I have talked about this possibility many times before, and the fact that it is actually happening is so surreal.  I know that getting this do over..... I've gotten quite lucky.  A chance like this doesn't come around all that often, if ever.  That's part of the appeal of this offer, the chance to take my professional experiences and start over in a new environment, where I will get to build the professional image that will be helpful, and feel good.   Not the one I currently live in, the one I created where colleagues don't need to respect me.

Make Your Own Luck
Luck.

I'm going to step up.   I'm going to show up.  I'm going to take this new opportunity and thank my lucky stars it appeared in my world.   And I'm going to attribute it all to

Luck.

This chance may be one of sheer luck.  But one day...  One day?   I will start making my own

Luck.


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Thankful Thursday - Year 3


Day 142 - Thursday 4/9/15 - Driving home from the peanut's tonight, the pup was on my lap looking up at me.  His little face makes me so smiley and thankful every single day.

Day 141 - Wednesday 4/8/15 - Enjoyed a delicious dinner and dialogue with a dear friend!

Day 140 - Tuesday 4/7/15 - I.  Pushed.  Through.  Made myself make a dinner I didn't want to, and while it took a while, I made myself eat it too.

Day 139 - Monday 4/6/15 - It always feels good talking to my therapist, especially now, as she reminded me today that I am worth advocating for.

Day 138 - Sunday 4/5/15 - Snuggling with the peanut always makes breathing a little easier.

Day 137 - Saturday 4/4/15 - I think I've found my sleep again.  Thank g-d.

Day 136 - Friday 4/3/15 - Had a great start to spring break - spent the day with my BFF and her family and enjoyed an awesome art museum that the kids really liked!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Unwavering Commitment

My dietitian has been using this phrase over the past few weeks, and when I finally sat down to google it yesterday, nothing.  So I decided that when I met with her today, I'd try my hardest not to sidetrack the conversation, and actually learn about this concept of unwavering commitment.

I'll be honest.  It was what I hoped it wouldn't be.

unwavering commitmentverb; to persist in meeting a goal or completing a task no matter what obstacles may arise in the process --
ex. Julie had an unwavering commitment to her health, and always fit in her workouts each and every week, no matter how hectic her schedule.

I could make a joke here, and ask where I can get a bottle of this unwavering commitment she speaks of, but yeah.  This isn't anything to joke about.  This is, finally, something that deserves my attention.

What is this going to look like for me?
1.  Put myself first.  How?  Get enough protein.  Get enough veggies, fiber, water.  Every.  Single.  Day.
2.  Acknowledge my anxiety, but don't allow it to dictate my food choices anymore.  Even if I feel like I can't eat whatever it is I know I "should" eat, even if my anxiety is screaming at me to stop eating that "thing", whatever it may be, I must push through anyway.  What's the worst that will happen?  I get sick?  That isn't the end of the world.
3.  Respect myself.  Scary as $%&#, but if I don't speak up for myself, tell people that the way they're treating me isn't ok, then who will?  No one.  That's who.

There's more.  There's lots more.  But this is a start for me.  I'm hoping to reach the place where when I crawl into bed, I can say "I am proud of my commitment to me today."  It is gonna take a while, but I will get there.  If she thinks I can, then I will.

(Hopefully my dietitian will blog about unwavering commitment.  I'll link it if she does!)


Saturday, April 4, 2015

Too Cool? Too Weird?

I saw this quote the other day and SO me.

Maybe a week ago, I would have glanced at it, thought, "boy does that sound like me," and moved on.

This week, though?  No such luck.

The other day I was asked a question that I really did not want to answer.  So I gave a generic but true response, and tried (successfully) to switch subjects.

The question was something along the lines of "why don't you think you would be able to make more friends?"

And this, my friends, is the answer.  This quote sums it all up.

I don't know if it would be so bad if I weren't one of those "quirky" people who sorta-maybe-kinda would like to be friends with the "cool" crew.  It wouldn't be as bad if the so-called "cool" people at work weren't so UGH to me.  They seek me out for support, and then mock me behind my back.  That is not cool.

Since I learned that, though, I no longer aim to be friends with any of them.  I remain ever the professional, and give them little to no thought.

Thing is.  The.  Thing.  Is.
I'm heading into a whole new group of colleagues.  And the ones I've met so far?  They are awesome, and so the "cool" crew that I really want to befriend.  I think they'd be nice people to hang out with.

But I'm.  Too.  Quirky.  AndI'mAfraidTheyWon'tLikeMeWhenTheyGetToKnowMe.

Right now they really like me.  They're really looking forward to me working with them.  And I'm SUPER excited to be working with them.  But again....
I'mAfraidTheyWon'tLikeMeWhenTheyGetToKnowMe.

I know change is scary.
I know change is good.
But is it possible to change from the too weird for cool or too cool for weird?
Is it possible to be the "quirky" me that I am, and have people like me anyway?

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Thankful Thursday - Year 3


Day 135 - Thursday 4/2/15 - I am grateful that today begins a week off of school.  It is much needed for my students, and, well, for everyone at school!

Day 134 - Wednesday 4/1/15 - I don't know if I want to wake up from today.  It is a day I'll remember for as long as I live.  Cause a new chapter is about to begin......

Day 133 - Tuesday 3/31/15 - Thankful for the support I have in my world.  Thankful for the opportunity to experience such beauty today.

Day 132 - Monday 3/30/15 - Above and beyond - so grateful for a special trip to the store with my awesome dietitian.  Time to start embracing clothes that actually embrace me.

Day 131 - Sunday 3/29/15 - Very rough day today.  Grateful for Xanax, as it really made breathing a possibility on a day when I couldn't take a deep breath.

Day 130 - Saturday 3/28/15 - I missed the peanut.  There is nothing like snuggling before bed.

Day 129 - Friday 3/27/15 - Fantastic day today - from our classroom visitor this morning to an entertaining evening of student showcases.  All around fun!