Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Outside In - Take 2

Had to post this comic I just found.  
SO what goes through my head every single time I am out in public.  Every.  Single.  Time.
Good to know I'm not alone?

Monday, March 2, 2015

From the Outside In

Have you ever gone window shopping?  I find it to be especially fun during the holiday season, when all the displays are lit up and full of magic and sparkle.  Now, with the internet, it's even easier to "window" shop from anywhere in the world - including, well, including places that one wouldn't generally think of as a place to shop.

Have you ever thought about window shopping as an "inside" job?  Let me explain.  I've always been a people watcher.  Always.  I'm intrigued by how people interact in the world, especially since that's an area of struggle for me (social interaction, that is.)  Even more, though, is the fact that I am constantly "window shopping" styles and such.

See, I'm not a fan of myself.  Or, at this point, it'd be more honest to say that I'm not a fan of my body and how it looks.  At all.  Which is actually my motive for people watching.  I figure that if I observe enough people out in the world, maybe I'll find some style or something that I do like, and that I think I could pull off.

Outside.  I know, you can't judge a book by it's cover.  You can't judge a person by their clothing.  I get it. 

Except.  In my mind, other people always seem to be able to "pull it off" so much better than I imagine I'd be able to.  I mean, I love the idea of boots and skinny pants.  I've seen so many people who can totally rock that look.  I just don't believe I could make it work.  At least, on the inside, I've convinced myself that I can't pull it off.  Nor can I pull off tunics, or ballet flats, or a plethora of other bits of clothing and style that I find to be fantastic on others, yet, imagine they'd be hideous on me. 

And if I'm going to be completely honest, when it comes down to it, I just plain feel like an outsider in my own skin.  It's as if the person I am on the inside isn't worthy of looking nice on the outside.

Yes.  I do understand that isn't true.  Or at least my therapist continues to remind me that isn't true.  I guess the more accurate statement would be that I don't like my outside, and I'm just starting to like my inside. 

So now it's time for a different kind of window shopping.  This time, I'm gonna have to try to shop my insides in an effort to embrace my outsides.......

Gee whiz, do I love challenges like this!! {ugh}

Saturday, February 28, 2015

The Two-Hour Rule

I am a fan of rules, as you may have already figured out.
(Ok, yes, sometimes I prefer to break the rules, but generally....)

The other day, I learned a new rule that is already impacting my choices.  It's called the "two hour rule."  My dietitian pulled it out from where ever she keeps her gold nuggets, and I have to admit, it landed quite nicely.  I'm going to explain it in regards to food and eating, but really, you can use this rule for anything, any time you have to make a choice.

Am I going to be happy I ate this in two hours?
Am I going to be pleased with this choice in two hours?
Am I going to agree with this decision in two hours?

I think you get the gist of the rule.

And let me tell you, using it for less than a week has already made me stop and think, and actually change my original decision, more times than I care to admit.

Cause really, if I eat the handful of m&ms now, in two hours, will I still feel satisfied?  Chances are pretty darn good that I won't.  As a matter of fact, if I eat a handful of m&ms now, there's a really good chance that within two hours, I'll have eaten several more handfuls, and still not feel satisfied.

However, if I make the decision to have some veggies and hummus, two hours later chances are very good that I'll still feel satisfied.

I know it seems silly, but this rule reminded me of the NutraGrain commercial.... guess that really was positive marketing, for once!


P.S.  I have no opinion on the quality of NutriGrain bars.  I just like the commercial's "one good choice leads to another" message.

NEDA Week 2015 - Possibilities

Wrapping up the week with a bit of reflection...

Everybody Knows Somebody

NEDA 2013





Size vs Style

Anatomy of an ED


I Had No Idea

What Matters

30 Day Recovery Challenge

Friday, February 27, 2015

NEDA Week 2015 - Bullying

This fact from NEDA made me stop and think.

Back in high school, I had very few friends.  Ok, I had like 4 friends at school, the rest of my friends were through unrelated extra-curriculars.

That made for a rather lonely lunch time.  One that often found me eating in the corner of a stairwell I knew wasn't that busy during lunch.  Or hiding in the back corner of the library, cause I knew I wouldn't be found.  If I was lucky, I was able to eat in a classroom.  But after freshman year, nearly all of my lunches were eaten solo.

And really, when I think about it, after freshman year, all of my lunches sucked, too.  They were about as good for you as eating a case of Hershey bars.

I ate french fries, hostess cupcakes, and Hawaiian punch nearly every single day from sophomore year through graduation. 

As isolated and lonely as I was, I never really saw myself as bullied.  I avoided the people who were unkind to me.  I avoided people in general, really.  Today, that might be seen as being bullied, but back then?  Eh.  It was what it was.

I do know that those who isolate often are hiding or covering something up.  I wished many times during those days that someone would come up to me and befriend me, or offer to help me get support.  I mean, in my mind, everyone else was living this awesome, family-friendly life, while I was hiding in my own skin.

Speak up.  Reach out.  You never know the impact you'll make.....

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Thankful Thursdays - Year 3

Day 100 - Thursday 2/26/25 - My past is not going to poison my future anymore.  I hope.

Day 99 - Wednesday 2/25/15 - Took a risk.  Reached out during what would previously had made for a poor behavior choice.  Risk paid off.  Damn, she's good.

Day 98 - Tuesday 2/24/15 - Bonus visit with the peanut!  Score!

Day 97 - Monday 2/23/15 - Happy to be back at work today.  Love me those snow days, but I also love the routine of school, and of course, the kids!

Day 96 - Sunday 2/22/15 - Grateful for soap and water.  Like, really grateful.  Otherwise I'd be walking into school with purple fingers tomorrow.

Day 95 - Saturday 2/21/15 - Extremely thankful for the past three and a half years with my dietitian.  During our journey together, her care warmed me as much as it scared me.  I am grateful for her hugs, her comfort, and her ability to morph between mom and dietitian.  I'm also grateful that I have her blessing as I head into the next chapter of my nutritional work with my new dietitian.

Day 94 - Friday 2/20/15 - Happy to finally have a day where I had to be no where until dinner.  Those days seem rather rare lately.