Thanksgiving 2015

Well.  This generally explains my Thanksgiving experience.  This year, however, was different.  And it's taken me a while to digest the day- literally and figuratively. 

My whole life, my parents have hosted Thanksgiving.  It's always hovered around 18 people, swelling to 30 at some points in the past.  Thanksgiving has been, by far, my favorite holiday to celebrate with family because there are no gifts involved.  It's simply family getting together to share a great meal together.  Good food, sharing stories and memories, and an easy day for me to hide my eating patterns.

This year, though.... it was the first time in my life I wasn't with my family.  I shouldn't really care much about that, considering how much my family drives me nuts 85% of the time.  But it was really weird.  And I didn't like it.  I didn't like not being around everyone.  I didn't miss the cursing and arguing that ensued.  Nor did I miss the negative family members who always complain about being on the receiving end of hell.  But I did miss the family. 

Sure, we celebrated together on Friday, but it wasn't the same.  It was just the immediate family.  No aunts, uncles, cousins..... just us.  And the food Friday was non-traditional.  It was supposed to be a "leftover Thanksgiving" meal, but it morphed into leftovers, brunch, and Jewish delicacies.  The meal was actually rather schizophrenic, and as my mom changed the menu a dozen or so times in 24 hours, I ended up without much to eat.

The odd thing about the whole event was the way it confused the heck out of me.  When I was younger, I always wanted to be able to celebrate holidays with friends.  Trick-or-treat with my best friends (was never able to do so, always had to stay with family,) or new years, or even enjoy Christmas Day with my Jewish friends.  But none of that ever happened.  I was always with my family (with the exception of NYE babysitting years).  Somehow, that is what *felt* right, even though I didn't always want to be there.

So this year, I celebrated with my best friend and her family.  I knew pretty much everyone in her family, and I always enjoy hanging out with them.  It was a lovely evening, full of good food, good conversation, laughter, and relaxation.  It was quite pleasant.

But when I got in the car, it hit.  I spent the drive home alternating between tears and "I'm ok right now because" conversations in my head.  Truth was, I really was ok.  A great evening with great friends and great food?  Heading home to a warm house in a safe neighborhood, driving a safe car that's paid off - all stuff that make things perfectly good.  Perfectly all right.

Perfectly ok.  Despite what my head thinks.  That's where the confusion comes in.

So I guess I will remind myself that one of the things I am most thankful for is my treatment team - cause with their help, maybe one day I won't be as confused.....!

Farewell 2014, Hello 2015!

Well, it's time to let another year ride off in the sunset, as a new year approaches the horizon.  I don't know about you, but my 2014 was quite the interesting one.  There were definitely some ups (becoming an Aunt tops the list!) and there were definitely some downs (um, school troubles, anyone?) but overall, it was a growth filled year.

~ The highlights ~

I won a few technology grants for my classroom. ~ I presented at my first massive conference. ~ I jumped out of a plane with my best friend. ~ I did my first major presentation, speaking in front of my entire district of over 700 people. ~ I celebrated two years with the Pup. ~ I became an Aunt to the most adorable little peanut in the world, who has completely stolen my heart. ~ I paid off my car. ~ I watched my first class of students graduate high school. ~ I stabilized my weight. ~ I watched my niece transform my family, for the better. ~
I learned. ~ I risked. ~ I tried. ~ I grew.

Sure, there was a lot of failure and hurt and sadness and anxiety and
pain and fear and stress and tears.  But like the quote says.....
I'm going to try to see the possibilities instead of the pain.....

The word for 2014?  Possibilities.
For the first time in my life, I am seeing possibilities for a future..... for my future......

Guess it's time to bring on 2015!

Martin Luther King Day 2014

Be Kind

I particularly like this Sketches in Stillness image because it is such a great reminder for this time of year.... Especially as we begin to think about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, and his peaceful premise...... something that seems to be frequently forgotten these days......

Buh-by 2013!

Twelve more months.

52 more weeks.

365 more days.

8760 more hours.

All in the past.

2013 is done.  Over.  Gone.  Finished.

2014 is here.  Ready.  New.  Fresh.

Memories?  2013 was full of them.

Some good. 

Some horrid. 

Some sad. 

Some funny.

Some just plain crazy.

26 Acts.

365 Days of Giving Thanks.

30 Days Recovery Challenge.

31 Days of Blogging.

Four Leaf Clovers.

2013's word? Written.
The vast amount of writing I did this year, both on the blog and in my journal...
yeah, written fits for sure.

As for 2014?

Can't wait to see what it brings.......

Happy Christmas

Interesting perspective....... eh?

Rent-a-Family?

The holiday season can be rough, really, really rough for those with family issues.  Things can be equally as rough, if not rougher, for those without family issues due to the fact that they don't have family.

For some, that's no biggie.  Family free = problem free.  Sorta.

For others, especially younger people, college age-ish, being without a family around this season can be sad, lonely, and really, really depressing.  Especially those at university, surrounded by people talking about family and holidays and fleeing campus for the holiday break.

Jackie, tried to rent a family and got SO much more.......

Meet Jackie.  Jackie is a college student at William Jessup University in Sacramento, California.  Now, I don't know Jackie personally, though I do believe I'd like her.  She decided to make a change this year.  Instead of the usual, miserable December (despite eleven rocking months) she took action.

She posted an ad on Craigslist, looking to rent parents for a few hours to enjoy some holiday time.  Yes, you read that right.  She put an ad on Craigslist.  Ballsy?  Maybe.  Brave?  Totally.  Inspired?  Oh yes.........

Best part?  Not only did she find a family for the holidays, she was able to connect others who responded to her ad (both parents looking to help, and other students in positions similar to Jackie's,) find some company, too.

I love pick-me-up stories like this..... and am so inspired by our future when reading about Jackie and those she's impacted.

Read the full story.  You won't regret it.
(Though you may shed a few tears amid the smiles........)

Saturday Smiles

Hey, what can I say, this is a once in 70,000+ year opportunity!  Time to seize the moments instead of watching them float by...... and this is a fun moment to seize!

PIE

It's Thanksgiving time in the States..... and in my world, that means PIE.

Snow, snow, snow?!?

Already?!  On Veteran's Day?  It's too early!

This is what I walked out to this evening.  So not ready for it!

At least it explains why the kids were off the wall today!  There's always that chaos in school the day of the first snow........

Snow, while white and fluffy, and often pretty and sparkly, depresses me.  It means that it's indoor season.  The darkness arrives at dinnertime.  Darkness can be cozy, but when heading into the season of darkness?  Yeah..... it's gonna be an interesting winter!

365 Days of Giving Thanks - July 4th Edition

Day 226 - Thursday 7/4/13 - Surprised that I lasted as long as I did at the barbeque this afternoon - thankful that the Pup was so good, that I was able to enjoy family time while it lasted, and that we were able to celebrate independence day together!

Day 225 - Wednesday 7/3/13 - Thankful to catch some beautiful fireworks on my way home tonight - got to enjoy the beauty without enduring the bang!

Day 224 - Tuesday 7/2/13 - So appreciate the beauty of my neighborhood.... such a pretty walk with the Pup this evening!

Day 223 - Monday 7/1/13 - Thankful for a good night of sleep!  I missed that!

Day 222 - Sunday 6/30/13 - Appreciating the little relationships being built with the local farmer's market vendors - had my first food truck experience today thanks to one, and it was yum!

Day 221 - Saturday 6/29/13 - Excited about a home improvement project I'm planning, and thankful that I have the time to do it this summer!

Day 220 - Friday 6/28/13 - Grateful for a day of rest....

Earth Day 2013

Happy Earth Day!
Image courtesy of Shirt Woot!

Pi(e) Anyone?

Thank you Shirt Woot!

Adios 2012!

The Earth is completing it's 365 day journey around the sun, and another year comes to a close.

I am SO glad this year is over.

Here's to creating something better in 2013!

Continuing on with a tradition I started several years ago (read more about it here) I have dubbed this year the year of pain.  I know that sounds harsh and cold, but it is the truth.  There have been so many painful experiences this year, both physical and mental, I can't even begin to explain it.  2012 was hard and painful and unpleasant in so many ways.  I wouldn't wish the pain I've been through on anyone.

While 2012 was a painfully uncomfortable year, there is one big upside to pain.  It makes you appreciate the good that much more.  Cause while there was a tremendous amount of pain this year, there was also some good.  And maybe it's because of all that pain that the good feels that much more special.

I know that the pain of 2012 won't end at the stroke of midnight, but I am hoping that as we move through 2013, it lessens a little bit every day.  And I'm going to continue trying to take things one day at a time.

Blogging for Wellbeing: Advent 2012 Part 2

December 13th - What does Peace mean to you?
People
Everywhere
Accepting and
Celebrating
Everyone

December 14th - Winter Warmth
Honestly, the warmth I find in the winter comes as layers of blankets and stretchy, comfy pants.  And any time of year, the place where I feel most safe is in my therapist's office.  There's something warm and safe in the cozy space she's created.  At this moment though?  Contentness, warmth, and all that?  It comes from snuggling with my pup.

December 15th - Do you believe in Miracles?
Wow.  I want to believe in miracles, I really do.  And sometimes, I think I do believe.  Then a huge tragedy comes along and rocks my world, as well as the nations, and I question.  I think that more than miracles, I believe in fate.  I believe in karma.  I believe that sometimes things fall into place and we might never know why.

December 16th - Surviving the Holidays
It's such a chaos filled time of the year, that sometimes it feels even more challenging to navigate than usual.  A tool I may be able to use on any other day is often forgotten amidst the holiday chaos.  One thing that I really try hard to maintain is my quiet evening time.  I need the alone time at the end of the day to unwind and decompress.  If I can give myself that time in the morning to prepare for the day, and to unwind at the end, I'm going to better be able to handle the holiday!

December 17th - You and Santa - Share the memories, good and bad
Me and the big guy don't have much of a history, so I'm taking a pass on this one.

December 18th - The School Christmas Play
Being a product of public schools, we never had a "Christmas" play, instead we had a "Holiday Concert" as it was more politically correct.  To tell you the truth, I was always a little uncomfortable at the concert.  Every grade learned different songs, and the parents all came.... I felt very out of place, as we only sang one Hanukkah song, and the rest of the festivities?  They just didn't fit in the life of a Jewish kid.

December 19th - Self Care during the holiday season
Considering I have a tough time with self-care all year round?  Yeah, this time of year it's that much worse.  I think that the biggest thing I can do to take care of myself, especially this time of year, is to try and be kind to myself.  Which in itself is no easy task.

December 20th - Share the Love!
Sharing the love is something I love to do!  I love seeing people smile, and if I can provide them with a reason to smile, that's the best gift I can give!  Reminds me of that saying, what costs nothing, but means the world to people; what can you give away, and never run out of?  The answer?  Hugs, of course!  To me, nothing says I love you like a warm hug from a good friend.

December 21st - What do your friends mean to you?
My friends... I love them more than they will probably ever know, if only because I do have a hard time expressing myself!  My friends might be few, but they are gifts, each of them.

December 22nd - Where is your inner child?
My inner child is stuck somewhere in the 1980's.... and she's trying to make herself heard these days!  As a kid, I did love playing in the snow, making snow forts and snow angels... I loved the lights of the menorah, and playing the dreidle game.... getting together with cousins and aunts and uncles....

December 23rd - Holiday Traditions...
...don't really exist in my world.  At least not yet.  One day, when I have my own family, we will have our own traditions.

December 24th - On the eve of....
I feel like every night is the eve of the rest of my life.  Every day, I hope that tomorrow will be better.  I hope, that after enough tomorrows, I really will be on the eve of the rest of my life, and it will be a great life....

Blogging for Wellbeing: Advent 2012 Part 1

December 1st - Countdown!
For many, December 1st begins the formal countdown to Christmas.  For those that don't celebrate Christmas, it means something different.  To me as an educator, December 1st is definitely a count down.... the count down to our December break!

December 2nd - Holiday Cards
For many years, I had the best of intention to send holiday cards to those I care about.  Every year I bought adorable cards and made my list.  And every year I was met with disappointment, as no amount of intention helped me complete the task.  Now, instead of setting myself up for failure in sending holiday cards, I send notes to friends whenever the moment strikes - whether it's a funny card I see in the store, or I'm just thinking of them.

December 3rd - What does Winter/December mean to you?

To me, December means winter is near.  Winter being near means I have a much more palatable excuse for staying in.  Winter means I'm going to have to fight a lot harder to do the things that generally take little effort, as the darkness is hard for me.  December means we're readying to say farewell to another year.... whatever that means....

December 4th - How do you experience time in this season?

I don't know what it is about time, but when I want it to pass quickly, it drags on for ages, and when I want it to slow down, it flies by.  This season is no different.  Take school break, for example.  The countdown to the break takes for ever!  However, once break arrives?  Yup.  It flies by.

December 5th - The holiday shopping experience...
.... is so not something I enjoy.  There was a time, way back when, that I actually enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the shopping adventure.  Now?  I much prefer two types of shopping.  One, shopping in small, local stores, and two.... shopping in small, local stores, from the comfort of my couch.  As long as I give myself proper time to shop, finding the just right gifts isn't as challenging as it once was.

December 6th - Dear Santa
When I was a kid, my parents always traveled during Christmas.  It wasn't a big deal to me, as we celebrated Chanukah.  I particularly enjoyed their travels when they left us with a babysitter that DID celebrate Christmas.  Cause then, my parents left us little stockings and we had a little extra fun!

December 7th - Wrapping things up!

Oh boy.  This is a loaded one.  I am wrapped up and surrounded by my own inner chaos.  I tend to give away my power rather swiftly, and then get a headache trying to retrieve it.  Giving is great, and I love to do so.  Getting?  Next topic?

December 8th - The miracle of light!
Chanukah oh Chanukah... I love the dance of the lights of the menorah.  The story of Chanukah is one of my favorites, as well.  The festival of lights is a story of hope.  I am so thankful for my team, for they help me stay grounded so I am able to accept the light my students bring to my world.

December 9th - Do you believe?

I *think* so.  I mean, something has to make the seasons change, and the sun rise, something more than scientific descriptions.  Do I believe in my students?  Absolutely.  Each and every one of them has the potential to change the world.  Do I believe in me?  Not exactly.... but I do believe my team, and they believe in me....

December 10th - Family....
Family is what you make it.  My family.... they broke the mold, that's for sure.  I know that people often say that if we were to put all our cards out on the table, and had the chance to choose someone else's cards, we'd still choose our own, because they are what we know.  I'm not sure what I think about that.

December 11th - Finding light through the darkness...
Truthfully, this is a very dark time of year for me.  I rely on the light that comes from my team to lead me through the darkness.  I rely on the light from my students to brighten my world during the dark of winter.  Oh, and I rely on snow days for the unscheduled relief they bring!

December 12th - Looking inward
The light in my heart shines today because there are people in my world that remind me of my purpose.... that remind me that I do matter.... that I do make a difference.... they reflect to me the light that I can not see, similar to the way the moon reflects the light of the sun.  Inside me, they see something that I can't yet see, instead I follow their light, holding on to the hope that one day, I'll find my own.

Saturday Smiles: Chanukah Style

May this last night of Chanukah be made all the more
sweeter by spending it with family.

Week 44: Holiday Smiles

During the holiday season, what makes me smile the most is watching the Random Acts Of Kindness that seem to be more plentiful during this time of year.  It is so wonderful to see so much giving!  Whether someone has adopted a family, or donated to a food pantry, or volunteered at a soup kitchen.... giving is giving, no matter how you look at it.

My favorite part of the season would be the giving.  While I'm not a fan of receiving gifts (the same reaction I have to compliments) I do love giving them.  I enjoy shopping to special tokens of appreciation for those that I work with, and care about.  Though money isn't plentiful, there is always room to give.

Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.

If you know me, you know I love numbers!  So of course, I'd not pass up the chance to for another numerical celebration!

Today is actually the last "triple" date of my lifetime, heck, of the next century!

Twelfth month.
Twelfth day.
Twelfth year.

We recently had ten. eleven. twelve.
And before that we had eleven. eleven. eleven.

Funny enough, a few of the students that I had last year asked if I would be doing another writing celebration for today's date.  Honestly, I'd like to, but we'll see if I can pull something together before days end that we can actually do!  I'll keep you posted.

For now, enjoy twelve. twelve. twelve!

Week 43: Advice for the Season

Well, this topic is a tough one for me, because I am one who avoids the holiday chaos as much as possible.  I'm not one for social gatherings, especially when the attendance is more than 8.  The topic is recovery advice or encouragement that is helpful during the holiday season.

The timing was quite perfect, as my friend Tamara over at Faith and Substance reminded me of a little saying that I've heard for years, but had forgotten about until she reminded me:

 
I think this is a great reminder for all of us this holiday season - from those of us who celebrate nearly every weekend till the new year, to those of us who celebrate solo.  For me, it's a reminder to stop and remember the little things that I have.  Some people wish they had a steady job, a warm bed, and food to eat.  I've got all of that, and more.  So when the depression of winter sets in, and the stress over the holidays knocks me out, I am going to work to remember that in the grand scheme of things, I really am too blessed to be stressed!