Almost Famous

I love this movie.  It happened to be on today when I got home,  and when I turned to the channel, this scene was playing.  I love this scene.  There are so many things I love about this scene.  On so many levels.

I am a Kate Hudson fan, and always have been.  She sends a very positive message to the world, and while I know TV is not real at all, she comes across as a person who would make for a good friend.

This.  Scene.  Where William yells at Penny Lane about the Real World, and the confusion all the rules and sayings and nicknames.... I get it.  While this movie is completely fictitious, the idea of being in a false reality, as in on tour with the band, is familiar.  The rules of this "world" and all the sayings and such?  I get it.  And I get why William is mad.  He sees the potential.

I've lived in this world.  I think I still do.

For years, I participated in a sport that was more expensive than I could afford.  I was literally surrounded by people who dropped $15K a weekend, and purchased horses worth more than a new car.  I lived in that fantasy world for years.  At first, I loved it.  But deep down, I knew I didn't fit.  I tried.  I tried hard to fit.  And there were times, moments like Penny's reaction at the end of the clip, where I swallowed the "this isn't right" and "I know I am worth more" feeling and shoved ahead, even though I knew there was a better place for me in the world.

I relied on humor a lot back then, and I'm finding myself relying, once again, on humor as I navigate my new world.  Yes, my new world.  My new job that I began this summer required a massive change of venue, and a huge shift in working overall.

All good.  All good for sure.

Except.  Once again, I feel like the end of this scene, where no matter what Penny is thrown, she will always, always, always smile through the tears, lighten the situation, and not let it get to her.  But I saw her face.  I saw her reaction.  The tears.  The brief but powerful shift of her gaze.  I recognized it.  Cause I do it.

And this new job?  Yes, it's my dream job.  And yes, I love it.  But I feel like an outsider in the "real world" of this community.  I do have a commonality with everyone, which is good, but.... the rules... the nicknames.... the sayings..... the confusion..... the inner hurt because I don't get it.  It's outside of my knowledge base.  And it makes me feel uncomfortable and bad about myself.

Here's the thing.  Everyone has said if I have questions, feel free to ask.  And I have asked questions, and people have patiently explained and clarified.  And like in the movie, everything in the end comes around, through the road blocks and confusion, there is a sense of peace as the credits roll.

Right now, though, I'm in the end of the scene.  The first few weeks of school were crazy, and it would have been no shock to anyone if I broke down at all.  What people don't know is that on the inside, I was frustrated to the point of tears.  But on the outside, I was smiling and cracking jokes.  And keeping everyone shielded from any emotion that wasn't positive.

I'm really getting tired of smiling through those tears.  Really tired.

That's Me!

Yep.  That's me.  Hypersensitive.  Oversensitive.  Emotionally excessive.  Call it what you want.  

Just make sure that from now on, you call me an Empathetic Badass.

An Ode to Eos

It sits there.  On my computer.  Right next to my mini Sheldon.

It's there in my car.  Next to me.  In the cup holder.

It's next to my bed.  On the nightstand.  Waiting.

There's one in the bathroom, too.

Yet.....

I continually choose to ignore it.  To forget it's there.  To ignore the smoke signals, the reminders, the quiet whispers, the louder shouts.  I ignore them all.

"I'm right here!  In front of your face!"  It declares.

"Go ahead, grab me!  You know you need me!"  It boasts.

"C'm on!  It's not gonna do anything bad!"  It exclaims.

"What's it going to hurt?  Nothing!  It's only going to help!" It cries.

"Why the #%&$ aren't you grabbing me?!?" It taunts.

Stupid chapstick.

Or.  Maybe I'm the stupid one.  Considering I will easily go all day ignoring my lip's plea for respite, for relief, for the simple coating that restores them to peace.  One would think that I must prefer to torture myself, to let my lips burn day in and day out.

(You know this isn't about the chapstick.  Right?)

It's something I'm trying to do.  Trying to stop ignoring the pain, and start reaching for the solution.  Especially when it's less than an arm's length away.  Truth be told, I've always been great at torturing myself, and I've always sucked at being kind to myself.  That's slowly starting to head in the direction of change.

And as my dietitian says,
"Just grab the #$@% chapstick!"

I'm trying.  Or, at least, I'm trying to start trying.

Saturday Smiles

Thank you, Shirt Woot, for another gem!

Happy Christmas

Interesting perspective....... eh?

Saturday Smiles

 

I know, I know.  Teacher humor.  I just couldn't resist!

 

Day 8: Advice

Don't eat yellow snow.

Don't go commando if you're wearing button-fly jeans.

If roasting marshmallows using metal hangers, make sure to wear an oven mitt.

Always look both ways before crossing the street.  Twice.

Measure twice, cut once.

Salt makes everything more flavorful.

Keep band-aids in your wallet.

Spread kindness everywhere, especially to people who are grumpy.

Day 8 Prompt: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

(A moment of silence to acknowledge that this is the 420th post on the blog - wow!)

Day 2: An Education

Good Morning Class!  Today we're going to explore how to procrastinate. 

To begin your procrastination journey, write the due date of whatever the task is on your calendar.  For good measure, stick it on a post-it note on your mirror, too, so you see it every day.

Next, set yourself a schedule so you know when you need to have certain tasks complete on the journey to final project completion.  Ignore this schedule.

Third, spend at least a few minutes every morning and evening staring at your calendar, counting the days that you have left to complete the task.

Fourth, schedule an entire weekend to complete the entire project.  Prepare yourself by scheduling library time, and making a list of supplies you'll need to pick up in order to complete the project.

Then, when said weekend arrives, distract yourself by watching old movies you DVRd, and spending time on Pinterest and reading your blog statistics to see how quickly they change.

Finally, the night before the project is due, spend an exorbitant amount of time totally anxious, to the point of a panic attack.  Once said attack has passed, turn some music on really loudly to drown out all the negative voices in your head, and get to work.  Stay up as late as possible (midnight or one o'clock in the morning) and set your alarm for an hour and a half early, just to add the finishing touches.

When you turn said project in, you will feel a huge sense of relief for completing it.  You will promise yourself never, ever, ever to do that much procrastinating again.  This, of course, will go completely out the window when you get the A on your project, and realize that procrastination really is ok.  If only you could do something about the accompanying panic attacks......


Day 2 Prompt: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic.)

Saturday Smiles

Courtesy of Shirt Woot

Yeah...... I totally did this...... multiple times!

Saturday Smiles

A ShirtWoot honorable mention.

Days like today, when I feel the most lost, stuck, tired, depressed...... finding smiles is not an easy task.  But how could I not crack a smile with this image?!

Challenge 11, Part 4: YOU

OK.  I know I've been in very much a downer of a mood.  Yeah, I'm still stuck in that space, but I just cause I'm stuck doesn't mean I need to depress everyone else.  Which is why I picked this quote for the last of the week's prompt.

I'm kinda short.  I have been referred to as "vertically challenged" at times, but after reading this quote, I'm going to stick with "concentrated awesome" instead.  Good things also tend to come in small packages.

It's even been said that things only grow until they are perfect.*  Some of us didn't take as long as others!  Well, I am far from perfect, that's for sure, but it's nice to smile once in a while, and that's what this post will hopefully do for you, and for me.....

* As I've stated before, perfect really only exists in the dictionary, or at least that's what I believe.  However, in this case, perfect for me means someone that is full of imperfections, too, because I know I sure am!