Thanksgiving 2015

Well.  This generally explains my Thanksgiving experience.  This year, however, was different.  And it's taken me a while to digest the day- literally and figuratively. 

My whole life, my parents have hosted Thanksgiving.  It's always hovered around 18 people, swelling to 30 at some points in the past.  Thanksgiving has been, by far, my favorite holiday to celebrate with family because there are no gifts involved.  It's simply family getting together to share a great meal together.  Good food, sharing stories and memories, and an easy day for me to hide my eating patterns.

This year, though.... it was the first time in my life I wasn't with my family.  I shouldn't really care much about that, considering how much my family drives me nuts 85% of the time.  But it was really weird.  And I didn't like it.  I didn't like not being around everyone.  I didn't miss the cursing and arguing that ensued.  Nor did I miss the negative family members who always complain about being on the receiving end of hell.  But I did miss the family. 

Sure, we celebrated together on Friday, but it wasn't the same.  It was just the immediate family.  No aunts, uncles, cousins..... just us.  And the food Friday was non-traditional.  It was supposed to be a "leftover Thanksgiving" meal, but it morphed into leftovers, brunch, and Jewish delicacies.  The meal was actually rather schizophrenic, and as my mom changed the menu a dozen or so times in 24 hours, I ended up without much to eat.

The odd thing about the whole event was the way it confused the heck out of me.  When I was younger, I always wanted to be able to celebrate holidays with friends.  Trick-or-treat with my best friends (was never able to do so, always had to stay with family,) or new years, or even enjoy Christmas Day with my Jewish friends.  But none of that ever happened.  I was always with my family (with the exception of NYE babysitting years).  Somehow, that is what *felt* right, even though I didn't always want to be there.

So this year, I celebrated with my best friend and her family.  I knew pretty much everyone in her family, and I always enjoy hanging out with them.  It was a lovely evening, full of good food, good conversation, laughter, and relaxation.  It was quite pleasant.

But when I got in the car, it hit.  I spent the drive home alternating between tears and "I'm ok right now because" conversations in my head.  Truth was, I really was ok.  A great evening with great friends and great food?  Heading home to a warm house in a safe neighborhood, driving a safe car that's paid off - all stuff that make things perfectly good.  Perfectly all right.

Perfectly ok.  Despite what my head thinks.  That's where the confusion comes in.

So I guess I will remind myself that one of the things I am most thankful for is my treatment team - cause with their help, maybe one day I won't be as confused.....!

Saturday Smiles

Hey, what can I say, this is a once in 70,000+ year opportunity!  Time to seize the moments instead of watching them float by...... and this is a fun moment to seize!

PIE

It's Thanksgiving time in the States..... and in my world, that means PIE.

365 Days of Giving Thanks

Exactly one year ago today, I decided to jump on the November gratitude bandwagon, with one exception.  I wasn't going to share my gratitude for just the month of November.  Sure, it's a great month to do so, with Thanksgiving and all..... but one month isn't enough for me.

Gratitude is something I'm supposed to be working on every day.  Every day I'm supposed to try to find something that I'm grateful for in my day.  Something that I'm proud of.  Something worth being thankful for.  Ideally, these are supposed to be things I'm proud of myself for participating in, but.... we're still working on that part!

Today marks day 365.  While my weekly list will be posted on Thursday, as usual, I wanted to mark this somewhat momentous occasion.  I also want to encourage those who jump into the gratitude pool in November to consider making it a year-round event....  I know I'll be continuing the tradition!

A Simple Request

Sometimes we have big wishes.  Lots of wants.  Lots of "gimmes."  Lots of desires.

Foster Teen Gets First 'Real' Thanksgiving
With Adoptive Family

I stumbled upon this article on Yahoo News, and was taken aback by a single wish of a young man.

A family.

That's all this 19 year old wanted.

A family.

Kind of makes me appreciate mine, as dysfunctional, twisted, and painful for me to be a part of, at least they want me.

Read the whole article.  You won't regret it.

365 Days of Giving Thanks

All month long people have been posting things they are thankful for as their Facebook status.  I really like that idea.... but why does it need to be reserved for just the month of November?  Shouldn't we be practicing gratitude all year long?

That is what I am going to try and do, and by posting it here on the blog (instead of just in my journal) I'm hopeful that it will better help me be held accountable.  My intention is to join in on what many bloggers call "Thankful Thursdays" and each Thursday post one thing that I am thankful for from each day of the week.

Considering this is the most Thankful Thursday of the year (at least in the United States) I figured it would be a great day to start!

Google's 2009 Thanksgiving Day Doodle

Day 1 - Friday 11/16 - I am thankful that my students were wonderful during the assembly today!

Day 2 - Saturday 11/17 - I am thankful for my dietitian's patience, she was the "bad guy" today and came down hard on me, but it was done with love and my best interest at heart.

Day 3 - Sunday 11/18 - I am thankful that for my sister-in-law and her knowledge of dogs as I enter the world of canine ownership.

Day 4 - Monday 11/19 - I am thankful for my friend E, who came to let the little guy out while I was at work.

Day 5 - Tuesday 11/20 - I am thankful that conferences are finally over!

Day 6 - Wednesday 11/21 - I am thankful for my amazing physician who, during a five minute conversation before my physical began, calmed my nerves about the dietary changes, finally helping me make sense of things.

Day 7 - Thursday 11/22 - I am thankful for so much this Thanksgiving day - for having a place to celebrate the holiday, for my sister's safety, for my special friends, for my team... and for a pup who likes to sleep in!

In Awe and Appreciation

It's no secret that I'm in the midst of some yucky changes that I would prefer to avoid.  I really do work hard to keep this blog somewhat motivating and positive, but sometimes life happens and that is reflected here.  Gotta keep things honest and real, at least that's my goal.

Despite the changes and challenges, or maybe because of them, today I was once again reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful team.  Really truly beyond what I could have dreamed up..... they are amazing.

Today was my annual physical, which I'll admit is not my favorite thing.  But I know that it's necessary if I want to take the best care of myself that I can.  I've been seeing my physician for upwards of 13 years now, and I have nothing but admiration and appreciation for her.  She cares, above and beyond, she cares.

Truth be told, my doctor is the reason I'm still around today.  She sent me to my therapist, who sent me to my dietitian.  Between the three of them...... I don't know that I'll ever be able to find the words to express my gratitude.  They've pushed me, frustrated me, scared me, annoyed me, and most of all, they've cared about me.... all for my own good.  Because of my team, not only am I here today, but I am able to survive challenging changes (albeit kicking and screaming sometimes!)  The mix of love, admiration, appreciation, and gratitude that I have for them.... I don't know where I'd be without them.

The confidence they have in me is actually somewhat frightening, as I'm not really sure where they find it.  But my trust in them?  I'd travel to Mars and back if they told me to.  And it is nice to have that trust in them.... maybe one day I'll find that confidence they seem to have, too.

Thanksgiving: A day for giving THANKS

The once escaped Penguin...
America's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday.  I guess in some ways it still is.  In my mind, it's the only holiday that is all about being with your family and friends just to be.  No gift exchanges, no dressing up (at least not in my family) no one person in the spotlight, just a group of people sharing a great meal and their gratitude.

While Thanksgiving and I haven't been getting along the past few years, I do have quite a lot to be thankful for right now.

Smurfette!
America's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2011

Here's the short list: 
I am thankful for my job - it is the reason I get out of bed every day.

I am thankful for my team - they keep me sane and are the reason I can actually do my job.

I am thankful for my home - having a roof over my head will never be taken for granted.

Lions and tigers and giraffes?
America's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2011

I am thankful for my friends - old and new, as they add so much value to my life.

I am thankful for my family - I have learned a lot from them.

As the day comes to a close, I can't help but think that even though there is some not-fun stuff going on in my life at the moment, today was one of the best Thanksgiving Days I've had in a long, long time.  It started with an incredible trip down memory lane with a very special friend, and ended with a great conversation.  The in-between?  That, surprisingly, wasn't too bad either.

"Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; 

but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude." 

-- E.P. Powell