Complicated

It's been a while since a song made it's way onto the blog, and there's no time like the present to pop one in right now.  Especially this one.  Life, right now, has become so complicated lately.  My mind is even fuller than usual (if that's even possible!) and that makes a lot of tasks more challenging than they need to be.

I know this is an old one, but it's a good one, at least in my mind....

Complicated by Avril Lavigne

 

All About WHAT Bass?

So there's the song that's been stuck in my head for a while.  Not the greatest of earworms, but not the worst.  A part of me really likes the song, as there is a great message in it.  Yet.... another part of me doesn't like it.  There's something just not right about it.

The first time I heard it on the radio, I skipped over it, only to come back to it when nothing good was on the other stations.  There was (and is) something catchy about the tune.  The line that caught me was this:

"Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."

I don't know about you, but that is a reminder I need to hear every hour on the hour, and on the quarter hour when I'm in a bad place.  Another less powerful, but equally powerful (I know, I'm oxymoronic today) line says "my mamma she told me don't worry about your size."  Another truth.  Another thing I need to be reminded of.  All good so far, right?

And yet...... maybe you need to watch the video (though it may be a little offensive in places?  Or not?  I like the throw back to the 50's-ish-era.) and see what you think.  There's just something about the fact that "boys like a little more booty to hold at night," and "I ain't no size two but I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do, Cause I got that boom boom in that all the boys chase, all the right junk in all the right places."

I don't know about you, but something just doesn't sit well with me there.  Does that mean I turn the song off when I hear it on the radio?  Nope.  I even sing along to this earworm.  Doesn't mean I love all of it, though.  Guess that's the black and white thinking my therapist always reminds me of - this song is a grey are for me.

ETA - Just found this article that outlines my exact dilemma about this song..... interesting read.....

Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning

I love, love, love this topic!  You may have been able to tell, as last time around this topic had, oh....... nine entries!

Anyway, right now there is yet another Katy Perry song that I LOVE.  It reminds me of a song I posted a while ago by Sara Bareillis.  They both have such an uplifting message, and both songs make me smile when I hear even the first few bars on the radio.

Katy Perry: Roar

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...
Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

A Musical Message

I heard this song for the first time last week.  

What a message......... 

I know I need to hear it.  

A lot. 

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

Day 29: Music!

Oh boy.  Another one?  Seriously?  Only five?!  I have an entire page devoted to music!   Picking only five is gonna be tough.  So here's my compromise.  I'm picking five that may or may not be on the list already.  Promise me you'll check out the music page for the rest.... and note that like the quote page, it's an ever growing page, too!

Here we go.... in no particular order, five favorite songs:

Song 1: The Killers - When You Were Young

Song 2: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

Song 3: Owl City - Fireflies

Song 4: Yes - I've Seen All Good People

Song 5: Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

There you have it.  My very eclectic mix of songs.  It took me over two hours to narrow it down to just five!  Not an easy (or fun) task!

Day 29 Prompt: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post.

More Music

Have you seen the movie Moneyball?  It's one of my favorite movies.  I never get tired of watching it. In fact, I just finished watching it again.... and though this song struck me from the first time I watched the movie, it hit a homer tonight.  Make that a grand slam.

Music seems to be speaking to me louder than usual as of late.  Maybe because these days, other than my therapist's voice, music is the only thing that gets through to this frenetically hyperactive brain of mine. Gives me momentary pause to think.

Sometimes that's a good thing.  Tonight?  I've kinda liked not thinking.

More processing ahead.......

The Show (Lyrics below)

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,

Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone, 

I've tried and I don't know why
Slow it down, make it stop 

or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough..

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows, they've got a ticket to the show
Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone, 

I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show....

(Here's the full length version)

Blackbird?

I was out for a walk with The Pup this afternoon and noticed a few blackbirds enjoying the patches of sunshine.  The song Blackbird instantly popped into my head and I've been humming it ever since.

This lyric has been stuck in my head: 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

It took me by complete surprise how profoundly this lyric struck me.  My mom is a huge Beatles fan, so I've been listening to them since birth.  I enjoy their music, but I'm not a die-hard fan.  There is definitely some significance of this particular lyric, the part about these broken wings, and learning to fly?  Only waiting for this moment to arise?

Might be obvious at first glance, but methinks something is percolating in this chaotic brain of mine...  something more significant than face value of the words printed here....

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Words and Music

I guess this fits in the ongoing "Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning" series.  Lately I've been really challenged to find the words to express myself.  I feel full of this false sense of good, and if I open my mouth, I'll lose it all.  I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, but this time, the shoe is in my hand. 

And I know I'm going to drop it.

In fact, I might already have.  That would explain the tearful mess I've been this evening.  On the heels of a pretty decent end to the week, as life would have it.  Now, though?  I just feel like....

Some Nights by Fun

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore...
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style

And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I? mmm... mmm...

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (come on)

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?

(Come on)

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on
Oh, come on. Oh, come on, OH COME ON!

Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the heck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...
Some terrible nights...ahhh...

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh... 

Just for Fun: Spreading Smiles

OK.  I'm sorry, I just can't resist.

Someone shared this video via FB or Twitter and it is too cute not to share.  It's perfect for one of those "in case of emergency, click here" days.  You know the kind I'm talking about, right?  The one where you are in desperate need of a giggle or smile?  Yeah, that one.  These two six year old friends add their own twist to a popular song that you may recognize.  I suggest watching it in full screen - even better!

Enjoy!

Gotye: Somebody That I Used To Know

(I am not for or against kids listening to Gotye, that's up to their parents,
I'm just giggling at the cuteness of the video!)

Happy Independence Day!

July 4th is a special day in the United States of America.  

It's the 236th birthday of the good ole' U. S. of A.

If you think about it, today can be more than the country's independence day.  It can be a day that we choose to take back our independence from whatever it is holding us back.  It also might mean we surrender that fierce independence and begin to allow ourselves to lean on others for support.  Today can be a lot more than just the birthday of a nation.... it can be a celebration of a personal victory, celebrating one step closer toward freedom from whatever it is holding you back.

With that in mind.... I'm revisiting Week 7... yep, that means another song!  As cliche as this is for today, this song is one of my all time favorites.  I remember when it first came out, how the words spoke to the depths of my cells, and the lyrics filled me with hope.  I actually did a pretty dynamic writing assignment with my students using this song.  The video is quite powerful, but even more powerful is the story behind the video's creation.  Enjoy!

Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning - Take 7

Firework by Katy Perry

(lyrics below video)

(Check out the making of the video at the end of this post!)

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards,
One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, you cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Ah, ah, ah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in "awe, awe, awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon 

Updated to add a great article I just read via Twitter -
Declaring Independence from Body Image Saboteurs

Secrets

I am a good listener.  People tell me things.  I am glad to hold on to their secrets because I know how good it feels to have someone else hold my secrets.

Want to see lots of secrets? 
Check out www.postsecretcommunity.com

The thing is, these days... I don't have many secrets.  I've become a great tattletale.

No, you don't have to worry.  If you gave me a secret to hold, I'll hold it till you tell me otherwise.

I'm talking about tattling on myself.  I'm great at telling on me.

Lately, well, for the past year or so, I've been great at doing stupid things.  Like really, really dumb things.  Things that could get me into a heap of trouble.  No, not that kind of trouble.  I'm not that dumb.  The kind of trouble that ends up hurting only me.  The kind of stupid that causes me to suffer more, that causes me to hurt, that causes damage to my body.

And when I do things like that, I have such a guilty conscience, that I have no choice but to tell on myself.  It's the right thing to do.  It's the right thing to do, and if I ever want to grow past this self-loathing phase I seem to be in, it's the only thing to do.

Sometimes I don't even realize I have a secret... sometimes I've let myself get so wrapped up in the illusion that I don't even realize I've been lying to myself for days.  Not good.

I guess it's good that with my team, no secret stays secret for long.  Well, it's a good thing AND a challenge... cause with this team, there can be no secrets.  I have to keep it real, keep it honest, and keep telling on myself... 

I just hate those secrets that are so hard to tell the fist time, and then I have to repeat it enough times so that everyone is in the loop.  Guess it's a good thing I like to talk...

Here's a secret I'll share with you.
Yes, you.

When it comes to Secrets... One Republic explains em really nicely....

Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning: Take 6

No explanation needed for this one. The lyrics really say it all.

Introducing Song 6: 

Waiting For The End by Linkin Park

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got

This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear 

Count on Me

I wasn't going to mention the loss of yet another great artist.  I generally try to avoid getting wrapped up in the celebrity gossip train, but I have a soft spot for Whitney Houston's music.  One of my favorite episodes of my favorite childhood show, Kids Incorporated, was an episode that included the song How Will I Know? (It's not the greatest quality, but here's a link to the song in the episode, which is still one of my favorites!)

This weekend I wandered down memory lane a little bit.  I weeded through many childhood pictures in preparation to make a photo montage for an upcoming family celebration.  There were a TON of pictures to go through, full of memories, some good, some not so good, but all reminders of what was, and what now is.

There's a saying I've learned that talks about "going to the hardware store for bread."   I recently had to undergo a simple medical procedure that required anesthesia, which meant I needed transportation.  So I asked my parents to help me out.  Pretty simple.  I do know that this kind of help is something they are not capable of easily providing, but I asked anyway because it was the simplest route.  Sometimes simple is NOT better.

I have some great friends in my life that I can count on to be there for me when I ask.  When I ask.  That's the problem.  I really struggle to ask.  Even when they offer, I still struggle to take them up on their offer.  This weekend was a reminder that I sometimes need to actually let people help when they offer, and ask for help if they don't.

While I wish I could count on my parents for the support that parents are theoretically supposed to provide for their children, I can't.  And that's a pretty painful conclusion to arrive at.  Especially considering I've been here before, but seem to enjoy going to that hardware store for bread, and beating my head against the wall after I remember that I wasn't going to shop there anymore.

While the medical procedure was easy, working on the photo montage has been anything but.  The aftermath of the whole experience with my parents has left me feeling vulnerable and sad, not to mention lonely.  I know that there are friends I can count on, and I know that reaching out will help.  I'm just not quite there yet.  So if you offer to help me and I say no,  I won't be offended if you offer again, a little more insistently, cause sometimes it takes me a while to realize I'm worth accepting the help.

I'll leave you with this video... and the reminder that sometimes it's ok to go to the hardware store, but don't plan on picking up a loaf of bread while you're there.

Count on Me by Whitney Houston featuring CeCe Winans

Week 7: Words that Give me Meaning: Take 5

Introducing Song 5:

Who Says by Selena Gomez

It's 2012!  We made it!  What better way to kick off the new year with some meaningful words.  To be honest, when I first read the topic for Week 7 (yes, week 7 may be long past, but I warned you, I've got lots of songs in my brain!) this was actually the first song that came to mind.  I'm not sure what took so long for me to get around to it, but now is as good of a time as any!

I love, love, love the message in the song, and the title is actually a line I use a lot with my students.  Someone isn't sure they can do something, I'll reply with a "who says?"  It's too hard!  "Who says?"  I can't do it! "Who Says?"  In my head, however, the conversation is more along the self-defeating, self-destructive, negative, put-down path.  Who says I'm not perfect?  I do.  Who says I'm not beautiful, not pretty?  I do.  Who says I can't be the best at what I love?  I do.  Who says I'm not worth it?  I do.

But I don't have to.  Just give the song a listen.  Actually, give it a listen every day.  That's what I've been doing, and I think it's worth it...

(lyrics below video)

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else, hey
You made me insecure, to me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough

I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me
You got every right to a beautiful life, come on

Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?

It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whitin' out the the truth

It's like the work of art
That never get to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won't let you touch the sky

I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me
You got every right to a beautiful life, come on

Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?

Who says you're not star potential
Who says you're not presidential
Who says you can't be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me

Who says you don't pass the test
Who says you can't be the best
Who said, who said?
Would you tell me who said that, yeah
Who said

Who says, who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?

Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful, who says?

Week 7: Words that Give me Meaning - Take 4

Introducing song four:

Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback

Life can be so lonely sometimes.  I think that's why it's taking longer than I thought to get rid of my so-called "little friend."  I feel much less lonely with all the inner dialogue that goes on.  But at the same time, I know it isn't real, nor is it helpful, and it most definitely isn't what I want to end up with.  Lonely is not a place to live forever.

Right now, there aren't too many people that I let into my life... but the ones that I have let in?  There is nothing like the feeling that someone cares.  My motivation to continue on this journey stems from my desire to keep them in my life, to keep the people that care about me around as much as possible.

Like the song says, you can't give up, even when it feels like you're looking for a diamond in the rough.  I know that it's possible to still find that someone special.  I know that I don't have to go at it alone for the rest of my life.  I can't give up... One day, I'll find that somebody for me out there...

(lyrics below video)

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Week 7: Words that Give me Meaning - Take 3

Introducing song three:

Say by John Mayer

I remember the first time I heard this song, listening to it and thinking that it would be pretty darn awesome if I could speak even half of what is on my mind.  Sometimes I do feel like I'm stuck in an endless battle with my thoughts, and that the only way to end the battle is to speak... but who wants to listen to all the shadows in my head?  I don't, so why would anyone else?

Unfortunately, if you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always gotten.  And in my case, that means I'll always end up isolated and frustrated about not speaking up for myself in countless situations.  I sure don't enjoy that now, so living in silence forever doesn't sound too appealing to me!  Like John Mayer says... sometimes it's better to say too much than never say what you need to say again... just do it with a heart wide open...

 (lyrics below video)

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

Week 7: Words that Give me Meaning - Take 2

Introducing song two:

Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan

This was my life.  And on some days, it still feels like it.  I've never really been one of the crowd, yet, I'm not enough of a non-conformist to fit in with the "other" crowd either.  I'm just me.  And so often I've felt like "just me" isn't enough.  That's because I'm "just me." I get pushed around, knocked down, trampled over, taken advantage of... and this song?  Yeah.  Welcome to MY life.

But thanks to lots and lots of therapy, years of self-inflicted reflection, and my incredible support team, I've learned that my life does not have to be like this.  My life is what I choose to make it.  So while this song really did describe me for years and years, it kinda doesn't anymore.  Instead, it's now a good reminder of where I was, and of where I still sometimes visit, only to be reminded why I left in the first place.

 (lyrics below video)

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Week 7: Words that Give me Meaning - Take 1

I want to start off by saying this week's topic was another hard one, but not for the reasons you might be thinking.  See, I'm a music junkie.  Songs run through my head constantly.  I think in music.  No, I don't write my own (and good g-d don't ask me to sing!) but I listen to music almost constantly.  Including in my classroom with my students.

So the challenge for me was narrowing down my list of, oh, 30-40 possible songs that give me a lot of meaning.  I have narrowed the list down to about 8, so I think this will be part one of a series within a series.  We'll see how that goes.

For now... introducing song one: 
Mr. Know it All by Kelly Clarkson

I heard this song on the radio for the first time this past week and was totally taken by the lyrics.  Of course, when I got home, I downloaded it and have been listening to it non-stop, analyzing each line, each image... I've come to the conclusion that for me, this song is like a direct letter to my Mr. Know it All.  The one I fight with on a daily basis.  The one who thinks he knows it all.  And has been feeding me lie after lie which I ate as if they were delicious candies.

Not anymore.  Mr. Know it All is still around, but I'm trying hard not to listen to the lies anymore.  Trying to start living up to my potential to lead, choosing the right people to follow.  Trying to learn about myself so that next time Mr. Know it All knocks, I'm not even tempted to open the door.

(lyrics below video)

Mr. Know it All
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don't know a thing at all
Ain't it something y'all
When somebody tells you something bout you
Think that they know you more than you do
So you take it down another pill to swallow 

Mr. Bring Me Down
Well ya like to bring me down,
don't ya But I ain't laying down
Baby I ain't going down
Can't nobody tell m how it's gonna be
Nobody's gonna make a fool out of me
Baby you should know that I lead not follow 

(Chorus)
Oh you think that you know me
that's why I'm leaving you lonely
Cause baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
You ain't got the right to tell me
When and where to go, no right to tell me
Acting like you own me lately 
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me 

Mr. Play Your Games
Only got yourself to blame
When you want me back again
But I ain't fallin back again
Cause I'm livin' my truth without your lies
Let's be clear baby, this is goodbye I ain't comin' back tomorrow 

(Chorus) 

So what, you've got the world at your feet
And you know everything about everything
But you don't You still think I'm comin' back but baby you'll see


(Chorus) 

Mr. Know It All
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don't know a thing at all
Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me