Define Success

How do you define success?

Married?  Two kids?  White picket fence?  Labradoodle?  Salary?  Social circle?  Beauty?   Career?  Inner calm?  Physical fitness?

All of the above?

I thought I had a definition of success.  In my mind, you were successful when you reached the place where you were married, with two kids, a cozy home (not too big, not too small,) a lively and supportive social circle, a nest egg, a career that paid for everything, family vacations, a good education, and health.  One parent was always available for the kids, either due to job flexibility or being a stay at home parent.

Over time, my definition shrunk.  You were considered successful if you were married and had a family, with a nice little house and a few family vacations or stay-cations every year.  Ideally, someone was always available for the kids, and there was a stay at home parent until the kids reached school age.

From there, it further shrunk to involve a partner and a family with a supportive social circle, a safe home, and a healthy community.

All of my definitions of success involve having a family.

And here I am, in my late 30s, without one.  Single as a sliver. 

So if you ask me if I'd consider myself a success, I'd quickly reply with a definitive no.

Until tonight.

Success.  I have a great job, career, actually, that I love.  There is limitless room for growth and expansion in this career.  I am recognized as an expert in my area (which still makes me very, very uncomfortable.)  I have financial independence and security that I built for myself.  I have a home that is just right for me (even though I now want different) and in a safe area where I feel comfortable.  And despite all my health challenges of the past, I'm on a forward moving road to neutralizing my health overall, thanks to the most incredible support team in the world.

Success.  Family is not mentioned above.  Yeah, I have my brother and his wife and the peanut, whom I adore.  I get to be an aunt and enjoy the love that comes with that.  But I have no partner.  I share my house (still not quite a home) with the Pup and an aloe plant.  And I've kept that aloe plant alive for nearly three years.  Success.

Not quite what I pictured when I pictured success, but for now..... I'm working on changing my image of it.  Re-framing success, if you will.

How do you define success?

Another month says farewell

Well folks, November is coming to an end for 2012. 

Though it's a 30 day month, I swear, it has felt twice as long to me.

                                                         Highlights of the month:

• NaBloPoMo!  I loved meeting so many bloggers and their blogs - many were added to my blog list, and I'm excited to keep in touch with my new friends!
• Meeting my new best friend!  This pup has been such a joy to have.  While he hasn't fixed all my problems or lifted my depression, he sure has brought more comfort into my world.
• Making the best pie I've ever made for Thanksgiving dessert.

Lowlights of the month:

• Stupid depression.... plummeted over the last few weeks.... 
• I'm in the process of a med adjustment, which is never fun.

Finally, a brief response to NaBloPoMo's prompt for today:

Through this month's NaBloPoMo challenge, I learned that being real on my blog is actually helpful and inspiring to others.  I've been hesitant, at times, in posting how I'm *really* doing, for fear of turning away my readers.  I now see how sharing my reality, which has always been therapeutic for me, has actually connected me with complete strangers, and made me feel a lot less alone!

And that, my friends, is the end of NaBloPoMo!  

Or as Porky Pig likes to say, "That's all folks!"

Challenge 10, Part 4: Inspiration

We've all had our challenges. We've all faced our demons. We've all been through things we wish we didn't have to experience. We've all had our share of sadness, of frustration, of fear.... And somehow, if you're reading the words I've written, it means we've all survived, too.

If we've managed to survive some of the challenges, chaos, and trauma of our life before, well then, we're likely going to find a way to survive whatever else comes our way. We do not need to be reduced to our problems. We can use our problems as ways to boost up ourselves as we overcome them.

Easy work?  Hell no. Worthwhile? Hell yes.

Challenge 3, Part 2: Becoming Self Empowered

Becoming self empowered is not easy, or at least it has not been an easy journey for me. I still fear the path one must walk to become self empowered, especially as I head toward learning to speak up for myself, learning to ask for what I need, and actually giving myself what I need. Funny how that works, what we most need for ourselves, the ability to meet our own needs, something we should be empowered to do at least once we reach adulthood, is often a very hard task to accomplish!

Think about it.  Once you reach a certain age, you learn to feed yourself. Yes, the food you are given may not be a choice, but you get to feed it to yourself. I mean, how many people fawn over baby as he grasps that first fistful of Cheerios and shoves them adorably in his mouth? Same with potty training- to be free of that diaper means "I'm a big kid now."  Riding a two-wheeler. Learning to tie your shoes. Being home alone for the first time. All empowering milestones that we pass through as we grow.

For some, those milestones are celebrated and begin to instill that sense of accomplishment and pride in oneself. This can pave the way to a life where the feeling of accomplishment, of pride, comes from within. Self empowerment to the maximum level- believing in yourself, not needing external praise to know you've done well. This boost gives one the power to try new things without worry of failure.  All those little milestones along the way were sprinkled with failures, but because the successes were celebrated, the failures just became a part of the process, and not the end all self belief.

For others, that is not how their journey went. Successes weren't as frequently celebrated and failures filled the gaps between. Becoming empowered was feared, and developing a reliance on those around you (your family) was the expectation. Sure, some milestones were celebrated and many skills were learned. There was even a bit of fun sprinkled along the path. But that self confidence that grows as a result of positive experiences that are praised, and failures that are encouraged to be challenged into successes, well, that is often missing. Instead of looking at a failure and saying to yourself, as was modeled to you by your parents, "I can do it, let me try again, I know I can do it," a failure means the end. A failure means you need someone else to help, and you always will.

Which, in reality, is not true.

Because EVERYONE can become self empowered. Everyone. Doesn't matter how old you are or how lousy your life was growing up or how little you were celebrated. It IS possible to learn to lean on, to empower yourself to reach for those experiences, to learn to nourish your body, feed your soul, and love yourself. No, you might not be able to do it alone, at least not at first. Yes, it may take a long time, and you will need to have people that are walking along the path with you. And yes, at first you will need them to feed you the praise and encouragement you missed as you grew. But eventually, at least I'm told, you will no longer need the encouragement to come from those walking with you. Eventually you will be able to internalize their positive words, replace the negative tracks with positive messages, and empower yourself.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: BLISS

 June Blog Challenge Day 27: BLISS

I came up with four ways to describe bliss.  One is where I spend most of my time, but the other three, I hope one day become my reality.

Brilliantly

Living

In

Spite of

Self-doubt

Beginning to
Learn
It's
Safe to
Succeed

Born
Loving Life,
Influence
Sure
Saddened me.

Believe
Life
Is
Significant and
Special

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© MGD June 2012

 Prompt: Joy. Happiness. Bliss is real. Talk about a time you felt bliss.  Or describe the experience in an emotional sense. Maybe you have a poem that explains it well for you. Maybe you struggle with what bliss feels like. Whatever it is, tell us.