Friday, February 8, 2013

Deja What?

Have you ever had a deja vu experience?  I used to think I had them a lot and, oh, how I hated them!  I always felt like I was punched in the stomach when the moment passed.  Not to mention, the memories were never pleasant ones!  Seriously, who wants to go back and re-live painful memories?  I don't know about you, but I sure don't!  It always amazed me when people spoke of "fun" deja vu experiences.

From the time I was ten (maybe eleven, but I'm pretty sure they began around my tenth birthday) I have experienced these sort of "flashbacks" at often the most unwelcome times.  Like when I was at a friends house.  Or in the middle of a baseball game.  Or getting ready for school.  They always arrived unannounced, and always left me feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me.

I now know that these moments have been PTSD flashbacks. 

Funny thing is, though two prior therapists have told me that I have PTSD, I never believed them.  Somehow, though, my therapist explained it in a way that made sense to me.  She helped me understand what PTSD is, and how it "works," per say.  And after all these years, I now know what these moments are, and why they are not in the least bit fun.  It's not deja vu that I have experienced, it's PTSD episodes.

And this week has been full of them.

I was always very afraid of the idea of PTSD, or any sort of trauma, often cringing when the word was connected to me and my life.  It scared me to think that my history contained any traumatic experiences.  I worked hard to keep them hidden from my memory.  At least I know what is going on, and why I feel so discombobulated after each episode.  Though they last only a few moments, the effects linger for hours. 

The good news is that since we now know what is happening, we can look better at how to treat it, and to help me work through these moments.  After all, knowledge really is power!

6 comments:

  1. I am glad you are finding a way to use your knowledge to overcome the past. After all, that's what it's all about.

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    1. Thanks Tamara.... it sure has been an interesting journey. Brain overload is a frequent visitor!

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  2. Knowledge is power my dear Purple Dreamer!I adore you xx

    I am glad that you can look at some helpful ways to best help you with the effects of PTSD. I can imagine it is not too pleasant but the only way out of these episodes is to work through them. One moment and one day at a time is all you can do. and you can and you will - I am sure of this.

    As usual, I love your quotes here fellow quote lover. You are amazing - much more than you know.

    (Hugs)


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    1. Thank you my dear! I have figured out that Xanax seems to help ease the episode effects, but through is the only way out in the end. Really appreciate your kindness right now, and always, and sending some xo right back your way!

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  3. Hi there. Sending a hug your way. My husband also has PTSD. We just discovered this about 6 months ago. He has flashback memories of abuse as a baby to five yrs old. He also has Conversion Disorder where the body turns stress into physical symptoms (ex: he's been blind for a short time and every now and then his legs quit working). He is working through this and it is getting a little better. It has been a long road. I love your quotes and I think you have such good insight on life that you will make it through just fine. If you want to talk or would like to ask some questions feel free to email me. My address is the same as my name at gmail. Hang in there. You've taken the first step!

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    1. Hi Daizeefli, thanks for the note! I can not imagine the Conversion addition to PTSD, your husband... wow... that's a lot to process. I never realized the depth of PTSD, and how it can go back as far as baby-hood. Tough work, for sure. Very much appreciate the offer and compliments, and may very well take you up on that email as time goes on!

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