Tuesday, March 5, 2013

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 10

10. Did you have a turning point or a certain moment that made you decide to recover? Or was it a decision that happened over a long period of time?

I think that turning point was when my therapist told me she had gotten a call from my doctor.  They've been working together for 15+ years, and this was only the second time my therapist ever received a call from the doctor.  That's how serious things had gotten.  That's how worried my doctor was.  I had hit what I thought was rock bottom.  It was time to commit or be committed.  And I was not willing to be hospitalized.  That was out of the question in my mind.

Unfortunately, just a short week later, I landed in the hospital from passing out at work.  I had never been so appreciative of being pushed as I was at that moment.  Had I not spent the previous week working my @$$ off to bring my intake up, I'd likely have been checked in right then and there.

I think that was the time when I decided to really commit to recovery.  From there, though, it has been quite a process.  That was just over a year ago.  And here I am today.  Still working hard every day.  But stable for going on nearly five months.


  1. It is a risk to think about recovery. I find myself scared of it. What about you? I do not have an eating disorder, but do have depression related to pain and illness. I have fibromalygia and polyarthritis. Recovery is something out there in neverland. No known cure for the things that cause me pain, but I hold on and try to take my meds. Maybe one day .... I know what it is like to deal with illness and I empathasize with your journey. :) Thanks for being so open and sharing.

    1. Mary, to be honest, the thought of recovery freaked me out for the longest time. I'm talking years. Even as I worked through the beginning stages of recovery, I was still terrified. I mean, it was as if my ED was my safety net, taking care of me, keeping me stuck cause that was familiar.

      What I think has helped the most is that I have started sharing more, through the blog and online community, which helped me feel less alone and more aware. While my ED has been the focus of recovery, I also deal with depression, anxiety, and a bunch of other alphabet soup acronyms. Nothing is easy, but working toward not as painful is better than staying in pain!

      Thank YOU for reading and commenting!

  2. Oh, I enjoyed reading your post and the visual is absolutely awesome. I need to show that to my daughter. I have a bunch of alphabet soupyness in my life as well.

    Love how NaBloPoMo brings folks together!

    1. Alphabet soup sure makes things interesting! And yes, I love the community building aspect of NaBloPoMo!


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