25. What has recovery given you?
It's given me the opportunity to learn how to take care of myself. I never really knew how to take care of myself, meet my own needs, before. The eating disorder controlled me for more than half my life. I was such a people pleaser, a peacemaker, a caregiver - always trying to make sure everyone else's needs were met..... and I did that all at the expense of my own needs, of my own care. I ended up sacrificing my own well-being to help others. All part of my issues.
My team helped me to see that part of recovery means that I start taking care of myself. Start speaking up for myself. Start putting myself on the list (and eventually, at the top of the list) so that I don't burn myself out. So that I don't need to "medicate" with eating disordered behaviors. Because I was so low in my disease, I had no choice but to ask for help, and it's through recovery that I learned how to ask and accept support.
Oddly, I guess that I could say this has all been a blessing disguised as living hell. Cause it has been through the recovery process that I am finally learning to take care of myself, something that I should have been learning all my life......