Tuesday, March 12, 2013

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 17

17. What do you want your life to look like when you’re recovered? What are some life goals you have that you think you could only accomplish if you recover?

Wow.  This one has me stumped.  I don't know what my life will look like when I recover from this eating disorder.  Thus far the ed has complicated things, but at the same time it was covering other things, keeping them in check for me.  Once the ed is gone....

I imagine that it will be a lot easier to eat.  Though I am making my goal nearly every day, every bite is still an effort, requiring way too much thinking.  I hope that it will lead to being slightly more adventurous in food so that I can expand my safe foods list.  Ideally, once I'm recovered I will no longer care about the number on the scale.  It will no longer hold any power over me.  Nor will the number on the tag.

There is only one goal that I think the ed is keeping me from achieving.  The goal of liking myself.  Accepting myself.  Treating myself kindly.  Once Ed is gone, I'm hoping that his cronies depression and anxiety will finally relent and leave me to be truly comfortable with who I am.

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So? What do you think?