Week 18: Best Recovery Advice

The best recovery advice I've been given?  Simple.

You CAN do this.  Take one bite at a time.

It sounds trite and condescending.  But it isn't.  Because unless I eat, my brain will never be able to be coherent enough to process the other side of ed, the mental side.  I need to nourish my body so that I can work on recovering my mind.

How am I able to do that?

I don't do it for me.  I don't eat for myself.  I eat because I know if I don't, my team will not be able to help me, and I'll lose them.  I can't lose them.  They are the reason, at least for now, that I am working my @$$ off to eat and to beat this "issue."

More helpful words from my team, who have been my constant cheerleaders and guides on this journey...

Acceptance is the hardest part.  When you do- then you know who and what you are fighting. (8/3/11)

The emotions are there because you need to move forward dealing with them instead of using ED to handle things.  You have the skills, ability intelligence and drive to win this battle.  Don't quit. (11/1/11)

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: COMMUNITY

 June Blog Challenge Day 30: COMMUNITY
 

Merriam-Webster defines community as a unified body of individuals.  If you would have asked me a month ago which unified body of individuals I belong to, I would have given you the standard answers - the city in which I live and the school and district in which I work.  The only two real life communities I feel connected to.  I am a part of three online communities that have been very supportive, as well.  But that's it. 

I have never felt I belong anywhere but by myself.  From childhood through college, my community has never been consistent, as I never was able to fit in with any one group.  I became a part of the community that was my focus at the time, almost like a chameleon, but it was never a perfect fit, there was always something a little off, I never truly fit in.  I am not in contact with most of my childhood friends, as my siblings are.  I have few friends, but the few I have are wonderful people whom I cherish very much.  Even with my friends, though, each belongs to a different part of my world, and rarely do all my friends interact within the same community.  I just figured that's how my life was supposed to be - I am one of those people who is independent enough to withstand the life of a loner.

This blog challenge has really opened my eyes to the power of virtual communities.  Just because I don't know everyone in this challenge face-to-face, doesn't mean that we aren't a part of the same community, doesn't mean I don't know you all.  It's just a different kind of community, one, I'm guessing, that 30 years ago, no one thought would be possible.  The internet has opened the world to loaners like me, so that we can finally find a community in which we fit. 
My first foray into the virtual community world was because of recovery.  This blog was born through a wonderful online recovery community project.  I have yet to meet any of my virtual friends face to face, but that doesn't make them any less special.  I so appreciate each comment left on my blog, and am honored to leave comments for others.  Reading others thoughts, hearing their stories, it's a treat to get a peek into your worlds, your minds.  I feel a sense of belonging that I have lacked for much of my life. I have grown through this project in a way I never anticipated.  Community, as it turns out, like life, is what you make it.  And everyone reading this blog, everyone that I have met, ultimately helps me grow as a person, and plays a role in shaping my community.  For that, I thank you.

Prompt: To end, I chose the word “community” because that’s what these blogger challenges are about. What does community mean to you? How does it fit into your life? Into your health? Into your recovery? Or how does it relate to blogging? Or family? Share with us what it means for you.

Week 19: Favorite Time of Year

My favorite time of year has got to be Fall... or maybe Spring.... that's a tough one.  I'm going to do what I tell my students never to do - I'm not going to pick just one answer.  I'm just glad I live in a place where we have four distinct seasons, each with their own gifts.

Autumn 2011

I love fall, or autumn, depending on your word choice.  I love the crispness in the air, how the world smells just a little different, at least where Iive.  You can smell the leaves changing color as much as you enjoy the beauty of them.  The cider mills open, and there is nothing like fresh pressed, unpasteurized, apple cider.  Caramel apples, spiced cider, pumpkin pie... all delicious gifts of fall.  Usually the weather is pretty cooperative, too.  Just right for capris and long sleeves with a comfy vest.  Still warm enough to be out without a jacket, but not so warm that you're sweating your socks off.  There is something special about the crunch of fallen leaves on a peaceful walk in the fall.  It truly is my favorite season to wander the world.

Spring 2012

Now, I also enjoy spring.  Spring is the season of renewal, of hope, of new growth.  I love watching the apple blossoms burst through the buds on the branches of the trees in my yard.  I like seeing the flowers peeking out from the earth, stretching their way toward the cloudless blue sky.  Peeling off the layers of winter gear, it feels so nice to be outside without the heaviness of a jacket and hat and scarf.  Fresh fruits fill the fridge to top my breakfast cereal and snack on.  The spring walks lend themselves to pictures of baby animals scurrying about to explore their new world.  The air smells fresh and clean after the chill of winter.  Everything gets to start fresh in the spring.

This is one of those times where I'd definitely not get a passing grade on my paper, since I was asked to choose my favorite time of year.  I'd likely get good marks for creativity and word choice, but for following the directions?  This time I'll just have to accept the low score!

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: MYSTERY

June Blog Challenge Day 29: MYSTERY

It's likely no surprise that I am not a big fan of mystery.  Anything unknown scares the bejeebers out of me.  When I'm watching a movie, I'll often mute it or change the channel when the suspense gets to be too much for me to handle.  Even if it's an episode of a television show that I've seen many times before, and actually know the outcome, when it gets to *that* part, where the mystery has built and is at the turning point, I'll still change the channel, even though I know what's going to happen!

Interestingly, there is one kind of mystery I don't mind at all... it's the one I'm in control of.  Like when I'm reading aloud to my students and drop my voice, the room grows eerily silent as they hang on every word... and when I stop reading and close the book on a cliff hanger?  It's like being in an athletic stadium when your favorite team scores.  The kids loudly complain and beg for just a few more pages.  That kind of mystery?  I love.  I know what is happening and where things are heading, so I can handle it.

If you've read previous posts on my blog, you know that I am definitely one who prefers structure and planning, and am not good with spontaneous happenings.  I think that's why I have never really enjoyed reading mystery books, either.  I get really, really anxious while I'm reading. I mean, I've read the entire Harry Potter series multiple times, and know how it all ends, yet... if I read any book beyond book 4 before bed, it gives me terrible nightmares. 

So, to sum up a rather rambly post, while I appreciate the mystery of life, I prefer a little less mystery in my life.  I wish that things were just a little more transparent sometimes, and a little less scary.... then again, maybe things are quite transparent, and my vision is still rather clouded.  Hmmm.  Guess it really is all about perspective!

 Prompt: Does life hold mystery for you?  Do you wish it did? Does mystery scare you? Thrill you? Is it good, bad, or do you feel indifferent towards it?

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: TRAVEL

June Blog Challenge Day 28: Travel

View from above...

When I was younger, travel was rare.  The state in which I live has some great places to take "staycations" but even those were few and far between.  We usually just did day trips.  Once I hit junior high, we were "old enough" to visit my grandparents who spent the winter months in Mexico.  Those trips sound like they would be fantastic, right?  Well, I would say that four-fifths of my immediate family enjoyed the trips (yes, we went for a few visits over the years) and one-fifth didn't.  You may be able to guess which fifth didn't.

My favorite Mexican Retreat!

As I got older and entered the employment world (which at that age, was babysitting!) I sat for a few families that took me with them to babysit on trips, which led me to Florida and Chicago.  It also opened my eyes to the world outside of my home town.  I loved getting to pretend I was part of their families (even though I was the nanny) and live in a world that was so different from mine, even for just a few weeks.

Once I "grew up" (using that term loosely) I visited a few more states traveling for yoga workshops and retreats.  Again, I was lucky to travel as an employee of the yoga studio, which is the only way I was able to afford such travels.

The Santa Monica Pier

The biggest moment for me came when I ventured, for the first time EVER, out on my own, and flew to the east coast for a yoga workshop.  It was my first time traveling alone, my first time staying in a dorm, my first time staying with a roommate... a lot of first times in that trip, including the first time I took the risk to assert myself, which resulted in an amazing friendship with someone who I consider one of my closest friends.  That one week workshop led to several summers visiting this friend, spending 3-5 weeks living with her family and helping her with various tasks.  The experience of traveling solo, on such a scary and unknown adventure, led to such a sweet experience...

Millie's Secret Place... FAVORITE book ever!

Honestly though?  I'm really a home-body.  For me, as much as I enjoyed my yoga trips, and love visiting my friend, my favorite method of travel is in my mind.  I love revisiting old friends, heading to Millie's secret hiding place, the banks of Plum Creek, the Moonshadow Campground, Forks, Diagon Alley, the city of Ember, Narnia, Prince Edward Island, and even Assateague Island... books were my favorite method of transportation, and hold many of my most cherished memories.

A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.

--Tim Cahill 

Prompt: This can refer to an actual trip (or many trips) to other countries. Maybe to other cities. Maybe it’s a figurative journey you’ve taken in your life at some point. Maybe it’s the journey of motherhood or a career traveling. Maybe you have dreams to travel that are driving you to your goals.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: BLISS

 June Blog Challenge Day 27: BLISS

I came up with four ways to describe bliss.  One is where I spend most of my time, but the other three, I hope one day become my reality.

Brilliantly

Living

In

Spite of

Self-doubt

Beginning to
Learn
It's
Safe to
Succeed

Born
Loving Life,
Influence
Sure
Saddened me.

Believe
Life
Is
Significant and
Special

-->

© MGD June 2012

 Prompt: Joy. Happiness. Bliss is real. Talk about a time you felt bliss.  Or describe the experience in an emotional sense. Maybe you have a poem that explains it well for you. Maybe you struggle with what bliss feels like. Whatever it is, tell us.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: PURPOSE

June Blog Challenge Day 26: PURPOSE

I consider myself lucky.  I know that my purpose is to teach.  I've wanted to be a teacher since I was nine years old.  Yes, once I got to college it took me a few changes of major before I remembered my original purpose, but I made it.  I have been in the classroom for ten years now, and while some years are more challenging than others, I can still say that I *love* what I do.  I really, really do.  I can't imagine doing anything else.

I think you can really tell when people have found their purpose, or their calling.  I work with several other teachers who you can tell this is it.  They too, were meant to be teachers.  My doctor is the same way.  You can tell she really enjoys her career choice by the way she interacts with you.  It's really refreshing, especially considering all the negative talk out there about doctors who don't care.  My therapist is the same way.  You can tell that this is what she was meant to do.  I've worked with a lot of therapists in the past, but none have had the same passion that she has.  My whole team is pretty incredible, and I am very lucky to have them.

Some people were born leaders.  Some people were born athletes.  I think that when it comes to purpose, it's important to remember that everyone has a different one, and there is a value in every purpose.  I appreciate the electricians, auto mechanics, plumbers, carpenters, custodians... everyone who is helping the world by what they do. 

No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.

- unknown -

Prompt: Do you know your purpose? What does purpose mean in your eyes? Do you admire the purpose of certain others?

One. More. Week.

One week.  Just one more week until my dietitian is back.  Six days, actually.  I.  Can't.  Wait.  I am still a little nervous, and that feels kind of strange.  I mean, I've been looking forward to this for four months.  111 days.  And now there's only six days left to wait.  Six days.  What was such a painful farewell, and a tear-filled few weeks afterward... I survived.  I've just about made it.
Funny thing... I wanted to not like her fill-in, who is now going to stay on as part of my dietitian's staff.  I actually wanted to just stop seeing a dietitian all together while mine was on leave.  Turns out that my temporary one was pretty cool.  I actually ended up enjoying working with her.  She's not *my* dietitian, (no one can fill her shoes) but she did a really nice job dealing with me, and more than that... I know that she cares, not only about doing a good job, but she cares in general. And what started out dreadful and draining (at least from my perspective) ended up to be a positive, growth-filled, learning experience that I actually didn't mind.

It's kind of nice that she is sticking around and will be a part of the staff, too.  It means that next time my dietitian goes on vacation or is out of the office, she will be able to fill in.  And this time, I won't be as anxious, miserable, and apprehensive cause I already know her, and I already like her!

I still can't wait till next Monday, though.... six days.  Approximately 155 hours... Boy have I missed her.  And yes, I will likely be incredibly emotional, at least for the first few minutes.  I mean, it'll have been 117 days between... well, I just hope it stays in my head!

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, 

and for everything you gain, you lose something else.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Week 18: Affirmations

Affirmations.  Yuck.  I find them so silly.  I mean, I feel ridiculous talking to myself, telling myself things I don't believe.  It sounds way to hokey for me.

On the other hand, I don't seem to find it silly when I talk to myself other times, like when I get mad at myself for making a mistake.  Or when I beat myself up mentally because of some silly thing.

I can talk to myself when I am beating the crap out of me, but I can't talk to myself positively?  Great.  How bass-akward is that?!

(A little game for you... I do believe one of the above affirmations to be true, 

at least for me, but I believe the other one to be false, at least for me.  Can you figure out which is which?

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: FORGIVENESS

June Blog Challenge Day 25: FORGIVENESS

I have been (trying to) participate in another blog project, which was actually the impetus for this blog in the first place.  Weekly prompts (of which I am rather far behind) have addressed all sorts of topics, similar to the June blogger challenge.




As it would so happen, I wrote about forgiveness back in March.  Here's a link to that post.  Not a whole lot has changed in my world of forgiveness.  My therapist and I still discuss the topic of self-hatred/self-care pretty regularly.  I'd say I'm an inch closer than where I was back in March?  Maybe?

Forgiveness is such an important trait to have, 

it makes things a little less painful, 

even though the process of forgiveness

 may be a painful journey in itself.

Prompt: Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you are struggling to forgive another. Maybe forgiveness feels forced. Maybe you don’t understand it.  Maybe it is religious or faith based when you consider. Maybe it’s a lesson you have not yet learned. Talk about it in your own words.

Arielle's Word of the Day: FACE

June Blog Challenge Day 24: FACE

I wrote a poem a little over a year ago called Who do you see? that was all about what I believe others see in my face verses what I see.  At that point, I was still in denial that food was any part of my problems and was in a pretty painful place at the time.  I've been surprised at how many times poems have appeared in my journal.  They seem to flow on their own accord.  What I see on the screen when I pause has often been startling, if only because it's brutally honest.  I'd like to say that the pain behind this poem is no longer there, but that wouldn't be honest.  I planned to share it in this post, and have it saved separately, in case I change my mind, but for now, I am just not ready to let other eyes linger over the words.

Instead, here is an image that I think fits rather well.  I tend to view my body, especially my face, with very skewed perception.  Of my whole body, my face is what I like the least. After 30 some years on this planet, you'd think I'd be used to the reflection in the mirror by now!  Every once in a while, a special occasion comes along and I actually get hair and makeup done.  When that happens, and I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the person staring back at me.  That person is pretty.  That person fits in with society's expectations of what women should look like.  My every day face?  It just takes too much work to make it look socially acceptable.  And sometimes I'd rather just stay home than make the effort to get ready to be seen in public.

I really do hope that one day, I can see myself as others do.

Prompt: Just as we all have soul, we all have a face. What do you see when you look into your own eyes? Or maybe the word “face” conjures up a visual of another who has been kind to you, or mean to you. Let your mind go free and let the word “face” tell you what to share today.

Week 17: Goals

Goals.  Ugh.  So not something like to think about for myself.  I always have goals for my students, and they usually reach them, too.  I guess it's a little easier to think about goals in chunks:

1.  Immediate goals - accomplished in the next two-three weeks
2.  Short term goals - accomplished in the next two-three months
3.  Long term goals - accomplished in the next 12-18 months
4.  Life time goals - accomplished sometime in this lifetime
5.  Ongoing goals - working on creating new habits one day at a time

With that in mind, I will attempt to proceed with this post.

1.  Immediate goals - get my house cleaned up, get orders for school completed and submitted, get a new vacuum cleaner, survive the next ten days without my team

2.  Short term goals - paint my kitchen cabinets, get my windshield replaced, complete my summer project for school, reduce therapy to twice a week, reduce nutritionist visits to every other week

3.  Long term goals - reduce nutritionist visits to monthly check ins, get my anxiety in check, learn to meal plan, learn to be kinder to myself

4.  Life time goals - get to the root cause of my anxiety, reduce therapy to once a week, become comfortable in my own skin, start a family

5.  Ongoing goals - stay better hydrated, maintain a healthy weight, build healthy eating habits, strive to always do my best at work, and in life...

That should keep me busy for a while, dontcha think?

Week 16: Giving

I consider myself a very giving person.  Or at least I've been told I'm a very giving person.  All I know is I much rather prefer to give than to receive.  I'm not good at receiving.  Unless, of course, it's criticism!

One of my favorite things to do is surprise someone with a gift - whether it's a small token from the dollar store that made me think of them, or it's a homemade batch of their favorite cookies, or if it's a regular old store bought gift.  Sometimes a simple compliment lights up peoples faces.  I love bringing smiles to other people.

The balance, I believe, comes in the motive.  If my motive for giving is to make someone smile, great.  If my motive for giving is to make myself stand out so I am more special, not so great.  If my motive for not wanting people to give to me is because I already have all that I need, great.  If my motive for not wanting people to give to me is because I feel unworthy, not so great.

I have been reminded, quite a few times, actually, that the good feeling I get from giving, comes from the giving itself.  Which means, if I want other people to be able to feel that same good feeling.... well.... I have to let people give to me, too.  I hate that logic, but it does make sense.  If only being on the receiving end wasn't so darn uncomfortable!  

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: SOUL

June Blog Challenge Day 23: SOUL

I am at a loss of words when it comes to the word for today.  Looking into the depths of my soul is not something I am able to do yet.  Instead, I'm borrowing the words of others.  Each of the quotes speak to me, to my soul, so while they aren't my words, they are filling in for the time being.

Thank you to the great minds who originally spoke these words.  In doing so, you shared a little bit of your soul, and inspired mine.

Prompt: We all have a soul. Sometimes it can be hard to reach. Sometimes our soul is what keeps us grounded.  Sometimes it’s what keeps us afraid. Sometimes we can’t find it. Talk about your soul.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: HOME

June Blog Challenge Day 22: HOME

This is quite a timely word for me, as my sister comes home for a visit today!  She lives overseas and doesn't get to come home all that often, so it will be nice to have her in town for a whole month!

The idea of home is a touchy subject.  Growing up, I felt at home in my bedroom.  It was my place.  The only place I could escape to and feel (somewhat) safe to do as I pleased.  I loved my bedroom.  I cried when I moved out of my parents house, only because I would miss my room.

I was involved with horses from the time I was 11 until my mid-20s, and I always felt at home around horses.  My first horse was my best, best, BEST friend, and I could tell him anything.  I was even known to sleep in his stall when we were away at horse shows, just because it felt so safe there, with him watching over me while I slept.  To this day, I attribute my survival to my horse, cause without him, I would not have made it through my turbulent adolescence and teenage years.

My current home, a small little apartment, is just the right size for one.  It isn't my dream home, but it is mine, and it give me a place to live, with a roof over my head and three locks, so I'm pretty safe here.

In all reality, though, home is just a word.  I say that because until I truly feel at home in my body, it won't matter where I am, I'll always feel somewhat like an outsider. I know it is going to take a lot of work to change that, and I hope I'm up for the challenge!

Prompt: What is home? A place? A person? Have you ever felt at home? Have you worked hard to create your own home? Is it a place inside you or a place you’ve built around you and your family? Get to the deeper meaning. Post a picture of your “home” if that’s easier to describe your feelings.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: FIGHT

June Blog Challenge Day 21: FIGHT

I am involved in an ongoing fight that I call the battle between my heart and my brain.  My heart plays the emotion department cards, while my brain pulls out all the stops in the logic arena, and it is never a fair fight.  When it comes to work and school and others, my logical brain generally wins.  When it comes to me, to my body?  My emotional heart wins, hands down.  Doesn't matter how much logic my brain throws out there, or how much that logic makes sense, the emotions always win. 

Outside of my head, I'm not a very confrontational person (and if you ask my therapist, she'll probably say that I'm not one to confront myself, either!)  I don't like to make waves.  I don't like to argue (unless you are my parents....) because rarely can I keep my emotions in check, and as I said before, no matter what is going on - happy or angry or excited, my response is to cry.  Therefore, I try to avoid arguing all together.  I can't yet speak up, even to myself.  The negative, mean spirited voice always takes over, and resist as I might, it always wins.

Through the work I've been doing with my team, I'm learning what it feels like to have someone fight for me.  To have someone value me enough to fight with me (figuratively, of course) about the importance of taking care of myself.  I finally have something worth fighting for - fighting myself and my behaviors in order to keep my team.  Ultimately, the goal is to fight for myself because I'm worth it.  But for now, I'm fighting for myself because my team is worth it.  Without them, there'd be no point in fighting at all.

I know that somewhere, buried deep inside of me, is a person who wants to recover, who wants to be healthy, who wants to be happy. Otherwise, I would have given up the fight a long time ago.

Prompt: You can talk about the fight through recovery, for your life.  You can talk about a fight you’ve had with someone. With yourself. You can talk about fear of fighting with others, the inclination to be reserved and avoid confrontation. The word “fight” can hold so many different meanings depending on how you look at it.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: COMPLIMENT

June Blog Challenge Day 20: COMPLIMENT

This is another hard word for me to write about.  I take compliments like they are poison designed to slowly destroy me.  Compliments were always a butter-me-up then break-me-down experience.

Compliments make me cringe.  They make my heart pound wildly as if I've done something wrong.  Compliments do NOT feel good to me.  You'd think that after as many years as I've been in the classroom, and as many times parents have complimented me for my work with their children, I'd be better able to accept compliments.  Nope.

Article: Accepting Compliments

At one point, I was asked to keep a compliment log, and write down the good things and compliments people gave me.  I know the intent was to help me learn to see compliments as positive statements and not murderous words, but I'm telling you, keeping that log was torture!

However, I do have a coping mechanism that I try to follow... try being the key word there.  It doesn't always work.  My automatic response to a compliment is to rebuff it and compliment the compliment giver.  Instead, what I've been taught to try is telling the compliment giver a simple "thank you" and in my head, tell myself accepting this compliment won't kill me.  It may sound funny, but that's what I feel like - if I accept a compliment it's just going to turn around and hurt me.

As luck would have it, a blogger I follow tweeted an article yesterday called Accepting Compliments.  That's where this image comes from.  The article, though short, was quite powerful.  Here, take a peek and see if it resonates with you... (The link has been crabby, so if it doesn't work right away, try this one.)

Prompt: A compliment can be a difficult thing. Sometimes it’s foreign.  Sometimes it’s a masked insult. Sometimes we don’t know how to compliment ourselves. What power does a compliment hold for you? What role have compliments played in your life?

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: TEARS

June Blog Challenge Day 19: TEARS

Tears

Why do I cry?

The constant threat
of tears

is getting old.
Fast. 

If tears are what

make rainbows

in our eyes

my world should be

filled

with color. 

Yet I often

choose

to live within the

extremes.
Black

or

white.

I want

a world

full of color.

I just wish
I could find it

with a 

few

less

tears.

© MGD, June 2012

I cry a lot.  Every emotion elicits tears - sadness, happiness, anger, excitement... The emotions have been plentiful the past few weeks, and this poem was written after a rather intense conversation one day last week.  I need frequent reminders that there really is a world full of colorful options, and I don't have to stick with extremes.  It's a good thing for me to be reminded of regularly, maybe one day soon I'll remember that my favorite color is purple, and not black or white.

Prompt: Tears can be healthy. Tears can be reminders of things past. Tears can be freeing. Beautiful. Tears can be a release. What do tears mean for you? Do you cry a lot? Not at all? What is it that makes you cry? Consider what feels right for you for this prompt.

Numbers: Take 2

I saw a number today that I didn't like.  

I didn't like it at all.

A few months ago, I saw this same number (it was slightly different at the time) but the way in which I saw it didn't upset me, at least not much, and definitely not enough for me to blog about it like I did the first time I saw the number back in February (which I wrote about here.)  Today, though, I had a similar reaction to the February situation.  The number sent me through the roof, evoking an all out internal war.

I try... I have been trying, not to think about that number at all.  I've definitely been trying not to give it any more power over me.  Some days are more successful than others, but over the past five or six weeks, I have been rather successful in not letting that number take up residence in my thoughts.

Until today.

Today, at the doctor's office, the nurse was careless.  Today, the nurse seemed to be somewhat unaware of my situation (I say somewhat because she did know enough to have me get in a gown first, but she did so with not all that much tact - ok, with no tact - whatsoever.)  Today, I was so unprepared for this situation to arise, especially considering it's a monthly appointment with this same doctor, whom I really like, and the same routine happens every time, that it really stunned me, and quite frankly, really upset me, too.

Sometimes things work out in for the best, even if it wasn't planned that way.  I left this appointment a complete wreck, fighting tears, determined to "fix" things in regards to the number, no matter what the cost.  I had to head to another appointment from there, so I tried not to get too worked up before heading in to that one.  This appointment, though, was a gift.  I was able to let go of the number, let go of the whole situation, and look at it through a different lens.  By the time I left appointment number three (I had one other in the morning, uneventful and not worth mentioning) I felt calm, contained, and much more able to positively move forward without inflicting any damage on my already over-taxed body and mind.  Thank g-d for my amazing therapist!  Thank g-d for small miracles!

Now, the challenge is to continue on the course in which I was prior to seeing that number this afternoon.  Can I do it?  I'm not sure, but I'll sure be giving it a try!

Two Weeks

My nutritionist, who has been on maternity leave for three months and three weeks, will be back in TWO weeks.  In exactly two weeks, I'll be getting ready to head out to my appointment to see her.  In exactly two weeks.... I can't believe I've nearly made it through her leave!

I'm SO excited....  I've never been in a position where I missed someone like this before.  Ironically, I'm actually kinda nervous, too...

But I still can't wait.  Two more weeks!

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: LAUGHTER

June Blog Challenge Day 18: LAUGHTER

I love Calvin and Hobbes.  They never fail to make me smile!

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a total quote junkie.  Meaningful, serious, inspirational, emotional, motivational, and yes, even hysterical - I collect them all.  The quotes I picked for this make me smile, and smiles more often than not lead to laughter.  And laughter is always the best medicine for everything, right?

Prompt: Do you have a photo that embodies laughter you can share? Maybe it’s of you, your kids, or a drawing.  Maybe you have forgotten how to laugh.  Maybe laughter is what gets you through the hard times. Share your laughter with us.