June Blog Challenge Day 17: END
I am not a fan of most endings. They are usually rather sad and emotional for me, and lately, it's hard to keep my emotions in check.
Take the end of the school year, for example. I always, always cry. Never fails. Even the year I was moving up with my students, I still cried on the last day of school. Even the year I couldn't wait for the school year to end, I still cried.
I think back to the end of undergrad. I was so in denial that it was over, I almost dropped out, and I didn't attend graduation ceremonies. I just couldn't face the end of what I considered my youth. High school graduation was even worse - I was a blubbering mess of tears much of the day. I even went back to school after graduation, and attended my favorite classes till the last day of school, even though I didn't have to. Talk about holding on to the past.....
I equate endings with sadness. All endings but one.
I look forward to the day when I end my relationship with the self-destructive behaviors and intrusive, unhelpful, thoughts filled with self-hatred. I look forward to the day where I end the internal attack on my self. I look forward to the day when I am no longer my own worst enemy. I look forward to the day I leave behind the self-inflicted misery of my inner-life, and step into the endless possibilities that await in the outside world. It will happen. I know it will.
Prompt: Can you remember the end of an era in your life that was important to you? Was the end sad? Liberating? What is it like to end your disorder? What is it like to realize that for every end there is a new beginning?