June Blog Challenge Day 12: CROWD
I have two siblings, both younger. They both love being around people. They love being the center of attention. In fact, I actually kind of enjoy watching them when they're in their element, because they really do shine!
Me? People? Not so much. I don't enjoy being in crowded places. I actually avoid situations where I know there will be lots of people. One year, I had a last minute gift to pick up from the mall at the holiday time. My least favorite time to shop (yes, I'm one of those people who usually has my holiday shopping done by Halloween, if only to avoid the crowds!) I actually spent like $15 on valet just so I didn't have to walk through the crowded parking lot, and instead could pull up right to the door of the mall nearest the store I needed, ran in, got what I needed, and ran out. Parking that day cost me more than $1 a minute.
I know I'm not alone when I say this... but it doesn't matter how big of a crowd I'm in, I always feel alone. Mind you, I don't consider myself to be very lonely, I'm just really good at being alone. Even when surrounded by lots of people. Yes, I have a lot of anxiety which is worsened when it's crowded. But I think it's more that my head has always been so crowded with my thoughts, that there has never been much room for other people. I'm so self-conscious and acutely aware of just how different I am, I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin, I don't know how to be comfortable around others. Yet.
The nice thing is that I'm learning to deal with my anxiety, and with the constant stream of thoughts that are never in short supply. Maybe one day I won't mind crowds. Maybe it's something I'll live with for the rest of my life. But I don't have to make that decision right now, my head is too crowded with other things!
Prompt: Do you like crowds? Hate them? Do you feel happy in a crowd or alone? Does a crowd cause anxiety? Why do you think this is? Let your mind open when you see this word and go from there.