Day 28: Pictures. Just Pictures

Day 28 Prompt: Only pictures.

Day 17: Me

This post feels a little exposing, as I've never put a picture of me on the blog before....

I actually really like this picture of me, which is rare.  (Both that I like the photo, and that I'm in a photo are rare, actually!)

It was taken on a beautiful spring day, the sky was a brilliant blue.  A nearby playground was beckoning me to come play.  I found myself on the swings, just enjoying the breeze, the sky, and the moments of carefree bliss....


Day 17 Prompt: A favorite photo of yourself and why.

30 Day Recovery Challenge: Day 11

11. What are some enjoyable activities you do which are unrelated to your eating disorder, but help you to cope and feel positive?

This is a tough one, but only because I've been dealing with some pretty intense anxiety and depression, which clouds enjoyment.  When I'm not in the wrath of depression, though...

I love photography.  I love taking pictures of nature, of kids, of animals, of happiness, of whatever the lens catches.  I currently do not have much of a camera, and I promised myself that when I am officially recovered, my gift to myself will be a good camera.

I also enjoy playing with simple graphic design and video editing.  It's fun taking a blank screen and creating something that makes people smile.  Same with video editing - putting together moments, intermixed with photos, add in a little music - I really enjoy the process, and more than that, I like when people enjoy what's been put together.

Those are definitely my two favorite things to do.  I also do enjoy writing, knitting, swimming, chocolate, snuggling with my Pup, and cooking with my BFFs.  Or, more like, I enjoy watching them cook :)

(Oh, and I love to collect quotes.... if you couldn't tell!)

Challenge 17: Radu Voinea

Image courtesy of Radu Voinea

This week's Image Inspiration comes from photographer Radu Voinea.  As I've done for the last few weeks.... I've sought out images that are striking to me, and this one really hit well as it speaks to the season, which is one of my favorites.

I want to step into my monitor, and right into this scene.  My nostrils dance with the cripsness of the autumn air.  My ears are serenaded by the crisp crunch of the fallen leaves.  My feet almost glide over the slippery texture of the moist, fallen leaves.  The fall mist that is sprinkling washes the day away....

I want a good book, a waterproof cushion, and a thermos of warm cider as I sit on a bench, under my red umbrella, enjoying the best that autumn has to offer.

P.S.  I just saw that this is my 222 post!  You know how I love numbers, so I couldn't resist marking this milestone in my blogging world!

Challenge 16, Part 2

Image by Murat Suyur

Another intriguing photo that literally jumped off the screen and into my mind.  I'm often drawn to the light bulb concept in general.  I love how the light bulb has transformed the world, literally and figuratively.

For example, without the light bulb, we'd be living with candle light for always.  Obvious, yes, but less obvious is that many say the light bulb is the invention that revolutionized the world.

Which is the less obvious reason that it sticks with me so strongly.  The light bulb represents ideas, ideas of all kinds.  It also represents thinking.  This image, complete with the "old" light in the candle flame, and the "new" light of the bulb, may in essence be two different things, but in reality, it's connecting ideas from past and present, in a way that I hadn't seen before.  In other words, it's shedding light on today while paying homage to the past.

What's this got to do with anything, you ask?  Well, I'm in the process of opening the doors of my past, visiting old pains and hurts, and attempting to make peace in an effort to move forward a little lighter (pun intended!)  No easy task, excruciating, at times.  Then again, being burned by a candle is painful, and it was not easy to invent the light bulb, either...

Challenge 16, Part 1: Murat Suyur

Image by Murat Suyur

This week's Image Inspiration comes from photographer Murat Suyur, another multifaceted artist.  I chose this piece to start with because I'm a big baseball fan, and I found myself drawn to the image. 

On the one hand, balloons are a childhood whimsy, fun, light, and full of laughter.  On the other hand, a baseball is hard, fast, and sometimes, if hit the wrong way, it really stings.

Putting the two together creates a mental tug-of-war in my brain (nothing new, actually!) that leaves me wondering....

What's that?  You too are left wondering?

Challenge 14, Part 2: A Swing and A Bear

Photo by Andre Arment

When we are children we seldom think of the future.  

This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can.  

The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind. 

--Patrick Rothfuss--

Challenge 13, Part 3: Shelter

Image by Julie De Waroquier

This week's blog challenge offered several different images from which we could choose, and then share our interpretation of the image.  It's been interesting for me to read about everyone's different perspective on the images! The photographer was completely new to me, and I've become quite taken with several of her pieces.  If you haven't heard of Julie De Waroquier, I encourage you to take a peek at this French photographer's site.

The image above is called Shelter, and it is probably my second favorite to the tree image.  I found myself often taking shelter from the world in the pages of a book.  To this day, I still find shelter within the pages of books (well, books unrelated to work!) as it is so comforting to get lost in a world where you know everything is already taken care of, and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride.

There is something safe about taking shelter in a book, about how it protects my mind from my own intrusive thoughts, at least while I'm within the pages of the story.  Something about how my world is calmer, as I'm lost in the story, instead of lost in my real, somewhat frightening world.  One can take the literal term for shelter from this image, but one can also take that figurative route, and be distracted by the comfort and security within another's words, instead of the tragic and traumatic words of our on minds......

Week 19: Favorite Time of Year

My favorite time of year has got to be Fall... or maybe Spring.... that's a tough one.  I'm going to do what I tell my students never to do - I'm not going to pick just one answer.  I'm just glad I live in a place where we have four distinct seasons, each with their own gifts.

Autumn 2011

I love fall, or autumn, depending on your word choice.  I love the crispness in the air, how the world smells just a little different, at least where Iive.  You can smell the leaves changing color as much as you enjoy the beauty of them.  The cider mills open, and there is nothing like fresh pressed, unpasteurized, apple cider.  Caramel apples, spiced cider, pumpkin pie... all delicious gifts of fall.  Usually the weather is pretty cooperative, too.  Just right for capris and long sleeves with a comfy vest.  Still warm enough to be out without a jacket, but not so warm that you're sweating your socks off.  There is something special about the crunch of fallen leaves on a peaceful walk in the fall.  It truly is my favorite season to wander the world.

Spring 2012

Now, I also enjoy spring.  Spring is the season of renewal, of hope, of new growth.  I love watching the apple blossoms burst through the buds on the branches of the trees in my yard.  I like seeing the flowers peeking out from the earth, stretching their way toward the cloudless blue sky.  Peeling off the layers of winter gear, it feels so nice to be outside without the heaviness of a jacket and hat and scarf.  Fresh fruits fill the fridge to top my breakfast cereal and snack on.  The spring walks lend themselves to pictures of baby animals scurrying about to explore their new world.  The air smells fresh and clean after the chill of winter.  Everything gets to start fresh in the spring.

This is one of those times where I'd definitely not get a passing grade on my paper, since I was asked to choose my favorite time of year.  I'd likely get good marks for creativity and word choice, but for following the directions?  This time I'll just have to accept the low score!

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: TRAVEL

June Blog Challenge Day 28: Travel

View from above...

When I was younger, travel was rare.  The state in which I live has some great places to take "staycations" but even those were few and far between.  We usually just did day trips.  Once I hit junior high, we were "old enough" to visit my grandparents who spent the winter months in Mexico.  Those trips sound like they would be fantastic, right?  Well, I would say that four-fifths of my immediate family enjoyed the trips (yes, we went for a few visits over the years) and one-fifth didn't.  You may be able to guess which fifth didn't.

My favorite Mexican Retreat!

As I got older and entered the employment world (which at that age, was babysitting!) I sat for a few families that took me with them to babysit on trips, which led me to Florida and Chicago.  It also opened my eyes to the world outside of my home town.  I loved getting to pretend I was part of their families (even though I was the nanny) and live in a world that was so different from mine, even for just a few weeks.

Once I "grew up" (using that term loosely) I visited a few more states traveling for yoga workshops and retreats.  Again, I was lucky to travel as an employee of the yoga studio, which is the only way I was able to afford such travels.

The Santa Monica Pier

The biggest moment for me came when I ventured, for the first time EVER, out on my own, and flew to the east coast for a yoga workshop.  It was my first time traveling alone, my first time staying in a dorm, my first time staying with a roommate... a lot of first times in that trip, including the first time I took the risk to assert myself, which resulted in an amazing friendship with someone who I consider one of my closest friends.  That one week workshop led to several summers visiting this friend, spending 3-5 weeks living with her family and helping her with various tasks.  The experience of traveling solo, on such a scary and unknown adventure, led to such a sweet experience...

Millie's Secret Place... FAVORITE book ever!

Honestly though?  I'm really a home-body.  For me, as much as I enjoyed my yoga trips, and love visiting my friend, my favorite method of travel is in my mind.  I love revisiting old friends, heading to Millie's secret hiding place, the banks of Plum Creek, the Moonshadow Campground, Forks, Diagon Alley, the city of Ember, Narnia, Prince Edward Island, and even Assateague Island... books were my favorite method of transportation, and hold many of my most cherished memories.

A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.

--Tim Cahill 

Prompt: This can refer to an actual trip (or many trips) to other countries. Maybe to other cities. Maybe it’s a figurative journey you’ve taken in your life at some point. Maybe it’s the journey of motherhood or a career traveling. Maybe you have dreams to travel that are driving you to your goals.

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: BLISS

 June Blog Challenge Day 27: BLISS

I came up with four ways to describe bliss.  One is where I spend most of my time, but the other three, I hope one day become my reality.

Brilliantly

Living

In

Spite of

Self-doubt

Beginning to
Learn
It's
Safe to
Succeed

Born
Loving Life,
Influence
Sure
Saddened me.

Believe
Life
Is
Significant and
Special

-->

© MGD June 2012

 Prompt: Joy. Happiness. Bliss is real. Talk about a time you felt bliss.  Or describe the experience in an emotional sense. Maybe you have a poem that explains it well for you. Maybe you struggle with what bliss feels like. Whatever it is, tell us.

Week 14: Gratitude

grat·i·tude  [grat-i-tood] - noun - the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful: He expressed his gratitude to everyone on the staff.

I have a lot to be grateful for these days.  Yes, there are a lot of things that suck.  Big time.  But if I can get myself out of the tailspin in which I seem to be spending much of my time, and if I can get myself to pause, and take a deep breath... yes, I do have a lot to be grateful for.

I can walk, I can run, I can sit in the sun

I can laugh, I can smile, I have fun once in a while

I love my job, I love to teach, My class knows nothing is out of reach

I can think, I can write, The future does look rather bright

I can talk, I can cry, I can not tell a lie

I can learn, I can grow, I can share all that I know.

I have a house, in which I live

and lots of love that I freely give

I have sweet friends who care about me

They share their love, and help me see

The world is full, of love, of hate

Of peace, of beauty, it's never to late

To take time out, and thank those who care

Those who dream, and those who dare

When I think of things, that I haven't got

I pause to remember, I'm grateful for a lot!

A Little Sunshine

In case you haven't noticed, I've been in a crabby place lately.  (That's ok, it took me a while to realize it too!)  I am going to try a self-imposed attitude adjustment.  I can't guarantee how well it will work, but it's worth a try.  With that in mind... here's a bit of a sunnier quote to start the week.

Beauty

I found this quote this afternoon and it sent me into a rather complex thought spiral.  Not the place I want to be spending my time right now.

So, if it doesn't matter what I see in the mirror... how do I change what I see inside?  Cause my inside isn't all that attractive either.  In fact, sometimes I think that my outsides match my insides, and my insides need a complete makeover.  Like, tear everything apart and start from square one.

Beauty.  Guess I have a really, really, really long way to go.

Week 12: Meaningful People

There's been quite a lapse between week 11 and week 12 because I really didn't know who to write about, nor how to write about them in a way that would adhere to the anonymity of the blog-o-sphere.

A picture from one of our adventures, taken July 2010

Family aside, there are a few people that I can't imagine my life without.  My friend JC is one of those people.  JC and I met almost ten years ago, but I feel like I've known her my whole life.  JC taught me what true friendship is like, and our friendship means the world to me.  We both lead very separate and busy lives, but when we get together, it's as if no time has passed.  I'd drop anything on a moments notice to be there for her if she needed, and she's done the same for me.  JC makes my life a lot fuller, a lot brighter, and fills it with a lot more love. 

I've always wanted a big sister, and throughout life, I've met a few people who played that role nicely.  However, I've never met anyone like MJ before.  I may only privy to bits and pieces of her life, but from what she's shared, she has shown me that there is so much possibility in the world, that there is no reason to ever give up hope.  MJ has walked parts of my path, she's faced some of my biggest fears.  She is proof that life can begin at any age.  If it happened for her, it can happen for me.  If she lived through it, so too can I.  MJ may not be my big sister, (and no amount of wishing will change that,) but I am so grateful that she's guiding me on this leg of life adventures.  She gives me hope that I can one day find the same happiness that she worked to find and now enjoys.

Last, but far from least, is E.  I feel like I've been on a tumultuous life voyage that I didn't intend to sign up for.  I've gotten support for these life "adventures" from many along the way (professionals included,) but I've never, ever, ever, encountered anything like the support I get from E.  It's actually been unsettling for me to have someone who is unwaveringly there for me.  I'm no picnic to work with, (as many people have told me,) but E is different.  Doesn't matter what I bring to the table.  When we meet, E is always calm and steady and caring and clear and patient and is somehow able to help me get what I need, whether I'm willing to face it or not.  I don't quite know how to explain it, but somehow, as long as I have E in my corner, I know that I'll be able to make it through anything life throws at me.

I can count the number of special people in my life on only two hands (those mentioned here, along with JC, MJ, and E, as well as EH, L.)  It goes to show that strength doesn't necessarily come numbers.  Sometimes all it takes is a special few to make more difference than a room full of people.

"Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world 

knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement 

and we will make the goal." -- Jerome Fleishman

Either? Or? Both?

Two weeks ago I found myself consumed by anger, something I generally try to, and have successfully been able to convince myself I was able to avoid.  Unfortunately, actually feeling anger is only delayable, not completely unavoidable.  And dealing with that anger?  Not avoidable at all, unless, of course, you want to spend your life feeling like you are going to burst at any moment.

Pretty rain chains at my favorite place to visit in LA.

Last week I wasn't feeling all that much anger, or so I thought.  Instead, it was replaced by sadness.  This week has been no different.  I feel full of this horrible melancholy that won't let up.  I feel like I'm being followed by a grey cloud of tears.  While I can occasionally escape the cloud by throwing myself into my work, or a project, or some other equally distracting activity, the cloud is always there as soon as I pause to breathe.

And that doesn't feel very good.  At all.

On the one hand, sadness seems to be more socially acceptable than anger.  Sadness is something that doesn't make my heart pound and my vision cloud over (though my vision is awfully blurry when the tears fall!)  Anger, on the other hand, makes my body feel like it's going to burst, literally.  I can't breathe, I can't focus, I can't concentrate.  Well, I guess the lack of focus and concentration are the same for sadness, too.

Los Angeles DOES get rain!

I've heard that it's possible to actually feel multiple emotions or feelings at the same time.  I just never thought that one could feel both sad and angry at the same time.  A part of me is quite angry about some of the things happening right now, but then sadness takes over, and buries the anger, which leaves me feeling even worse than when it was just straight-up anger.  Confused yet?  I am.

I know it doesn't have to be an either/or, but considering the fact that I don't know how to deal with either sadness or anger in a healthy way, yeah... no wonder I'm confused.  Now, dealing with confusion... That's probably a whole different skill set, right?!

Wake-Up Call

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a wake-up call?  No, not the kind you arrange with the concierge at the hotel, a real, live, what-the-hell-am-I-doing wake-up call.  The one that often comes disguised as something different, and then once it lands takes on a completely new twist.  An unexpected twist.  And often, an unwelcome twist.

I was the appreciative recipient of a wake-up call yesterday.  It was very unwelcome.  Seems I've gotten myself stuck between the ever-so-popular rock and hard place.  Rocks are not soft and fluffy.  Neither are hard places.  So it isn't the greatest place to find yourself.  Especially when you're already somewhat crabby to begin with.

So it's time for me to look at things a little differently.  It's time for me to appreciate the fact that at least there are people looking out for me that care enough to shove me into that unpleasantly uncomfortable location.  Cause at least they pushed gently.  And the ultimate goal of their pushing, of their wake-up call is to help ME. 

Winter Sun, December 19, 2011

As good as I am at seeing the potential in each of my students, of seeing who they truly are, that sparkle in their eyes, knowing how to encourage them along their learning journey... I'm the exact opposite when it comes to seeing myself.  I really would rather not admit it, but I needed this wake-up call.  I didn't realize how, well... how bad things had gotten because I don't see myself very clearly.

The journey ahead isn't going to be easy.  It involves a complete shift of thinking and behavior.  To be honest, the task is daunting and it scares the $#!& out of me.  Because on this test, failure is not an option.  I have to succeed.  At least I don't have to do it alone... I'm lucky to have a pretty amazing team cheering me on.  Cause without them, failure would not only be an option, it would be the likely outcome.

Oh, and to the people who delivered the wake-up call?  Two words.  

They are not enough, but two words are all I have for you right now:
Thank You.
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

"Every day may not be good... but there

is something good in every day." -- Unknown

Obstacles

This quote crossed my path over the weekend.  I really like it.  It reminds me that no matter how rotten things might be right now, or how yucky I feel today, I am going through this stuff because I'm strong enough to handle it.

It's like an analogy a friend used to use a lot.  She always said that as we move through life, and reflect on our own lives, it's as if we are wearing glasses.  The deeper we look, the more we learn, the more our prescription changes.  Sometimes our "new" glasses make things look much clearer.  Sometimes they make things seem cloudier.  Sometimes we just want to throw the "glasses" away and bury our heads in the sand till life passes.

What path goes to the end of the rainbow?
Massachusetts, July 2007

But we are only shown what we can handle at that moment.  If we couldn't handle it, it wouldn't appear in our paths at that time.  So while I might not be enjoying the journey I'm currently on, the obstacles that are blocking my path are the ones I am capable of facing right now.  They are obstacles that a few months ago would have been impossible to even begin to think about tackling.  They are obstacles that a few months from now will seem like nothing more than pebbles on the path.  But right now these obstacles, these challenges, are exactly what I am supposed to be facing.

As pointed out to me earlier tonight, four months ago I never thought I'd be able to do what I'm doing today.  I thought it would be impossible to reach the goal that was set for me, and at times, it certainly did feel painfully impossible.  Looking back at those boulders in my path from where I am now?  They seem so small and insignificant.  But where I was then?  They were giant, immovable boulders completely blocking my path.  Little did I know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment, facing exactly what I was strong enough to face at that time.

"I know G-d won't give me anything I can't handle.  

I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

Week 10: Accomplishments

ac·com·plish·ment      [uh-kom-plish-muhnt]    noun.  1. an act or instance of carrying into effect; fulfillment  2. something done admirably or creditably  3. anything accomplished; deed; achievement

I successfully completed my K-12 public education.  Granted, I graduated oh, 15 years ago, but I still consider it quite an accomplishment!

I successfully earned my bachelor's degree in elementary education.  That only took six years.  But it was worth it!  I can honestly say I am working in the job of my dreams.  I LOVE what I do.  I LOVE being a teacher.

The dome of the state capital building.  September 2010
Not my accomplishment, but whoever created this - WOW!

Yeah, I have bad days, I get frustrated with all the paperwork, with the extra hours, the scheduling demands, trying to meet the needs of 20+ individual students within in the context of a set amount of time and with a given set of resources.  But I manage.  More than that, I love it.  I get to make a difference in the lives of my students and their families.  Even after they are no longer in my class, the influence still lingers... I try to always make it a good one.  That's an accomplishment!

Let's see... what else have I accomplished.  This blog is an accomplishment.  I've wanted to start one for a while, but always managed to find a reason not to.  Not this time!

Accomplishments... upon making the decision to move out on my own, I have been able to fully support myself.  I've been able to pay my bills, keep food in the fridge, keep the heat running in the winter and the air running in the summer... I've even been able to do a little traveling!  For someone who is afraid of the unknown, flying across the country the first time was pretty scary, but I did it!  And have done it several times since that first anxiety-filled flight.  That's an accomplishment!

Accomplishments... ok, this might sound a little odd, but sometimes, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment in itself... or getting dressed... even eating three decent meals.  All accomplishments, depending on where I am in life at that moment.

Do animals ponder their accomplishments?
Photo taken June 2010

Accomplishments... I love technology.  I have learned how to create and edit videos.  I can take, edit, and manipulate photos.  I've created websites and blogs.  I can mix music that is used in the videos I create.  I can do basic graphic design to create all sorts of things.  Heck, I can even install hardware on both laptops and desktops (Mac and PC, thank you very much!)  I have created and shared multimedia presentations using a variety of technological tools... that's a lot to accomplish considering it's all been self taught!

Life in itself is an accomplishment.  Every day I continue to breathe, to think, to live... all accomplishments... and living each day?  I can't wait to see what else I accomplish in life!

"Success isn't just about what you accomplish in your life... 

it's about what you inspire others to do." -- unknown

Week 1: What Is Beauty?

Beauty.... I'm not sure I have my own definition, yet, so I dug up a few quotes to help me explore the topic...

Winter Sky January 2011

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears.  
-- Anne Roiphe

Morning Dew July 2009

Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.  
-- Aldous Huxley

SnowDrops December 2010

Because beauty isn't enough, there must be something more.  
-- Eva Herzigova

Trumpet July 2009

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it. 
-- Confucius

Sunset July 2011

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. 
-- Kahlil Gibran

Inner Beauty July 2009

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical. 
--Sophia Loren

And one of my personal favorites...

Sunrise October 2011

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. 
--Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Pink in the Pool August 2009

I struggle with finding beauty in myself, but can easily find beauty in those and the world around me.

New Year's Day Sunset January 2011

New Years Sunshine January 2011

If they say

that what we recognize in others

is something

we have in ourselves, 

maybe 

there is still hope 

for me to find 

beauty within, 

since it is so easy 

to find it elsewhere...

© October 2011 MGD