Sometimes, it seems like I've been dealt so many challenges in life, that getting out of bed is an effort that isn't necessarily worth it. Thankfully, though, there are things in my life that
*do* make getting out of bed worth it, no matter how hard it is at that moment!
I could pick any number of difficulties that I'm dealing with, as they're concurrent and continuous challenges in my world. Instead, I'm going to let you into my biggest and most challenging difficulty.
My whole life has been spent catering to others, being who I think they want me to be, doing what I think they want me to do, doing what they actually want me to do, adjusting myself to fit in wherever it is that I am at the moment. In some ways, that's an asset, as I can often adjust as need be. But in most ways..... it sucks. Because here I am, in my mid-thirties, and I have no idea who I am or what I like. And this has been an incredible challenge as I try to navigate the world in which I live. I have no idea what I like. None. I know I like cereal. I know I like the color purple. As far as who I am, I'm a teacher. That's it.
I have a lot to learn about myself, and what's making this uber challenging is that no one can tell me the answers to my questions because no one else is me. My therapist's favorite line seems to be "what do you think?" which is often met with a blank stare and a sarcastic quip of sorts.
Who am I? What do I like? Why are those questions so difficult? If only I knew!
Day 16 Prompt: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.
When I was young, not even a teen, a friends older sister moved from home to, as it was told to me, "find herself" ~ hmm, I thought that seemed so fabulous, picturing her traveling the globe. Fast forward to my 50's, here I am, still trying to find myself LOL! Explore, do different things, even if not comfortable, and decide if you want to do it again ... I think growing, learning and self discovery is a daily journey and when I finally realized that, I have become happier with my life :) You are YOUNG!! You will get there ... Have a great day!! Judi
ReplyDeleteFinding oneself is supposedly a life-long journey, right? Now, if only I could speed up the finding process without shortening the life! It is hard for sure to figure out who you are and what you like and all that stuff. Never give up!
DeleteOh my god, now I'm thinking we might be long lost sisters :) I feel the same way - 34 years old and the most terrifying question you could ask me is any variation of "what do you think/feel/want?". I freeze, b/c I'm so used to simple latching on to other people's world views.
ReplyDeleteI think, though, for me, as I strip myself down to the very base layers that I see that I'm not as empty as I may have thought, it's more a matter of embracing that who I am may not be what I think makes a good person or a good life. Not sure if that makes sense but that is my journey right now.
"I'm so used to simple latching on to other people's world views. " YUP.
Delete"I see that I'm not as empty as I may have thought," YUP.
Challenges in life can seem overwhleming...during my own recovery ever single thing just felt sooooo hard and I didn't know why I had to be the one suffering so much. But there are things worth fighting for and pushing through the challenges for! You'll find them and you'll find yourself as well. It takes time and motivation which you clearly have so you'll make it!! Thanks for the quote mention too<3
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel that I *should* be the one suffering, that, for whatever reason, I deserve it. Twisted, I know. Time and motivation.... looking for the latter, but I'll get there! Thanks for the encouragement!
DeleteSounds like you are working on yourself and asking the right questions. I am sure you will find your way and what is perfect for you and your life.
ReplyDeleteI am trying.... I like the idea of finding what's perfect for me and my life :)
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