Saturday, August 18, 2012

Challenge 6, Part 4: The Self

This quote is really fitting for ME right now.  I recently had a conversation revolving around how sensitive I am to feedback and criticism.  Don't get me wrong, as an educator I'm always open to any feedback or observations classroom visitors may have - on my classroom, on my teaching - whatever.  That is feedback and criticism I like.  What I don't like is when someone points out something to me in *that* tone of voice.  The one that is dripping with judgement.  The one that instantly shuts me down.  The one that dulls my sparkle.

A comment like that need be made only once, and I shut down the behavior that brought it about (even if it was a helpful behavior for me) - say, twirling a piece of hair whilst sitting in a lecture.  I had the person next to me (a fellow teacher) actually take my hand and pull it away when doing so.... said that was "kid" behavior.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself.  Truly, I hadn't even known I was doing it.  Having ADHD, I have a lot of coping strategies that help me focus better when I am stuck in a lecture of sorts, and hair twirling is one of them.

Anyway, what my recent conversation was about how I let ONE person dictate what I needed to do.  A person that wasn't my "superior" (though she is a senior teacher) and has no power over me.  I let her dull my sparkle.  What I learned from this recent conversation is that I don't have to stop doing what I'm doing and being who I am because one person (or even a few people) don't like what I'm doing, as long as it isn't impacting them (like, say I chose to poke the person next to me instead of twirl my hair... then they'd have the right to complain!)  I am ME.  There is only one ME.  With ME comes all my quirks.... It's those quirks that sparkle the brightest....


  1. Hey Purple Dreamer,

    When I was a teenager and even up until very recently, I always did my best to fit in, to be accepted and above all to be liked.
    If someone didn't like me I took it very personally and thought there was something wrong with me.

    As I get older I see that it is our quirks and differences that make us interesting. Who wants to live in a world where everyone is the same.

    My sister is home from Sydney and I've been spending a lot of time with her. She doesn't care what anyone thinks of her and her favourite saying is 'fuck them!!'
    So I'm going to be like my sister and embrace my crazy self.

    Much love x

    1. Hi Ruby-Tuesday!

      I can so relate to what you said... do you think your sister would mind if I try to be like her, too? I admire those confident enough to not care what others think, and am hoping to be right there myself one day soon!

      I love the point you made about our quirks and differences making us who we are, that's a really comforting way to look at how one person's difference really CAN make the world better!

      Thanks for reading and posting! xoxo

  2. Ahhh, I do this all the time, too...let one person's comments or actions define what I can and can't do.

    And yet when I read something like this, it makes me mad (and sad) on behalf of that person.

    NO-ONE has the right to - as you so prettily put it - 'dull your sparkle'. And very sparkly your sparkle is, too :)

    You just keep on shining. And growing, and learning, and sharing. And remembering that it IS our differences and quirks that make us truly special and unique xxx

    1. Thanks Cheryl.... it's nice to know people "get it" even if ya'll are in cyberspace! I never thought about how I feel toward the person making the comments to me, but you bring up a good point. I should try to apply what I teach a little more often - I always tell my students that when someone says or does mean things to them, it's usually cause that person is unhappy. Same thing applies here, I suppose, when someone is critical of me, it means they're unhappy with that part of them. Love the new perspective!

  3. I think that teacher's comment was more of a reflection on them than on you. Besides, I'm a hair twirler too! I'm also the same in that I'll question myself to the very core if someone makes a comment about something I'm doing or saying. It doesn't matter if it's something I've always done or something that is helpful or comforting to me. I would change it, or at least become more aware of it - unfortunately. I think that's slowly changing in me, and I'm so glad that you're able to not allow that comment dull your sparkle! :)


    1. You're right Kashley, she probably was reflecting on herself, and hopefully wishing she was more comfortable to indulge on some behaviors! Hair twirling, tracing patterns on clothes or on the table cloth... whatever to keep me focused! (I tend to trace the pattern on the chair in therapy, very soothing!) Together we change, together we sparkle more! xo


So? What do you think?