Unicorns in 2016

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This year is gonna be all about unicorns, right?

The Perfect Day

My dietitian asked me tonight what my dream day would look like.  Dream day?  Hmmm.....

Turns out my initial response - sleeping in, yummy breakfast, nice walk with the Pup, afternoon nap, dinner - wasn't all that dreamy.  Mainly cause it was me and the Pup.  I figured it was realistic, at least.... but reality?  I didn't know what a true "dream day" would look like because I've isolated myself that much.  So it took a little thought.... and here's what I came up with.

The day would start by sleeping in late, and waking up next to my (currently non-existent) partner.  WE would then go to a little cafe or something for a delicious breakfast, lingering on the last bites of food and enjoying conversation together.  Then we'd take a nice walk at a local park or trail.  That would be followed by a nap for me, and my partner would do whatever they chose, nap or otherwise.  Together we'd prepare a yummy dinner, and end the day snuggling on the couch with popcorn and a movie.

That day sounds really quite nice.  Really nice.  Like too nice.  Too perfect.  It will involve me kicking out the mean person that lives inside my brain, kicking that part of me so far out that I have room to let people into my world..... 20 some years of (false) comfort in being alone.... never really thinking there was hope for me to be anything but alone.....  But my dietitian said it's totally possible, and that it will happen.

I trust her fully, but I don't know if I quite believe her here..... I'm gonna sure try though, cause this is a day I'd love to live through......

Week 52: Dream Vacation

OK, so this may have taken me two years, but the impetus for the blog has finally been completed!  This original blog challenge, started on October 29, 2011, has finally landed at the last post of the challenge!

And what better final topic than dreaming of a dream vacation?!

So.... in celebration of a full (two) year(s) of recovery blogging, if money was no issue.... my dream vacation would take me on a month-long tour of Europe and Asia, with a special stop in Israel. 

With camera in hand, I'd visit the historical landmarks that have shaped this planet and the people who inhabit it.  Feasting on foods (since this is a dream, I'd have no food allergies!) from many cultures, not worrying about calories (cause on this dream vacation, they don't exist!)

This dream vacation would continue with a visit to Disney World in Florida, followed by a week in paradise at my California Family's home, and culminating with an incredible, unplugged visit to the retreat center in Mexico where wi-fi doesn't exist, nor does electricity (at least in the bungalows) instead, the days are filled with blue sky, beautiful greenery, and the soothing surf of the waves upon the beach.

Maybe one day this, like recovery, will no longer be a dream.  For now, though, maybe many separate trips will actually become reality!

Back on the Roller Coaster

Do you like roller coasters?  I used to. I don't know if I still like them, cause I don't know if my stomach could handle it!  I'd like to think that I'd still enjoy the ride, though, especially considering it only usually lasts less than three minutes!  The last time I was on a roller coaster I actually blacked out down the first HUGE hill.  It.  Was.  Awesome!

There is one roller coaster I definitely don't like.  And it's one I've had to ride way too many times in the last few years.  Nearly every ride has resulted in mass chaos, both internal and external, and has tossed my life into the trash for a while.  Some have lasted a very long time, while others were short jaunts.  The best ones were short jaunts with a long shelf life.

It's the medication roller coaster I speak of.  And I just climbed back on.  There is good news, though!  After stopping (slowly, of course) my previous medication, my nightmares have completely vanished.  Totally and entirely gone!  It's been six months of hauntingly horrible nightmares (ironically coinciding with the beginning of a specific medication) that nearly instantly ceased within days of discontinuing that med.  I was thrilled!

The down side is that now I have to get used to a whole new medication, complete with side effects (not sure how they'll hit, if they hit at all) and all the internal crud that goes along with it.  I'm hoping that this is one of the more enjoyable roller coaster rides.  And a short lived ride, too!

Challenge 10, Part 2: Inspiration

I love this quote.  Even when I'm crabby and sad and feeling like a complete mess of a person, forever destined to be alone, this quote can make me smile through my tears.

It has to be true.  I know it does.  Because I know that life delivers to us what we most want when we least expect it.  I really want to get married and have a family.  But there is no significant other in my world right now.  This quote reminds me that the perfect* person for me is out there somewhere... wondering what it would be like to meet me...

* Perfect really only exists in the dictionary, or at least that's what I believe.  However, in this case, perfect for me means someone that is full of imperfections, too, because I know I sure am!

Arielle's Word-of-the-Day: MYSTERY

June Blog Challenge Day 29: MYSTERY

It's likely no surprise that I am not a big fan of mystery.  Anything unknown scares the bejeebers out of me.  When I'm watching a movie, I'll often mute it or change the channel when the suspense gets to be too much for me to handle.  Even if it's an episode of a television show that I've seen many times before, and actually know the outcome, when it gets to *that* part, where the mystery has built and is at the turning point, I'll still change the channel, even though I know what's going to happen!

Interestingly, there is one kind of mystery I don't mind at all... it's the one I'm in control of.  Like when I'm reading aloud to my students and drop my voice, the room grows eerily silent as they hang on every word... and when I stop reading and close the book on a cliff hanger?  It's like being in an athletic stadium when your favorite team scores.  The kids loudly complain and beg for just a few more pages.  That kind of mystery?  I love.  I know what is happening and where things are heading, so I can handle it.

If you've read previous posts on my blog, you know that I am definitely one who prefers structure and planning, and am not good with spontaneous happenings.  I think that's why I have never really enjoyed reading mystery books, either.  I get really, really anxious while I'm reading. I mean, I've read the entire Harry Potter series multiple times, and know how it all ends, yet... if I read any book beyond book 4 before bed, it gives me terrible nightmares. 

So, to sum up a rather rambly post, while I appreciate the mystery of life, I prefer a little less mystery in my life.  I wish that things were just a little more transparent sometimes, and a little less scary.... then again, maybe things are quite transparent, and my vision is still rather clouded.  Hmmm.  Guess it really is all about perspective!

 Prompt: Does life hold mystery for you?  Do you wish it did? Does mystery scare you? Thrill you? Is it good, bad, or do you feel indifferent towards it?

Week 4: Aspirations

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. 

I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, 

believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." -- Louisa May Alcott

One day

"Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss,
you'll land among the stars." -- Brian Littrell

I would like to live in a world
where teaching is a
respected profession,
embraced as an
ever-evolving art form,
and teachers are seen
as upstanding contributors to society.

One day
I would like to meet
the father of my future children,
fall madly in love with him,
flaws included,
and build a strong and stable foundation
to spend the rest of our lives enjoying.

One day
I would like to publish a book...
or two...
and be somewhere in the top half
of the best seller list.

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet
we forget that he is someone today." -- Stacia Tauscher

One day
I would like to open a school
that teaches the entire child, 
nurturing their mind,
body,
and spirit,
while preserving
the precious gift of childhood,
that passes too quickly.

One day
I would like to own an incredible camera,
so that I can capture the moments
that
all
too
quickly
fly by

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain
of improving, and that's your own self." -- Aldous Huxley

in life.

One day
I would like to love myself...
to find true happiness
and inner-peace....
to be confident
and self-aware....
to be healthy
and pain free....
to be happy
and love life...

One day...

© November 2011 MGD