Week 13: Forgiveness

I have thought a lot about forgiveness, and who I need to forgive in life.  I've spent lots of therapy hours dealing with the topic as well.  I'm pretty sure that I've forgiven my parents for all they did or did not do when I was growing up- neither of them had the best childhoods, and I know they did the best they could with my siblings and me.  In the grand scheme of things, they did ok, even though it wasn't always enough, it was all they could do.

The person I really need to forgive is myself.  I am a pretty mean person when it comes to self-talk.  Try as I might, when it comes down to it, I'm not my biggest fan.  I am working on that, though.  It isn't helpful when I spend my day verbally attacking myself.  The reality of it is that I too, am doing the best that I can with what I have.  Thankfully, I'm working on changing the way I treat myself, and it is so not easy.  As much as I wish my therapist had a magic wand and could *poof* make nicer thoughts come out of my brain, she can't.  What she can do is help me learn to be more kind and compassionate toward myself.  And that seems like it's going to take more than forgiveness.  It's going to take a miracle.

We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want

to forgive; but the very fact we say we are willing to

forgive begins the healing practice. -- Louise Hay