Two Years Ago Today

Exactly two years ago today, I decided it was time to reclaim my life.

I listened to my much trusted doctor and went back to therapy.  I was losing my ability to think clearly, which was negatively impacting my entire world.  My job, which I cherish and value, had become seemingly impossible to do.  Getting out of bed had become a chore.  I had lost control of my own life, from the inside out.

The past two years have been filled with ups and downs, successes and failures, and more pain than I care to express.  This is not, and will not be an easy journey.  My therapist reminds me that the only way out is through, and that the journey through is not easy.  She says it takes a strong person to go through the therapy process.

I didn't realize how strong I was.  Every week I show up for my appointments whether I want to or not.  Some days are better than others.  Some days are heavy with tears, others sparkle with laughter.  There are moments where I drift away from the room, and am slowly reeled back in. The best are when my therapist helps me laugh through my tears.

Through it all, I'm beginning to realize that while there are moments where I feel like it is pointless to continue.... this hard work WILL pay off.  It feels like we've only peeled back a few layers of the onion thus far, and I know that my therapy journey has a long way to go.  I'm going to keep showing up.

There will be times where I feel like giving up, like disappearing.... all part of the process.  However, exactly two years ago today, I was sitting in my therapist's office terrified of beginning, of trying to reclaim my life, of looking at things inside.... yet, somehow, in that first hour with my therapist?  I began the journey of a lifetime....