I read an article yesterday by one of my favorite bloggers, Natasha Tracy. The title of the post is What does "I'm Fine" Mean if you're Depressed? (You can read the whole article here.)
She so eloquently articulated what "fine" can mean for one who suffers from depression. For the first time, I actually found an explanation that makes sense to me. We live in a world where people ask "how are you?" and walk away before you can answer. Do those people really want to know how you are doing? Nope. They expect the standard "fine, and you?" response, or something similar.
Well my friends, depression is different. There is rarely a "fine" time for me. It doesn't matter if I've been given good news, a compliment (which we know how well I take!) or a little gift. I'll always be able to fake it and look/act "fine" but inside? I'm anything but.
It's rather frustrating trying to explain what depression feels like to those who don't suffer from this maddening issue. The way Ms. Tracy explains it, she had to redefine what "fine" actually meant to her, in order to be able to use it appropriately. For me, I rely on a great little acronym.... When I say I'm fine, this is what runs through my head ----->
Yeah. I know. It's pretty defeating, demeaning, and downright sad. But at least I can answer honestly when someone asks how I'm doing....