Monday, October 22, 2012

From Bad to Worse

Things just seem to be going from bad to worse.  Friday it was a complete stranger that sent me into a tailspin, today, it was a situation at work.  Lately, I feel like I can't catch a break.  Which sucks.  Big time.  (and apparently, I'm not the only one who's noticed the target I seem to wear, as colleagues have commented on "things" too.)

It's as if I'm walking around, as a colleague described it, with a giant target on me.  When anything at all goes wrong in the building, I'm blamed.  It is irrational and illogical in every way.  But unfortunately, it is what it is, and I have no choice but to ride out this wave of insanity.  And not let it break me.

Cause I'm stronger than my eating disorder.  And I'm stronger than a blame-game target.  The question is, how long will I be able to maintain that strength, maintain my dignity, maintain my life.... without breaking completely into un-fixable pieces.  Cause sometimes, you just can't fix the platter that's shattered into hundreds of pieces.

Mother Teresa said "I know G-d won't give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish He didn't trust me so much."  I know what she means.  I know I am meant to learn something from these past few days.  Maybe it's that I can't give one person the power to make me feel bad about myself, or worthless, or self-conscious.  Maybe it's that I am meant to handle situations like this because I'm strong enough to do so.  Maybe.... I dunno, but I wish, whatever the lesson I'm meant to learn, would show itself soon, because this is getting really hard to handle...


  1. Hmmph!!!!! Bloody colleagues. Carry on, strong, head high. If your feeling a little sensitive things like this will no doubt make you feel worse. yes you can ride above this, you can carry on and say,'sod 'em,' Stay strong girl xxx

    1. I'm trying! Very much appreciate your words of encouragement my friend! xoxo


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