Well I'm not. Because I'm not an expectant parent.
I am recovering from an eating disorder. There, I said it. I've danced around the topic a lot on the blog, but I don't know that I've come outright and said that before.
In the not-so-distant past, a complete stranger came up to me, attempted to put her hand on my extremely bloated belly as she asked the dreaded question. I was shocked. I mean, I know by evening I am bloated. I hate it. But pregnant? Really? That is SO not something to say to me.That comment, as innocent as it may have been (the woman needs to be smacked upside the head as lesson one in learning tact) it flipped my world upside down and sent me into a dangerous spiral.
See, my recovery has only been strong for about two months. That's not long enough to let a comment like this not rock the boat. I do not want to throw the last year and a half's worth of work away. My team has worked too hard to get me to where I am, stable for two months. But I am so, so, so, discouraged right now. All that work, all that effort, all that pain......... I mean, my body image has been really bad for years, and while recovery has stabilized my weight and my physical health, I still struggle with the body image blues. Big time. And for the last few weeks, it's been exceptionally miserable in the mirror. This didn't help.
This time around, it wasn't a number that set me off. It was a stupid stranger. An inconsiderate, thoughtless, possibly-well-meaning, stranger. And my former best bud Ed is holding the door wide open, inviting me back into the relationship that I worked so hard to leave behind.
Wow. That person is a complete twonk. I do understand how shaken you must be - reading between the lines, it's clear that you have the determination to resist the temptation to let the ED thoughts win. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeletePS my worst comment during a period of refeeding was when someone at church came up to me and said "we'll have to start calling you chubby chops" :-/
PPS if you have a chance, talk it over with your therapist/doctor/whoever. You can never control what other people say but we can work on how we react to their thoughtless words
Thanks for your understanding Lindy. I'm still dealing with the aftershocks of her comment and while today hasn't been a good day, it's almost over. My therapist is sure going to get an earful when I see her this week. I wish people would remember to THINK before they speak!
DeleteHi, this is Kaitlyn... I don't know if you remember me, but we used to talk on EDA's website a lot. I am so sorry for the mean comment that lady said to you. It was completely inappropriate and unnecessary. I am proud of you for doing so well. Keep up the good work. :-) Smile.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaitlyn! Of course I remember you, I'm honored you commented here. I am working hard not to let her insensitivity derail me, but this is much harder than I thought it would be. Hope you are doing well! xoxo
DeleteHello, goodness gracious people and their silly comments! Please PLEASE keep going forward - you are stronger and smarter than other's insensitive remarks and an ED! Bloating is not fun (I remember it well)but it is not permanent and does cease as you work through it. The difficult part is working through and out of the bloating stage while Mr ED tries his best to keep you in his web. I wish I could say something helpful and I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a hug. You have worked so hard and you derserve nothing but wellness and happiness... Love to you xo
ReplyDeleteHi Kylie-Rose.... I am trying to move forward, but this has thrown me for a bigger fall than I thought it would. This bloating is killing me and crushing my spirit. I am trying though, and contacted my nutritionist immediately once I started falling back into Ed's trap. Your comment was more helpful than you realise, and I so appreciate the virtual hug. xoxo
DeleteI am so with you on this one, been there.......
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately people don't think, especially about the consequences. A bit like the, 'dont you look well, better, blah blah comments. Please keep going, dont let one comment undo all the hard work you have put in. It will get better and easier!!!! I used to have comments about looking like a cambodian or people thinking i had cancer. I wouldnt go out as was so afraid of others comments. You are greater than all this, you are bloody amazing.....
I wish I could give you a hug. xxx
Ugh, Jackie, why don't people think?! It's such a nasty cycle when people have to insert foot in mouth upon spewing thoughtless comments. I wanted to punch that woman in the face, but I didn't, because I'm a lady ;) Thank you for your comment and for the virtual hugs. xoxo
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