Monday, July 2, 2012

Week 21: What I Want to Hear

For a while I wanted someone to confirm that I'm worthless.  But that hasn't, and likely won't happen.  Guess it's just my distorted perception of myself.  Hope it changes quickly!

I wished my therapist would tell me that she'd be there for me no matter what.  In my heart, I knew she couldn't say that, cause in my experience, no one sticks around long enough to get to know me enough to help me.  Or I should say, no one sticks around long enough for me to let them in so they can help me.  On more than one occasion, and in more than one way, she has told me that she's not going anywhere.  My therapist, my dietitian, the primary members of my treatment team have said, with and without words, that they are here for me, they're in it for the long haul, I can depend on them..... I think they're trying to show me that I'm worth loving.  I'm taking their word for it till I believe it myself.  Which might take years. 

What else would I like to hear?  I'm borrowing words from others as there is so much going on in my mind I don't know which way is up right now.

I think my heart would explode if this actually happened.
  I've only just learned what it feels like to miss
someone this strongly. I wonder if anyone
misses me...
Only in my dreams...
Please.  Please.  Please....

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