Challenge 4, Part 1: Self Esteem

self-es teem [self-i-steem, self-] noun

a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

Self Esteem is a very tricky little bugger.  Self esteem is how you hold yourself.  It has little to do with others, it is your perception of your self.

And I have none.

I fake it pretty well, though, as unless you spend a lot of time with me, you likely couldn't tell.  Or at least that's what I've been told.  Sure doesn't feel like I can fake it that well though.  In my eyes, I reek of insecurity and self-loathing.  I feel somewhat like a fraud, as others are always shocked to find out the truth.  The very few that I have let in, that is.

BUT.

It's almost as if it's an effect of recovery.  To overcome this, it's as if gaining some self esteem is a side-effect.  And that is really good news for someone like me.  It means I have a chance to take a new perspective.  I have a chance to see myself through new eyes.  I have a chance to see in me what others seem to see, which is a pretty cool person (it makes me ill to write that) that has a lot to offer the world.

I can say that without self esteem, life is not terribly happy.  It doesn't take much to rob someone of self esteem, and it's worth the effort it takes to build it.