Who?

Courtesy of Sketches in Stillness

Isn't this a good question?  Who was I before the world decided who I should be?

Rephrase:  

Who was I before I decided to let society tell me who I should be?

I have absolutely no idea.

As someone who became a social chameleon by age four, I don't know that I ever really knew who I was, or what I wanted.  I remember one moment, being very upset at preschool because I didn't get to sit on the teacher's lap for my birthday (as was tradition.)  I also remember being told that it is no big deal, you'll sit on her lap another time.

In other words, what I wanted, what I thought should have happened because of the social expectations in the class, didn't happen, and I was told that there was no reason to be upset.  

Did I know the vocabulary then?  Nope.  Did I realize at that moment what was happening?  Nope.  Do I realize now how quickly I learned to surrender my ideas, desires, wishes, even needs, to those who were "in charge" of caring for me?  Nope.

But now I do.

And as an adult, I can change.

Impressive? Or not?

Image courtesy of Sketches in Stillness.

So timely.  So, so, so timely.  The best part of the weather turning colder is that I get to bury my body in bulky sweaters that make me feel super cozy.  Even more, they make me feel like I can finally breathe again, after wearing a spring and summer wardrobe that makes me feel like I have to suck in my stomach.  Which I can't do.  Cause it's not that simple for me.  The health issues in my belly do make me look much more rotund than I actually am.  My belly embarrasses me regularly, even though there's really nothing I can do about it.

This quote up here?  If the world was blind, who would I impress?  I love it.  I wish the whole world read it.  Cause if we didn't have a society that is so judged by how you look, I think there would be a lot more peace in the world, and a lot less scrutiny.  Scrutiny can lead to scary stuff, and we don't need anything else to be scared of.

Sketches In Stillness

There is so much sadness in the world these days.  So much hatred, negativity, judgement, cruelty, ignorance......... I can't watch the news or read the paper as sit depresses me and makes me feel so anxious with all the "bad" news that is out there.

But everything *will* be alright..... right?

Choices

I love this image and quote.... It reminds me of something my therapist often says--
You don't deserve to be hurt.  No one does.  

See, somehow I trained myself to believe that if someone could possibly be hurt, I will be the one to get hurt.  If someone should suffer, it should be me.  Somehow, I've convinced myself that I deserve the "bad" and "hurt" from the world.

Reality?  No one deserves to endure pain and suffering.  The sun doesn't say "I'll shine on you, but not you, you don't deserve it."  Sure, the sun can only shine on part of the Earth at a time, but even then, it does so in a predictable pattern, with everyone getting plenty of sunshine throughout the day.....

Something to chew over......

Be Kind

I particularly like this Sketches in Stillness image because it is such a great reminder for this time of year.... Especially as we begin to think about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, and his peaceful premise...... something that seems to be frequently forgotten these days......

Stuck on Repeat?

So I realize this, that the thoughts in my mind (which are mostly negative when it comes to myself) are tracks I allowed others to record in my brain.  Instead of releasing them, or not believing them, I've held on to them for so long, they feel like they're my own.  Like they are thoughts that I came up with, attacks on the self.

I know I didn't create them.  I didn't record them or plant them or even initially think or speak them.  What I did do was adopt them as my own.  Accept them as my own.  And allow them to play over and over and over.

I truly do hope that I will one day (soon?) reach the place where the old record plays it's tune, but I don't even pay attention it.  Even better?  I hope to toss that old record out the window, and instead, replace it with some kind tracks on a shiny new mp3.......

Enlightenment?

What do you think?

 

I completely concur.

Sketches in Stillness

I came across a new blog (by way of Facebook friends) that I have become completely smitten with.  It isn't so much a blog.... well, at least not in the sense I think of when I hear the word "blog."  It's more of an artist's blog, a sketch pad, you could say.

Anyway, I was perusing the pages and found the image here-

YogiPets Sitting - Sketches in Stillness

Love.... could it really be that simple?