Views from the Window

I was sitting in the window seat of a restaurant the other day, and while I waited for the rest of my meal pals to arrive, I watched the hustle and bustle of the busy sidewalks on the other side of the glass.

In particular, I found myself noticing one thing.

Shoes.

It seems that I've spent a lot of time looking at shoes lately.  Noticing the styles (welcome back 1984) and the colors (neon?  really?) and how shoes compliment the wearer's outfit.  I've never paid much attention to shoes before.  I find a pair that I like, buy them in black and brown, and I'm set.  Comfort over fashion, that's the way I roll.

You know who has interesting shoes?  My therapist.  She's got some rockin' kicks.  I should know, I've spent a lot of time staring at them lately.  Which is kind of unusual for me.  I'm learning that when the conversation gets tough, I experience a brain freeze not unlike the kind one feels upon drinking a milkshake too quickly.

We've been wading through uncharted waters these past few weeks.  It's been really mucky, too, with all the crud that has been dredged up.  But as with all muddy ponds, when things start to settle, the water starts to clear up.  Then you can see straight through to the bottom of the pond, where a mysterious and beautiful world awaits.

Week 30: Three Words

Three words.  That's it.  Just three words.

Which three words best describe me?  Argh!

More decisions to make!  Too many choices!

(Temper tantrum over, sorry you had to witness that!)

OK.  So Three words.  Hmmm..... This is for sure a challenge!  BUT, at this moment, I will say that the following three words best describe me:

emotional               thinker              sensitive

I am a very emotional person.  For years and years I kept my emotions inside, locked up, and only released them when there was no more room in my body to hold them.  That, or sometimes they snuck out, late at night, alone, as tears in my pillow.  I get very emotionally invested in things - work, students, projects, and so on.  That can be a good thing, but sometimes it turns into a major-one-track-mind deal, and the emotions become so imbedded in what I'm doing, that the task becomes more than what it really is.  And that leaves me so exhausted from feeling so much, that I have nothing left, and just fall apart.  At least that's what happens more and more frequently, since I've stopped trying to keep my emotions inside.  That stupid ed really helped with the emotional numbing, and since that's not my go-to coping mechanism anymore, there's a heck of a lot more frequent emotional releases... and (unfortunately) they aren't always alone as tears in my pillow anymore!

Now this next word?  It was a tricky one to select, because I wanted to pick something that talked about how much I love being a teacher, and how much I love being a learner, too.  I figured that in order to do each of those, I need to be a thinker.  I like to spend time thinking about what I've read, what I've learned, what I've observed, and lately, thanks to my team, I even spend some time thinking about how I'm feeling (not my favorite kind of thinking!)  Sometimes this is a good thing to be, as I can find multiple perspectives to different scenarios (as long as they don't involve my personal life) which can be fun and helpful.  Sometimes this is not the greatest, because I do have a tendency to over-think things..... which can lead to some emotional distress.... but for the most part, being a thinker is a pretty good thing, I think!

This last word, sensitive, kind of fits well with emotional, and I almost didn't use it because of that.  But it's a really fitting word, because I am sensitive in every possible definition.  I have this tendency to "feel" the room, as someone once put it.  If I walk into a room where people are agitated or stressed or happy or excited, I'll feel it.  That level of sensitivity can be good, but it is often very draining.  I'm pretty sensitive to people's needs in the sense that I am good at figuring out what someone might need, and helping them get that.  I can tell if people are upset and hiding it, which can be good, if I am willing to address it, but it can be rough, if I instead just think about it endlessly.... I'm also sensitive in the literal term - I'm allergic to way too many things - foods, medicines, products in general.  My skin is super sensitive, so is my stomach.  So are my feelings, which are easily hurt, which make me a little more emotional....!

(BONUS! Since I was never good at following rules, here is one bonus word that describes me.  I am observant.  I notice everything.  That little flower growing through the crack in the sidewalk that wasn't there yesterday?  I notice that.  That you wear the same outfit every Friday?  Yep, I notice that too.  That you've started biting your nails again?  That the pillows were rearranged?  That the kids are always a little more talkative on pizza day?  Yup.  I notice all of it.  Like the other adjectives I selected, this too, has it's positives and negatives.  It's nice to notice the little things, as people appreciate compliments on those little things.  But sometimes it's tiring, because too many little changes make me really anxious!)

So, in summary, I am an (observant and) emotionally sensitive thinker!