True Friendship

Today was the first Sunday in months that I actually smiled.  It was the first Sunday I got out of my pajamas.  The first Sunday that I actually left the house.  The first Sunday that I didn't spend the day hiding in my bedroom.

Yeah, I'm still depressed.  But I spent a few hours with a true friend today, one of the few that I have.  And somehow, while we were walking to lunch in this unseasonably warm weather, the darkness temporarily released it's hold on me and I was able to enjoy our time together.  While I was forcing myself to laugh at first, so as not to rain on the beautiful weather, after a while, it wasn't an effort.  

Smiles were harder.  Somehow, as good of a job as I thought I was doing in keeping things light and happy, she knew.  She commented on how happy I seemed, and wondered if it was genuine.... she knew.... but being that special soul that she is, she understood.  And when we said goodbye, that little extra squeeze?  That was the best medicine out there.

Only a true friend sees the pain through the mask and loves you anyway....

Allergies?

I generally do not post these ecards that are floating around facebook and pinterest and the internet in general. 

But I couldn't not post this one.

It is SO fitting for my world these days.  It seems that allergy season has been extended for an indefinite length of time.  I mean, why else would I constantly be tearing up? 

Right?

Challenge 16, Part 3

Image by Murat Suyur

I like the whimsy of this image.  Tasty white chocolate mixed with technology of my favorite kind.  Nothing too fancy, just pure fun, if you ask me.  Two things I prefer to not have to live without: technology and chocolate (though I prefer dark chocolate!)

One thing I have to say about these recent Blogging for Wellbeing Challenges is that I have been exposed to artists that I'd not have otherwise met.  Bonus!

Little Things

I know that a lot of people don't always recognize how lucky they are.  How good they have it.  Perspective is a tricky thing, no matter how old you are.

I know that I am luckier than many.  I recognize that, and am very grateful for what I do have.  Yeah, there are a lot of things that I went through that really sucked.  There are a lot of things in my life that still suck.  But I still think I'm a lucky one.

And that's partially because of the people in my life who support me.  It's not like they go above and beyond, it's that they're just great people.  It's the hug I get when I walk into my dietitian's office, or the little extra squeeze when we hug goodbye.  It's the text message that warns me not to panic when I pull into the parking lot and don't see my therapist's car.  It's the three month notice I get when there is a schedule adjustment to be made, because I don't take to surprises well.  It's the unexpected text that says "I made some soup for you for next time you come over," just because.  It's the way my crazy thoughts are normalized by those who really understand me.

I'm lucky.  Really lucky.  It's the little things that really do mean the most....

Challenge 16, Part 2

Image by Murat Suyur

Another intriguing photo that literally jumped off the screen and into my mind.  I'm often drawn to the light bulb concept in general.  I love how the light bulb has transformed the world, literally and figuratively.

For example, without the light bulb, we'd be living with candle light for always.  Obvious, yes, but less obvious is that many say the light bulb is the invention that revolutionized the world.

Which is the less obvious reason that it sticks with me so strongly.  The light bulb represents ideas, ideas of all kinds.  It also represents thinking.  This image, complete with the "old" light in the candle flame, and the "new" light of the bulb, may in essence be two different things, but in reality, it's connecting ideas from past and present, in a way that I hadn't seen before.  In other words, it's shedding light on today while paying homage to the past.

What's this got to do with anything, you ask?  Well, I'm in the process of opening the doors of my past, visiting old pains and hurts, and attempting to make peace in an effort to move forward a little lighter (pun intended!)  No easy task, excruciating, at times.  Then again, being burned by a candle is painful, and it was not easy to invent the light bulb, either...

Out-of-the-Box

That seems to be where I spend a good deal of time.  Thinking outside of the box.  I've always thought it to be a good thing, but lately, I'm not so sure.  It seems that sometimes, or so I've been told, thinking outside the box scares those that prefer to spend their time inside the box.  Ironically, just yesterday, I read a GREAT article about this exact topic on another blog.  Seems that most people find comfort within their little box.  But in some cases, people outgrow the box, for whatever reason, and decide to leave it behind.

And that makes others very nervous.  Cause being an outside-the-box thinker is who I am naturally.  Which these days, I'm not sure I like.

Some people might say that living inside the box is lonely and isolating, but I'm experiencing the opposite.  Seems that there are few people who naturally think outside of the box.  So really, I'm finding the outside rather lonely, and to be honest, a bit frightening.  I'd much rather have preferred to stick in the box if I knew it would protect me from ridicule and bullying that has escalated the more I spend time outside the box.  People inside their boxes feel threatened by me (or so I'm told) and would rather I stop thinking the way I do, which is kinda impossible.

I can understand their perspective to a degree, I mean, there is definitely comfort in consistency and security that the box offers.  But..... not everyone is comfortable in the box..... so please, if you know someone who is an outside the box thinker, even if you don't always get where they are coming from, please don't make fun of, or ridicule, or bully them into believing they are wrong for the way they naturally think.  That doesn't help anyone.  And to be honest, it hurts.  A lot.  Because while questioning oneself can be a good reflection tool, when done from a critical perspective, it does more harm than good.