Sources of my Smiles

Every day when I walk through the door at home, I am greeted with the biggest (or smallest, technically) source of my smiles.  The Pup.  He is always there, waiting, full of kisses and wiggles and cuddles.  I love coming home to him and the smiles he brings me.

Since the peanut arrived last July, wow.  Smiles galore!  Whether I'm experiencing the giggles, the grins, the raspberries, the shrieks, the claps, whatever it is that peanut is doing, my heart smiles.  Big, warm, smiles.

My students make me smile, too.  I love watching them grow and learn and overcome challenges they thought to be impossible.  I love going to conferences and sharing my students experiences with my peers.  That makes me smile from the inside out.  (Now, if only politics would get the h#$% out of schools, there would be even more smiles there.)

My........ well........ I guess she's now my former dietitian. She made me smile too. She gave great hugs.  Great hugs.  And knowing how grounding they are for me, she greeted me with one and said farewell with one.  I'm really going to miss her.  I hope, that even though she no longer works with me, our old emails will wrap me up in a hug and bring forth smiles.

My therapist makes me smile at least once a session.  Sometimes I'm smiling through tears.  Sometimes I'm smiling cause I've made her laugh.  Sometimes it's cause I've annoyed her.  Sometimes I'm smiling because she's right, and I don't want to admit it.  Mostly, though, I smile because I know she cares.  I don't always feel like people care about me, but knowing she does.... on those really bad days, just hearing her voice makes my heart smile a little, no matter what's going on.

The reason for this post, though, is one that took me quite by surprise.

I've been working with my new dietitian for less than a month.  One of the hardest tasks that she's "encouraged" is daily communication of my food log.  Which means that I send her an email each evening with the day's food log and the tentative menu for the next day.  Doesn't sound hard, I know.  But for me?  It's been a kind of torturous tasks.  It feels selfish to be emailing someone daily, especially knowing they'll respond to each and every email.

This past week, though, I realized how much I look forward to her replies.  Like, really look forward to them.  Don't get me wrong, we're not talking therapy via email, just a few sentences that acknowledge what I sent her, encourage whatever needs encouraging and question whatever needs questioning.  I didn't realize it, and I doubt she has either, but it has become one of the highlights of my day.  As hard as it has been to click send, it's the exact opposite when it comes to clicking read.  Maybe one day, it will just be a smile, and not a smile riddled with guilt for taking up her time outside of the office.  Right?