NEDA Week: Where I Stand

This is a new resource to me.  I found it..... I don't even know how I found it, but I wanted to share it with you, as their Purple Project is a powerful piece of Eating Disorder Awareness Month.  They have easy to follow, simple to read resources outlining the different types of eating disorders, as well as links to many, many resources (some of which I've already shared.)

I think my favorite part of this resource, though, is their "I wear purple" campaign.  It's quite inspiring, if you ask me!

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 101 - Thursday 2/27/14 - Beyond grateful for my therapist's willingness to walk me through an extremely overwhelming task.

Day 100 - Wednesday 2/26/14 - Excited to learn a new tech tool today.  Even more excited that my teachers for this new tech tool are two former students!

Day 99 - Tuesday 2/25/14 - Appreciate the reminder that I don't have to deal with things alone.

Day 98 - Monday 2/24/14 - SO thankful to hold on to a comfort a little bit longer than planned.

Day 97 - Sunday 2/23/14 - Grateful to be caught up on schoolwork for the upcoming chaos of a week.

Day 96 - Saturday 2/22/14 - Enjoyed a nice brunch with my cousin today.

Day 95 - Friday 2/21/14 - Thankful for mint chocolate chip gluten free cupcakes.  It was the only smile of my day.

NEDA Week: Celebrity

I'm a HUGE fan of the Hunger Games.  No, not literally starving myself to be hungry, the book series by Suzanne Collins.  Through the series, and the movies, I've also become a fan of Jennifer Lawrence.  Here are a few reasons why:

Read more about Jennifer Lawrence and her thoughts on body stuff:

In Hollywood I'm Obese
It's Dumb to be Hungry to Make Others Happy
It Should be Illegal to Call Someone Fat

NEDA Week: The Media

There are some crazy facts about how the media has become such a powerful influence on us, myself included.  I actually don't watch the news anymore because it is too disturbing to me.  There aren't enough "smile stories" shared.

I also know how much I push myself because I don't look like those I see on television, I'm too different.  I don't like what I do to myself. I don't like how I let the media's decisions on what is "pretty" or "beautiful" impact my own choices.

Yet, I'm the only one with the power to change my mind.

I'm working on it.

Are you?

NEDA Week: I had NO Idea

This year's campaign is "I had no idea" which is something so many people say when faced with a loved one revealing an eating disorder.  I had no idea......  Well, here are a few facts that you will probably think "I had no idea!" about.  Please read them.  Share them.  And if someone you care about is concerning you with their eating and body image situation, please talk to them.  Cause you DO have an idea now.......

Helpful Links:

• National Eating Disorders
• Eating Disorders Anonymous
• Eating Disorders Resource Center
• ANAD
• Jenni Schaefer
• Actively Arielle

NEDA Week: Secrets

Post Secret is a guilty pleasure of mine.  I wake up Sunday morning the first thing I do is check Sunday Secrets.  This week, in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, the secrets* are all on the topic of Eating Disorders.  I am not going to post any other postcards, as they may be disturbing or triggering.  I chose this one because it illustrates a key "element" of eating disorders: secrecy.

My eating disorder remained such a closely guarded secret for so long, I wasn't even aware I had one.  Once I realized that there was a chance I had an eating disorder, I still kept it secret from everyone, even my doctor.  It wasn't until I began working with my therapist that it couldn't be kept secret anymore.  And let me tell you, it was such a relief to have it out in the open.  Well..... out in the open with in my safe circle of trust, of course!  I am lucky.  I have an amazing support and treatment team that has helped me through the worst of things, and continue to help me on my path to recovery.

In the rest of the world, my eating disorder is still a secret.  I wish it wasn't.  I wish I had more people to talk to, more people that I trusted with this deep, dark, secret.  But I don't.  I trusted two very close friends when I first came clean with my eating disorder, and their reactions deterred me from telling others.  At this point, nearly 3 years after diagnosis, outside of my treatment team, only six people know my secret.  Makes it very hard to reach out for help.......

If you need help........ please reach out!  You can start right HERE.

*This link may only direct to eating disorder secrets until March 1st, at which point it may shift to whatever secrets are there.

Kicking off NEDA Week

Today kicks of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, and the theme for this year's week is "I had NO idea."

I am really familiar with this theme, cause the few people I told about my eating disorder responded with their own "I had no idea!"  Followed by many stereotypical responses that only further fueled my eating disorder, and led to sharing it with few others.

My goal is to post daily during this week, sharing bits about my recovery process (one I am still in.......) and resources for those who are struggling or know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder.

*Here's a few facts to kick off the week:

•  You can't tell whether someone has an eating disorder based on their age, gender, ethnicity, size, or sexuality.  Basically, you can't tell by looking if someone has an eating disorder.
• Eating disorders are as serious as heart attacks - they have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder.
• Despite stereotypes that eating disorders only effect women, one in three or four men/boys also struggle with them.
• Sadly, more than 2/3 of youth struggling with an eating disorder have not gotten the treatment they need.
• In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.

Eating disorders are no joke at all.  If you're concerned about a friend or loved one, speak up!  Pay a visit to NEDA's website for support in approaching those you care about.  There's support for them, and for you.

*Facts courtesy of the NEDA website.

Week 8: Fears

Fears...... this is NOT a fun subject.  Not one little bit.

I find myself often engulfed by my fears, that have, at some point or another in my life, been a reality.  They've left me scared and scarred, and fighting to overcome and move past them.

I will overcome them.

Them, being some rational, many irrational fears.

Fear of disappointing those I care about..........

Fear of people figuring out I'm not who they think I am.........

Fear of failure....... especially public failure.........

But mostly?  Fear of never learning to accept myself as I am.  Forget loving myself, forget liking myself, I'd like to start with accepting myself.  Something I've been trying to do for nearly two decades...........

Fears...... Like I said, NOT a fun subject.  Not one little bit.

Unexpected Surprise

I had a very dreaded doctor's appointment today -- one that I made way back in September, which means I've been waiting over four months.  Not gonna lie, t was a pretty bad appointment, too.  The doctor was nice enough, but the office always stresses me out -- it's outdated, the walls need repainting desperately, the floors never look clean enough, and the staff are so not the best.....

However.

I was very pleasantly surprised when the X-ray technician called me in to her space.  Her space was SUCH a contrast to the rest of the office.  The X-ray room had inspirational quotes on the walls.  It had framed pictures of beautiful images.  There was calming classical music playing.  There were soft curtains and a beautiful wooden bench with welcoming pillows in the changing area.  There were little smiles tucked all over the space, which was not very big.

For the first time all appointment, I was able to breathe.  I didn't feel like I was holding myself, stressed, clenched muscles.  I was comfortable, calmer, and breathing. I complimented the technician on the space, and she replied that it's important to help people feel calm, and that since she spends so much time in the room, she wanted it to be a place she'd like, too.

It was a very unexpected surprise to find this little gem of a room in such an "interesting" office...............

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 94 - Thursday 2/20/14 - Thankful that despite a somewhat unpleasant setting at dinner, my mom remained calm and temper-tantrum free.

Day 93 - Wednesday 2/19/14 - Loving watching the Olympics with my students during lunch - it's so fun listening to their commentary!

Day 92 - Tuesday 2/18/14 - Thrilled to serendipitously run into a friend when I, on a whim, decided to head to a puppy play date after dinner.  It was great to see her, her son, and their pup!

Day 91 - Monday 2/17/14 - Grateful for the spare key hidden outside.  Comes in handy when I lock myself out.

Day 90 - Sunday 2/16/14 - Great brunch with my friend - loved catching up with her, and another friend today, whom I haven't spoken to in over a year!

Day 89 - Saturday 2/15/14 - Happy to see my cousins today.

Day 88 - Friday 2/14/14 - Grateful that the festivities in the classroom today went smoothly and were enjoyed by all!

Week 7: Words that Give Me Meaning

I love, love, love this topic!  You may have been able to tell, as last time around this topic had, oh....... nine entries!

Anyway, right now there is yet another Katy Perry song that I LOVE.  It reminds me of a song I posted a while ago by Sara Bareillis.  They both have such an uplifting message, and both songs make me smile when I hear even the first few bars on the radio.

Katy Perry: Roar

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now
[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...
Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You'll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar...

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 87 - Thursday 2/13/14 - Appreciate the fact that I actually recognized an "unhelpful" behavior before my therapist pointed it out to me.

Day 86 - Wednesday 2/12/14 - Thrilled to have an awesome surprise guest at an after school workshop!

Day 85 - Tuesday 2/11/14 - Grateful that the could-be-horrid meeting I had today was uneventful.

Day 84 - Monday 2/10/14 - Happy to celebrate a special person's special birthday.

Day 83 - Sunday 2/9/14 - Grateful for the sleep-in day.

Day 82 - Saturday 2/8/14 - What an energizing day of professional development!

Day 81 - Friday 2/7/14 - Loved being a part of DoSomething.org's Love Letters Campaign!  It felt sooooo good mailing over 150 Valentines made by kiddos!

Week 6: Where I am at This Moment

At this moment, I'm enjoying a sunshine filled Sunday from the warmth of my house.  The Pup is curled up next to me, with a full belly after a chew treat.

I feel very comfortable.

Which is the exact opposite of where I've been spending the majority of my time.

I am not at liberty to speak of what's been happening- all I can share is that I am in the middle of an emotionally draining situation at school with one of my students.  It is painful to bear witness to what this child is experiencing, and I am powerless to help.  It's depressing and draining and exhausting and just plain said, yet despite all this, I must remain the cheerful, positive teacher that I am.

It's not a comfortable feeling, knowing a little one is suffering and you can't help.

It's impacting all of me -- headaches, loss of appetite, extreme fatigue......... 

So, not the most positive of posts, but an honest one, as always.

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 80 - Thursday 2/6/14 - Thankful for my therapist.  And her faith in me.

Day 79 - Wednesday 2/5/14 - Thankful the drive wasn't as bad as the snow tried to make it!

Day 78 - Tuesday 2/4/14 - Appreciate the patience of my students today.

Day 77 - Monday 2/3/14 -  So in love with the Pup, even more so today as we celebrate his birthday today!

Day 76 - Sunday 2/2/14 - Reminded how helpful pro/con lists can be, especially when they are weighted.  It's as if the decision makes itself.

Day 75 - Saturday 2/1/14 - Loved the day in, even though I'm sad I missed my dietitian today cause of the snow.

Day 74 - Friday 1/31/14 - Felt nice to have the time to get prepared for the next few weeks of school!

Week 5: Sunshine

Sunshine...... Where I live, there hasn't been much of it lately.  We've been covered in snowy goodness for a month straight.  Which means I've been trying to find sunshine elsewhere........

This is probably gonna sound strange, but........ I love working with my therapist.  Just being in her office makes me feel safe and comforted.  Kinda like the warmth of the sun......

Truthfully, a lot of sunshine in my life right now comes from The Pup.  Seriously.  I can not begin to tell you how much he has brightened my world.  I wake up every morning to his kisses and I go to bed every night snuggling with him.  He ads so much brightness to my world, and I can't imagine my life without him.