Monday, December 2, 2013

I Want to Write More

I recently realized how censored I've been on the blog.  I am watching my words very carefully, and in doing so, am limiting myself and my posts.  I'm not sure why all of a sudden I recognized this, and hope to change that.

Starting now.

It's no surprise that for someone recovering from an eating disorder, the holiday season, in the states kicked off by Thanksgiving, is not an easy one to maneuver through.  Throw in there an invasive medical procedure requiring fasting and a liquid diet, and it could be a recipe for disaster. 

I'd like to say that I've staved off that disaster.  Which, I kinda sorta have, actually!  I survived the liquid diet day, I survived the morning of fasting, I survived the test, and I've actually managed to get back on the eating wagon pretty quickly!

So, I have staved off the disaster.  I was going to add an "and yet......" but I don't have one.  When it comes down to it, Yes, I got back up to near goal within days of the torture.  I survived Thanksgiving, ate well all weekend, and am pretty close to back to my required goal area.


Image from Shirt Woot Derby - if you created this,
please let me know so I can give you credit!
(There's nearly always a but for me.)

While I'm doing pretty darn well getting to goal..... what I'm eating to get there is SO not the best....... it's mediocre, at best.  I guess you could say I have a very child-like palate.  I prefer peanut butter and jelly and apple sauce over Caesar salad and grilled salmon.  I prefer chocolate milk over wine.  I prefer cereal over eggs.  I prefer macaroni and cheese over risotto.

I have simple tastes.  Add in some food intolerances and a refusal to give up my vegetarianism, and, well, I make things in the "eating appropriately" department rather tricky.  My dietitian (who has the patience of a saint) has been working her @$$ off trying to figure out other sources of protein for me.  Most of which, I turn my nose up to and come up with some reason or another why I can't eat it.

Truth is, I need more protein.  I desperately need more protein.  My body needs it.  (Though, this is all coming from my team, I don't crave protein, nor do I know what my body would feel like in it's quest to obtain more protein!)  I know it's good for me.

Then again, so is writing..........


  1. I haven't been writing much lately. When I sit down at the keyboard nothing happens. I miss it, but right now the words just aren't coming. I hope you find all the (uncensored) words you need to get through this holiday season. This time of year is difficult for so many reasons, especially for folks with "food issues" (mine is different, but I understand the struggle). Wishing you all the very best!

    1. I so hear you. Even journaling has been rough lately. I stared at my journal for over an hour the other day before I finally was able to squeeze a few words out. What's worse is that my head is so full of "things" that need releasing, they just don't wanna come out! Sending you hugs during this hectic and unpleasant-at-times season!


So? What do you think?