Can you smell it?

Where I live, the smell of autumn is in the air.  I like autumn.  It's one of my favorite seasons.  I love watching the leaves move into their colorful phase.  I love the sound of them as they crunch under my feet.  I love the smell of leaf piles smouldering mixed with the post season aroma of autumn barbecues.

Around here, the arrival of autumn means more than the sounds of kids and teachers returning to school and the colorful natural scenery.  It means that the short-but-sweet cider mill season has arrived!  I live within 30 minutes of a half dozen cider mill gems, one of them is where I have been going since before I was born (or so I've been told.)

Last year, for the first time ever, I didn't go.  I didn't go to *my* cider mill.  I didn't go to any cider mill.

My little buddy Ed wouldn't let me.

The smell of the freshly pressed, unpasteurized cider.... the aroma of the hot, fresh donuts.... the crisp apples..... the pies.... oh the pies!  All of it, full of sugar and calories.  Both of which I was avoiding.  I let my ed rob me of something I loved, something I cherished, a tradition I actually valued.

I will NOT be letting that happen again this year.  And while the season is still a week away from it's official beginning, I am posting this today as a way to remind me that I can once again, taste the sweet cider... while allergies prevent me from enjoying the pies and donuts, the crisp apples and fresh cheeses can still be mine.  The gooey, drippy, oozy honey, still with it's comb, can still be devoured on fresh, crispy, apples.

The short season begins Labor Day weekend and ends right after Thanksgiving.  That gives me two and a half months.  I'm going to go this season.  At least once.

Sorry little buddy.  You have no say in this anymore.  Probably shouldn't call you buddy anymore, either.

Challenge 4, Part 5 - 7: Belief, Acceptance, Love

Self Belief.  Self Acceptance.  Self Love.

Mushing them all together for one final post for this week's topic.

I think they are actually rather well connected.  In order to have self love, you need to have self acceptance.  In order to have self acceptance, you need to have self belief.  Links in the chain of Self.  All the topics this week weave together a rather complex chain in which we build our lives upon - some more successfully than others, but all seven concepts are within each of us.  Sometimes they are buried rather deep, below layers of other self stuff (hatred, loathing, pity, etc) but they are still there.  It's our job to uncover them.  Yes, it can take a village, as no one should have to endure the process alone.  But I've been told it's a worth while journey to take, no matter how bumpy the road.

I'm taking baby steps, every few weeks, just a tiny bit closer to self love.  Along the way, of course, belief and acceptance hitch a ride, making the journey rocky and long.  But I'm finally starting to think that I might be worth it.  It's not been easy, accepting all that I've dealt with, knowing I can do nothing to change the past and make things better.  I can only accept what has happened, and believe that I am worth more than repeating the same patterns.  I have to find the belief somewhere, buried way deep inside, that I am worthy of love.  Cause no one deserves a life without love.  Not even me.