Friday, March 13, 2015

Saying Yes When You Really Mean No

Anyone do this?  C'mon, be honest.

I know I do.  Way more than I care to admit.

Like a lot of things in my world, I'm learning that the first step to making changes is noticing when you "do" the "behavior."

It was about 4:00 in the morning when I woke up from a nightmare.  This time, I was in my therapist's office and she was telling me that she was no longer going to be able to see me at my scheduled time, (which is a big deal considering I have to have after school appointments.)  Last time this happened, I completely freaked out, called my therapist and left a message just because I needed wanted reassurance.  It resulted in quite the conversation at my next session.  This time, I recognized my panic, and while the nightmare hung on for several hours, I knew that it wasn't true, and therefore, didn't call my therapist for reassurance.  I recognized the behavior.

School has been a hotbed of saying one thing, but meaning another.  I used to say yes to every request from my colleagues, even if it meant shorting myself.  Honestly, I didn't even realize I was doing it until my therapist pointed it out.  Years and years of putting others first, without even realizing it.

Most recently, though, a friend asked me to take care of his cat while he was away.  Of course, I said yes.  And I instantly regretted it.  My schedule for the next two weeks is insanely packed, and though it only takes about 10 minutes to feed the little guy, it's 10 minutes more than I care to spend.  And really, I always feel guilty when I don't spend extra time playing with the fur ball (who is absolutely adorable, by the way) and brushing out his long coat.  I feel bad rushing in, cleaning the litter, refreshing the water, and feeding him dinner before rushing right out.

But I said yes.  And I always keep my word.

At least, though, I recognized that the "no" got overshadowed by the "yes" as soon as I said it.  Too late to take it back, but maybe next time, the "no" will beat out the "yes" response.......

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