Saturday, March 28, 2015

Things Happen

Bad days happen.  Sometimes they're isolated incidents, sometimes they string themselves together for what feels like an endless spell of yuck.

Today was one of those days.

From the moment I woke up, I spent my time trying to catch my breath.  I spent every second trying to convince myself to participate in the world today.  My to-do list sat, waiting for the purple pen to check things off.

It's a weird kind of paralysis that takes over when I reach the tipping point where I spent today.  Where the overwhelm of life literally renders me useless.  Where even breathing is a challenge.

The thing about today's bad day is that it was brought about because of a potentially amazing opportunity.  Bad day?  Amazing opportunity?  I know.  Believe me, I know.  It makes no sense.  I get that.  Logically, this is all to familiar to me.  A great opportunity arises, or some other good news crosses my path, and instead of logical emotions, like being excited, or happy, I freak out.  Or, more accurately I get so excited, and conflictingly, so scared, that I end up paralyzed.

Which leads me to here.

The good news is that I did manage to get myself to functioning and went to see the peanut this evening.  The bad news is that as soon as I left, paralysis set in again.

I know that being overwhelmed doesn't need to be a bad thing.  It can be energizing and motivating and exciting.  I just need some help convincing my nervous system, or whatever part of me it is that controls the paralysis and it's buddy overwhelm, that it doesn't need to be bad.  Anyone up for it?


  1. I have days that hit me like that. I've been trying to handle it better. Instead of getting frustrated at my "shutdowns" I try to ride with them. I find it helps to feel stronger after days where I manage it better. I rarely get excited about things because I'm too busy getting nervous about it!

    1. It is so true, Holly - way hard to get excited cause the nerves are more powerful! I like the concept of "shutdowns" cause that is exactly what my body seems to do. Glad to know I'm not alone, and hopefully we'll both find a way to conquer this!


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