Week 13: Forgiveness

 This.

This says it all.

This is kinda helpful, too.

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 129 - Thursday 3/27/14 - Grateful to see my therapist today.  I didn't realize how much I was holding in.

Day 128 - Wednesday 3/26/14 - Happy that my doctor's appointment resulted in manageable news.

Day 127 - Tuesday 3/25/14 - Glad to have errands done for the week!

Day 126 - Monday 3/24/14 - Pleasantly surprised by my mailbox.  Always a treat when it's not just bills!

Day 125 - Sunday 3/23/14 - Went to a super fun restaurant with my family, and shockingly, they were well behaved!

Day 124 - Saturday 3/22/14 - Enjoyed a lovely evening with a wonderful family - complete with a delicious meal and decadent dessert!

Day 123 - Friday 3/21/14 - Ecstatic to see a group of former students tonight, especially my little one with cancer - nice to see that smile again!

Week 12: Meaningful People

This is a tough topic for me, because I feel like I've talked about the meaningful people in my life multiple times on the blog, and I hate for you all to get bored reading about them!  You can read about the first round of the blog challenge here.  You can read a little bit more here.  Finally, you can read even more about them here.

You'll probably notice a common thread.  Each of the posts refers to the same two people in some way, shape, or form.  And you can probably guess that I'm going to write about those same two people now.  That's how meaningful they are to me.

(I apologize if I repeat any information!)

E and MJ.  Amazing women that I have walking the path of life with me.  I used to see MJ every week, then every other week, and now, usually, our visits are only once a month.  That doesn't mean we don't email as needed between visits as she makes sure I'm working toward nutritional balance.  Cause we do.  Sometimes, well...... sometimes I email a lot.  But MJ is ok with that.  She knows what I need to hear.  She knows when I need reassurance, or just a little reminder.  She knows when I need an extra hug, and when a high five will do.  She's six feet of awesomeness and she is one of the two people in this world who knows some of my darkest secrets, yet, still thinks I'm an ok person.

E.  How can I describe E?  I don't know.  Role model wouldn't cut it.  She's more than that.  Mentor?  Guide?  All of the above?  I don't know.  This woman listens to me endlessly banter on, and somehow, finds a way to make sense of it all.  That's when my work begins, cause while E might be able to make sense of the messiness in my world, I'm the one that has to clean it up.  E will hold the flashlight for me, to make the task a little less painful, but I have to walk through the mess, where a life that is a little more peaceful waits, and so does E.  Always.

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 122 - Thursday 3/20/14 - Realized today how much I've been limiting my self in the eating department..... time to make a change.  Again.

Day 121 - Wednesday 3/19/14 - Today I dropped a part of my past into three envelopes and mailed them off - feeling pretty pleased right now!

Day 120 - Tuesday 3/18/14 - Feeling a HUGE sense of relief that a major source of anxiety has been addressed and taken care of with the help of my therapist.

Day 119 - Monday 3/17/14 - Happy to be back in my therapist's office, though, not necessarily happy about what we discussed.

Day 118 - Sunday 3/16/14 -

Day 117 - Saturday 3/15/14 - Grateful for the "brief vacation" that I took today after two days of intensive learning.

Day 116 - Friday 3/14/14 - I feel proud of myself for presenting at the workshop today.

Week 11: Recovery

I'd like to say that recovery has been going well.  

I'd like to say that I've mastered meal planning.  

I'd like to say that I'm consistently meeting my calorie goals.

I'd like to say that I'm incorporating a variety of foods into my meals.

I'd like to say that I'm getting adequate nutrition.

But I'm not.

I'm in a bit of a rocky patch.

I'm struggling with the basics.

I'm trying my hardest.

Things just aren't happening.

Yet.

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 115 - Thursday 3/13/14 - Had a fantastic day at a conference today, and am so excited to play with all I learned!

Day 114 - Wednesday 3/12/14 - A stretch today...... I guess I'm thankful that winter weather doesn't last all year.

Day 113 - Tuesday 3/11/14 - Thrilled to see not one, but three of my former students this afternoon!  All separately!  Loved seeing them all!

Day 112 - Monday 3/10/14 - Glad my therapist was able to figure out my weekend freak-out.  Glad to have such a fantastic therapist.  Glad said therapist knows me so well.

Day 111 - Sunday 3/9/14 -  Loved an extra long walk with the Pup today.  Loved how goofy he was after the bath the walk required.

Day 110 - Saturday 3/8/14 - Happy that I found someone to stay with the Pup if I ever end up actually going away overnight!

Day 109 - Friday 3/7/14 - Sooooo happy the week is over, it felt much longer than usual!  Also thankful for an afternoon phone conference that went better than I expected.

Week 10: Accomplishments

Funny timing, this week's topic is.

Even a week ago, my accomplishment list would have been sorta short, and very mundane - graduating high school, graduating college, getting a job, buying a home, etc, etc, etc.

But this week?  This week brought about a very powerful accomplishment.

I had my first "real" job interview.  And I think it went pretty ok, too.

You might be wondering what I mean, since you likely know that I have an awesome teaching job that I love, which is true.  I do have a fantastic job that I absolutely love, working with children at an age I enjoy.  So didn't I interview for that job?  Sorta.  See, I was in the school for two years before I was hired, so my interview was more like sitting down with an old friends and chatting, and less like a job interview with a stranger.

This interview was for a job that would be pretty spectacular.  I'd still get to work with kids, but in a drastically different environment.  I'd still be doing what I love, even more of it, actually, but the environment...... can't explain how different it would be.

I don't intend to leave my current job.  I love it too much.  I wanted to go on the interview to see if I could do it, if I could keep it together, stay presentable, and survive an interview with strangers instead of colleagues I knew.

I accomplished that.

Now back to work!

365 Days of Giving Thanks - Year 2

Day 108 - Thursday 3/6/13 - Thankful for conversations with my BFF.  Talking to her reminds me that I'm not as alone as I think.

Day 107 - Wednesday 3/5/14 - Loved the sweet, sweet strawberries I ate for dinner tonight.  Never realized how sweet berries can be, even though it's winter!

Day 106 - Tuesday 3/4/14 - Thankful for a busy day, as it passed quickly.

Day 105 - Monday 3/3/14 - So happy to see my therapist.  Just being in her space is so comforting

Day 104 - Sunday 3/2/14 - Enjoyed some delicious, fresh, juicy mango.  Atop frozen yogurt.  It was extremely delish, even if it made me ill.

Day 103 - Saturday 3/1/14 - Happy to see my dietitian.  Not liking this one-month-between schedule right now.

Day 102 - Friday 2/28/14 - Thankful that when a student melted down today, a support person was actually available.

Starfish

One of my favorite stories is that of the Starfish.  It was introduced to me during my first year teaching, and while I didn't heed the message for the first few years..... I finally, over the past two years or so, realized that while I might not be able to "save" all my students, each one that I do connect with, that I do help see their own spark...... every little bit counts.......

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!”

The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved.

--Adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren C. Eiseley

Week 9: Where Am I Now?

PostSecret provided this goodie.

Right now....

I'm struggling.
I'm in the biggest challenge of my teaching career.
I'm feeling helpless.
I'm feeling ineffective.
I'm exhausted.
I'm in survival mode.
I'm trying to think outside the box.
I'm wishing things were different.
I'm trying to be patient.
I'm trying my best.
I'm trying to hold on to their smiles.
I'm trying to be kind to me.
I'm relying on my therapist's words.....
I'm trying to believe my therapist's words.....

Right now.....

NEDA Week: What Matters

Truth.

I have been battling my body for as long as I can remember.
For an equally long time, I considered myself broken.
Unrepairable.
All I focused on was the flaws, the grossness.

Reality?

Yeah, I'm not that together.
Yeah, I have a lot of broken pieces and parts.
But I'm repairable.
And the mending process has already begun.