Change

In order to change.... we must be coerced, forced, bribed, given ultimatums, threatened, or otherwise pushed to change.

Well, at least that is the truth for me.

I have to make a few big changes.  Like, ginormously humungous changes.  (Well, at least that is how they feel to me.)  I am not looking forward to them.

As my dietitian said (and my therapist readily agreed.....) this situation is a "great opportunity to make some good changes" in my life.  Baloney.  This is a forced, totally-out-of-my-control change that I am not looking forward to having to implement.

Yes, in the long run it will be fine, probably better than fine, probably things will be really quite good because of this forced change.  But for now, I'm going to throw my silent temper tantrum and pout.  Cause reality is, as good as this change may be in the long run, it's rather terrifying at the moment.

What's In a Name?

Names are a funny thing.  They really need to "fit" the person in which they describe.  For a long time, I actually hated my name.  It wasn't one of the "common" names, so as a kid, the only time I got anything with my name on it was if someone made it for me.  I didn't like that all that much, I wanted the personalized everything that my friends had.

Now?  As an adult, I love my unique name.  I love that I only know of three other people with the same name (though I'm sure there are many more!)  My name fits me.  I'm unique.  I'm different (you can take that as good or bad, however you'd like.)  I'm a bit of an oddball, just like my name.

It took a long time for me to like my name.  Once I was able to embrace the uniqueness of it.... it was a lot easier to like it.  Liking my name.... first step to liking me?  I hope so!

A New Day

I am a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables.  In particular, the friendship between Anne and Diana always makes me smile.  They truly are kindred spirits.

It's been a hell of a weekend.  Seriously.  A long visit with my dietitian has me slightly very anxious about some pretty major changes we are making in my meal plan.  It is not going to be easy.  And I'm not looking forward to this.  But she's really good at turning challenges into opportunities, and I hope her attitude rubs off on me.  Cause this is one challenge I'm not thrilled with, no matter how much my friend logic says it's the best way to handle a lousy situation.

So I'm thinking about tomorrow, and how I get to start fresh, with a brand new day.  Kind of like a crisp, clean, piece of paper just waiting to be drawn or written on.  Or a new blog post just waiting to be written......

Saturday Smiles

A ShirtWoot honorable mention.

Days like today, when I feel the most lost, stuck, tired, depressed...... finding smiles is not an easy task.  But how could I not crack a smile with this image?!

As if.....

A lot has happened in the last seven days.  A LOT.  I love my job, I love where I work, but this year has been a real roller coaster in terms of expectation shifts.  And in terms of good old basic respect of one another.  Recent news has required me to act as if what has been said is no bother, has no impact, and does not even enter my zone of concern.  On the inside, though, with every bit of news, a part of me feels like it's dying. 

Part of recovery has meant trying things that I am not comfortable with.  It's meant stretching out of my comfort zone on so many occasions.  It's meant doing what feels impossible.  It's meant doctor's appointments and therapy appointments and dietitian appointments that are painful as painful gets.

But nothing hurts as much as having to pretend everything is fine, even though everyone around you knows it's not.  Pretending that the announcement that was just made isn't going to cause a major recovery setback.  Pretending that you're going to be just fine, when inside, you're ready to give up, and everyone around you is watching for your reaction. 

I've gotten quite good at acting over the years, it's part of my job, and it's usually useful.  I am so appreciative that today all that practice acting paid off.

Awarded?

Well, I hate to admit it, but I'm blushing.  Larissa over at Papa is a Preacher honored My Purple Dreams with a Wonderful Team Member Readership Award!

I "met" Larissa through NaBloPoMo, and have quite enjoyed reading her blog.  I've actually met many wonderful bloggers through NaBloPoMo, and while it's sometimes tough to post every single day, I'm definitely glad I signed up for the challenge!

This recognition comes with a few requirements, and I want to get those situated before the celebrating begins!

The Rules

1. The Nominee of the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award will display the logo on his/her post/page and/or sidebar.  - Check!
 
2. Over a period of 1 week, the Nominee shall nominate a number of readers that he or she appreciates – this can be done at any rate during the week. It can be all on one day or a few on one day and a few on another day, as most convenient to the Nominee. - Check! (see below!)

3. The Nominee shall name his or her Wonderful Team Member Readership Award nominees on a post or on posts during the 7 day (1 week) period. - Congratulations bloggy friends! (all nominations have been delivered!)

Jackie @ Confessions of a Cupcake Queen
Kylie-Rose @ Rose's are Red
Attachment Girl @ Tales of a Boundary Ninja
Paula Young @ A Therapist's Thoughts
Nicole @ Riding the Wavez
Tracey @ Just As I Am

4.  The nominee shall answer the questions, all in the spirit of fun! - Check!

1) Why do you blog?
I blog because I want to make a difference.  If sharing my story - the good, the bad, the painful, the happy, all of it, helps even one person, then I'll have reached my goal.  As I know this has already happened, I continue to blog because I enjoy writing, and am enjoying meeting new people in the blog-o-sphere!

2) If you were trapped on a desert island, what book, DVD, food, cartoon character, and childhood game would you bring?
Umm..... can I say that I'd bring my iPad, a wireless hot spot, and a solar recharging station?  Then I'd have all the entertainment, books, and distractions I'd need!
Oh, that kind of answer.  Well then..... let's see......
Book: Can I have a series?  Can't pick just one book.... at least not easily.  Ok.  One book.  Every Soul a Star by Wendy Mass.  Series?  Harry Potter.
DVD: American Eats Series.  History Channel rocks.
Food: Cereal.  Cereal and chocolate.
Cartoon Character: Calvin and Hobbes - I'd never be bored!
Childhood Game: The game of Life!

3) Share a funny joke or one-liner.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.  It was tense.
:)

4) What is your favorite thing about yourself?
Tough one..... it'd have to be my ability to connect with my students and make learning meaningful for them.

5) What one word best describes you?
Thinker.  Explanation here.

6) If you could have a lifetime supply of any candy/candy bar, what would it be?
Almond m&ms.  Or peanut m&ms.  Or mounds bars.  Yeah, maybe mounds bars.

7) What fictional character do you relate to most?
Easy!  Wrote a whole post about it.  You can read it here.

8) If you were to write the story of your life, what would you call it?
Well, I already have the title picked out, and the blog site reserved..... so let's just keep that between me and my therapist for right now, k?