A Summer Swim

It's been hot here.  Like, really, really hot.  Now, granted, it's summer in the mid-west, so anything is possible weather-wise, but this?  This is hot.  And it's gonna get hotter.

One of the biggest reasons I moved here is because of the pool.  It has a beautiful pool!  Even better is that it is rarely in use during the day (though it's packed in the evenings!)  I looked forward to lazy days floating around the pool, enjoying summer to it's fullest.

And for the first few years, I did.  Until I couldn't anymore.  Until I couldn't be in the pool without turning it into a haven for over-exercising.  And when my doctor ordered no more exercise, that ceased.  Fast forward to a few years ago, and I was given permission to use the pool again.  You'd think I'd be excited.

But I wasn't.  Cause at this point I flat out refused to wear a bathing suit.  Sure, I have a shorty wetsuit, that I could easily wear in the pool.  But then I'd look like an idiot.  So I just avoided the pool all together.

Until this summer.  I've enjoyed it a few times already, with a good book.  It's been pretty nice, too, as the pool continues to be empty during the day when I use it, and busy in the evenings.  That gives me plenty of time and space to walk around the pool enjoying my book.

It's been nice.  Until today. 

Today, I was literally up to my shoulders in the water, holding my book that I was reading, which was nice.  Until my hands started sweating like faucets.  Sure, it happens a lot outside of the pool (thanks to the oh-so-UGH hyperhydrosis,) but that's never happened to me in the pool before.  Ever.

I walked back in the door in tears.  My body has been particularly difficult the past few weeks.  Between unusually challenging female problems, to extreme fatigue and exhaustion, to the return of headaches, to mysterious lower back pain, I've been batting 100.  And I am not dealing with it well.  I fight with myself on a daily basis to take care of my body..... it feels like painfully hard work that I don't often want to do.  Yet, I know I've got to do it. 

My nutritionist commented the other day, "wouldn't it be awesome if everything was what it was supposed to be?!" Well, yeah.  But at this point, I'll take a one day break from the pain and exhaustion.  Maybe that will give me some more energy so I can continue working on this puzzle my body is.  Cause lately, it feels like what used to be a 100 piece puzzle has turned into a 1000 piece puzzle with no picture guidance.