Keep on Keepin On...

I've had a very rough go of it the last few months, and I've played it off to be nothing that I can't handle.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  But the truth is, I've just been back in that place called denial.  And I forgot my paddles.

Time to come clean.  To admit that I'm struggling.  A lot.  To admit that yesterday's intake was a one time thing would be a lie.  Seems I've given myself permission to have one extremely low day nearly every week for the last two months, and I've brushed it off as no big deal.

Truth is, I do hope it's no big deal.  I do not want to fall into a full blown relapse, throwing away the months of hard work that I've done and that my team's done.  I've been stable for just over six months.  I don't want to throw it all away.

Serendipitously, a few resources passed through my twitter feed just this morning, that were so fitting for where I am right now, I wanted to share them.  Maybe they'll help someone else the way they helped me.

The first article has been floating around Facebook for a few days but I just stumbled upon it today.  So You're Feeling Too Fat To Be Photographed is a must read. So helpful as today I'm putting together a video of teaching clips for an assignment, and am not thrilled with what I see on screen. 

The second article, Beautiful Feathers reminded me that as I avoid letting my true talents show, as I try to hide from those that are unkind to me, the reality is that I'm hurting myself, not those who are trying to hurt me.  Leaning in, asking for help, and shining as brightly as you can... this is a post I'll be revisiting frequently.

Finally, and most serendipitous, is a post on the blog Thick Dumpling Skin entitled Relapse which I read this morning, shortly after reading an email from my nutritionist.  "So yesterday I struggled.  Today I move on.  Tomorrow, who knows.  I can’t promise to be perfect, but I promise to always be honest."  Lynn put into words a reminder that I most definitely needed to hear.