This weekend I wandered down memory lane a little bit. I weeded through many childhood pictures in preparation to make a photo montage for an upcoming family celebration. There were a TON of pictures to go through, full of memories, some good, some not so good, but all reminders of what was, and what now is.
There's a saying I've learned that talks about "going to the hardware store for bread." I recently had to undergo a simple medical procedure that required anesthesia, which meant I needed transportation. So I asked my parents to help me out. Pretty simple. I do know that this kind of help is something they are not capable of easily providing, but I asked anyway because it was the simplest route. Sometimes simple is NOT better.
I have some great friends in my life that I can count on to be there for me when I ask. When I ask. That's the problem. I really struggle to ask. Even when they offer, I still struggle to take them up on their offer. This weekend was a reminder that I sometimes need to actually let people help when they offer, and ask for help if they don't.
While I wish I could count on my parents for the support that parents are theoretically supposed to provide for their children, I can't. And that's a pretty painful conclusion to arrive at. Especially considering I've been here before, but seem to enjoy going to that hardware store for bread, and beating my head against the wall after I remember that I wasn't going to shop there anymore.
While the medical procedure was easy, working on the photo montage has been anything but. The aftermath of the whole experience with my parents has left me feeling vulnerable and sad, not to mention lonely. I know that there are friends I can count on, and I know that reaching out will help. I'm just not quite there yet. So if you offer to help me and I say no, I won't be offended if you offer again, a little more insistently, cause sometimes it takes me a while to realize I'm worth accepting the help.
I'll leave you with this video... and the reminder that sometimes it's ok to go to the hardware store, but don't plan on picking up a loaf of bread while you're there.
Count on Me by Whitney Houston featuring CeCe Winans