Week 9: Where Are You Now?

Where am I now... 

let's see... 

I'm sitting on the couch,

wearing my jammies, 

watching TV. 

What? 

Oh.

That's not what you meant. 

Oh.

That's what you mean.

That is a much more complicated answer.

Where am I now... let's see...
I'm in a space where I love my job.  Really love it.  A year ago, I couldn't say that.  Six months ago I couldn't say that.  Heck, 3 months ago I couldn't say that.  But today, I can.  And I can mean it.  Cause I do love my job.  I love the energy that teaching children creates.  Nothing in the world quite like it.

I am not loving my struggle.  I know that struggles make us stronger, but I am certainly not enjoying the process.  I never thought I'd still be struggling like this, right now.  I figured that once school started, and once I was back in the routine of things and loving my job, that this struggle would be over.  Gone.  Fineto.  Finished.  And I'd be back to normal.

The roller coaster of life... as designed by the Santa Monica Pier.

Problem is, when it comes to this?  I've never been even close to normal.  Where I am now is better than where I was, but it isn't good enough.  It isn't close enough to normal.

Normally I don't like the word normal because normal for one person is not normal for another.  (Four times in one sentence!)  But in this case, normal applies to what the average person eats in a typical day.  Which is enough to sustain basic body function and energy levels and all that good stuff.  And in this case, I actually want to be normal, but I'm not there, at least not yet.

Right now I'm trying to work my way up the confidence ladder.  I'm trying to see myself as others see me.  I'm trying to remember that the same rules apply wherever I go.  I'm trying to remember to take one step at a time.  I'm trying to focus on small moments, little successes, and baby steps.  I'm trying to find things to be happy about on this roller coaster called life.  I'm trying to embrace the gifts I've been given instead of hide from them.  I'm trying to grow up.  I'm trying become the person I was born to be.

"Growing up is full of big moments. Some of them you can 

see coming from a mile away; and some you can't see at all."

-- The Wonder Years