Friday, November 25, 2011

Week 8: Fears

Oh boy... seems like these weekly blog assignments flip from impossibly hard to motivatingly enjoyable.  Week 7?  All those songs?  The hardest thing was narrowing down my list!  This week?  Fears?  Oh boy...

Fears... Well, might as well put this out there and get this post over with.  My biggest fear is that people will see me for who I really am.  I am not the confident person people seem to think I am.  I am not the incredible teacher that everyone thinks I am.  I am struggling to keep it together, to keep the toxic energy that radiates through my brain contained so that it doesn't spill out and infect those around me.

Funny thing is, I'm starting to think that I'm the only one who seems to think this way about myself.  Which leaves me wondering if it's just my distorted perception of myself.  Cause everyone else seems to think I'm a pretty awesome person.  Am I the only one that refuses to see that?  Have I been tricking people my whole life, or am I the one being tricked?  Is it all an illusion?  Everyone else really knows me, except me?  Am I that afraid to get to know myself?

Other than that, well... I think that's a big enough fear to deal with... kinda puts all my fears in one neat little package and wraps it up with a stick of dynamite for the bow.  Other fears like the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being alone for ever, fear of failure, fear of being hurt... Not a package I enjoy carrying.  Open at your own risk!

I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show 
you who I really am, you might not like it-- and that's all I got. 
-- Sabrina Ward Harrison

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