When you're dealing with an eating disorder, or depression, or anxiety, or any other invisible challenges, goals can feel impossibly painful, adding to the suffering. Thankfully, they can also feel incredibly uplifting, bringing brightness through the clouds.
Right now, I'm working on eating. Again. Still. Whatever. I have been struggling a lot with getting in the appropriate types of foods, and getting enough of them at that. It's not fun. I feel like I've taken ten steps back in my recovery, even though my team would disagree. I'm living the "one day at a time" mindset, or at least I'm trying to, in all areas of my life.
Sorry fellow readers, I'm kinda feeling stuck right now. If I wrote this post in a month, it might be totally different. In fact, I just might do that!
I think you and I may be in a similar place in recovery... where it feels like a lot of the mental awareness has increased but the behaviours are harder to maintain. I keep doing something once and then back to old ways. But now it's extra torture because I can't pretend I don't know what I am doing. Grr. I am choosing (wanting?) to believe that this means that progress is happening, just slowly. The mind is changing and the rest will follow if we keep at it.
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