Sunday, April 27, 2014

Week 17: Goals

I have such mixed feelings about goals.  On the one hand, they're awesome!  I love being able to set a goal and make a list of steps to help accomplish it.  Crossing off each item on the list gives such a satisfying feeling, making reaching the goal all the more gratifying!

On the other hand...... sometimes my life is too chaotic for goals.  Lists overwhelm me.  I set goals and watch them fly by with little to no dent made in achieving them.  Sometimes my goals feel ridiculous, like getting out of bed, or getting into the shower. 

When you're dealing with an eating disorder, or depression, or anxiety, or any other invisible challenges, goals can feel impossibly painful, adding to the suffering.  Thankfully, they can also feel incredibly uplifting, bringing brightness through the clouds.

Right now, I'm working on eating.  Again.  Still.  Whatever.  I have been struggling a lot with getting in the appropriate types of foods, and getting enough of them at that.  It's not fun.  I feel like I've taken ten steps back in my recovery, even though my team would disagree.  I'm living the "one day at a time" mindset, or at least I'm trying to, in all areas of my life.

Sorry fellow readers, I'm kinda feeling stuck right now.  If I wrote this post in a month, it might be totally different.  In fact, I just might do that!

1 comment:

  1. I think you and I may be in a similar place in recovery... where it feels like a lot of the mental awareness has increased but the behaviours are harder to maintain. I keep doing something once and then back to old ways. But now it's extra torture because I can't pretend I don't know what I am doing. Grr. I am choosing (wanting?) to believe that this means that progress is happening, just slowly. The mind is changing and the rest will follow if we keep at it.


So? What do you think?